self battle

should i go for poa later ? should i ? should i ? SHOULD I ?! if i dont, my dad's money would be wasted. and even if i did, and do badly. or for submitting my name on the ledger paper, i'd still waste dad's money. so it's a lose-lose situation.

luck ! i need more luck ! total pure luck if i pass poa. cause it's absolutely 0% effort put in. duh. i threw away all my poa books and files and i even lost the tiny notebook supapaya gave us. i didnt mean to lose that, but i guess what mummy said was true after all. "if you want to do something, do it to the fullest. if you dont want, then dont do it at all."

.. and, im not taking this for granted. :)

im more looking forward to brunching with honey star than to sit the paper for just one hour. mcqs. haha. easy. i just play tikum tikum. but look on the brighter side, nurool. you can sleep for fifty five minutes. :)

darker side ? you've flunked all your other subjects and you're going to just FAIL it. bad nurool..

hey, im not gna let that demoralise me. im all chills. feigning ignorance, right. that's what im going to do. (that is if it helps lar..) i dont wanna regret. and nope, i aint regretting.

and i dont wna waste lily's effort to give me a wake up call this morning. (cause i slept really late last night). so i'll go. sit for the paper, and act as if nothing's happened. cool. drama momma. hot momma. hot lava..

erk ? ..this is what happens when there's too much of sharboy & lavagirl shows played over and over again. thanks to my darling brother !

mm..ive becoming nocturnal these few days. nights. insomia ? hah..tell me about it. i dont think it's due to lack of iron, blood, whatever shit. it's just that i've been thinking alot lately. (you might have came across this somewhere below this entry) thinking of what should i do after os..

what if my os are badly scored ? what if my results are not satisfactory ? should i retake ? (ite is a nono for me, please.) should i just try to do something about it ? (when i know nothing can be done about it) i dont know. i just dont. of course, there are other things as major, that are lingering on my mind.

my thoughts are badly messy now. and i dont know how to arrange them. i've been talking shits and craps these few days and i just speak my mind. i cant think straight.

..am i crazy ? hah..i wish.


im not okay, i guess..