sometimes, thinking about the past is a good thing. although the past consist of a lot of different measures whereby it is not easy to believe your joy, and not easy to forget totally something that's already grown so attached and so deep into you.
im not saying that im so amazed by my past that im writing/blogging about this stuffs right now. okay, so no one did. but sometimes i feel that, when you close your eyes and you see something that you know can never come back to you or happen in your life again, somehow or rather, you feel this emptiness, this awkward feeling that's etched within your emotions.
and so much so that you dont have an explanation for what that feeling was or how it felt like. but as time goes by and there's still a thought that's running through your mind, you finally realised how much you missed the moments spent, or even that someone special that has made a mark in your life.
if you're thinking that im getting all emotional and teary, or maybe missing someone so badly right now, its not entirely true. somehow, what im feeling right now, or rather, the nights before this, is something that ive been wanting to know, wanting to feel, wanting to find out the truth, the exact, the ultimate answer. but im not sure what the question was. there's so many questions stuck in my head and so many of them left unanswered.
they're just bothering me, telling me to go get the answers but i dont even know where to start. i dont even know what im looking for. im at a loss, a state of confusion. it's weird. its funny. its just.. different. am i me ? or am i changing ? its pretty surprising that im not an emotional wreck anymore, the one ive became all these while. it's cool to be or to get hold of something that you've never thought you could do it, or overcome.
funny why nurool is blogging about this type of thing now, isnt it ? but i think that today's entry, (probably the last one) is something that ive finally came to a point where i can assemble my thoughts and just type it down here. everything.. pardon me if you guys dont decipher me. im just pouring my deepest thoughts. for i dont think being happy and masking all along is the best yet. once or twice, i should take that mask away and tell the world who i really am.. someone who's not made up of only happy moments and more laughters.
on a grave note, i end today's entry with a little little leak of my very cramped mind.
"the world does not make space for us to fit in. neither does it makes us fit in without space. it's funny how the world go round and round but the people dont fall off the globe. that's god's creation.. and my feelings, and my life.. those are my creation.." signing off, folks. im off to Batam tomorrow. take care and lots of love, Bee.
