my secret empire.

Monday, February 27, 2006

2:49 AM

i dont know why but i feel like blogging...

really sorry for the very random updates and the very seldom of my presence. xD okay i admit, i havent been really all caught up with work that im soo damn busy to update this puny section of the internet. it's more like im very very lazy to do so. and you people should know why. :D

let's do a little recap since im already on this thing. let's start off by today's (or rather, yesterday's since it's already almost three am) "happenings".. well, (can i just say today as in yesterday? because it's really irritating to constantly backspace that "today" word i typed) okay, so TODAY, i was woke up irritatingly. ..by dad.

and i dont know why he likes to tickle my feet to wake me up. ..it's ridiculous. because i always end up kicking his hands, arms, whatnots to get him off me. my leg, more like. he finds it funny and i dont. he think im smiling because im actually enjoying every second of his tickling but im not. i ALMOST saw the prince charming in my dream only to wake up to see my "prince charming" looking so threatening at me right in my face with his hands on the sole of my foot.

THAT IS TOTALLY RANDOM. but argh.. got it off my ~~boobs~~ chest. never felt better. DADS CAN BE WORST THAN MOMS TOO! *runnns into the wall*

i was telling you that to say that he woke me up to go to BiG by Safe at harbourfront/world trade centre to shop. he read in the papers that they had sale. and i was like, wtf. okay fine. JUST DONT TOUCH MY DAMN FEET AGAIN. ..and a funny thing happened! ~~maybe it was retribution~~. dad took the water pistol from the toilet (obviously it was hakeem's) and aimed it at me. i was taking cover like so panickly.

so i didnt see what happened.. but the next thing i knew, DAD SHOT HIS OWN FACE! as in.. shot the water at his own face. ohmywater. it turned out that hakeem had purposedly turned the nozzle facing dad before he handed that pistol to dad. IN YOUR FACE, DAD! ..and i hi-fived with hakeem. :D good teamwork, bro.

so, we went to courts and bought; new speakers for my pc!, my earphones, aprons, plastic holder (like we'd ever use.. "it's cheap what.." -so said dad.), hakeem's roller chair and that's basically it. i find it lame but oh wells at least ive got new speakers! ..for 10 bucks. WORTH IT! but it's alittle irritating.

..dont ask why.

then we went to causeway pt to watch pink panther. two words; WATCH IT! (if you havent). it's hillarious. my whole family was like laughing our wits out. "i would like to buy a hamburger.." hahahaha. ..laugh with me if you've watched it. xD

cool. and my hair's LONG ALREADY. cut cut cut, i must. random random random, this is.

as for yesterday, nothing much happened. (malas nk elaborate). and erms.. friday? oh yes. went shopping with mubz. walamak. i tell you.. his feet is HUMUNGOUS. extremely huge. i bet that salesman was cursing and swearing in the storeroom while getting mubz's shoe. he wears a 12 or 13! as in his size. foot-size. 12? 13?! mampos. i only 7 or 8 seh.

..bigfoot's descendent. wonder why he hasnt got caught. :O

okay pass.. the rest of the week was pretty mundane so i dont think it's best to elaborate. i'm still waiting for my second pay and my next shopping spree. :D any taggers ? shop shop shop. it's addictivee~ seriously. i still want to get those things that i mentioned in the previous entry. yes yes yes. anyone knows where i can find NICE wallets ? unique and rare ? (yy told me he'll FOLD me a wallet. origami. xD)

..i wonder if he still has his manual booklet.

but who cares. you guys know where im getting at. right? okay forget it. anyone who wants to tag along, text me! or tag me. or.. do anything to get to me. xD anyways, bought a Rotelli heels (2 and a half inch) last friday. and it's sooo painful-yet-comfortable. now im getting numb to all the blisters. haha. im still getting more shoes! yesyesyes.

oh yes, i just found the me-to-you teddy bears that yong yao, hannan, jamie and wen hao gave me before i left peirce. it's soo cute. ..and dusty. oops sorry :D but they're really cute. not that i havent noticed it but they flush memories back to me so drastically. (whoa, drama..) and they're so sweet la. lovelove~

..and i still keep the delphy that putra gave me! and.. and.. the monkey that anip, too, handed me for my farewell. awww* im so touched. missed them. but speaking of which, the delphy putra gave me was blacken-ed thanks to my *ahem* when i sleep. and anip's monkey was slightly torn and spilling (with beans) because hakeem snatched it from me.

..so they're in bad condition. major casualties. :O heh.

i still keep em and that's that. :D and oh, meeting putra tmrw. =\ ..to help him repair his handphone. at wisma. im so kind, i know. i dont know if that should be good or bad. feeling a little bit of guilty and a little bit of queasy about this meeting. but at the same time, im really excited and looking forward to it.

i dont know why.. so dont ask why..

he said he's broke now. cause of the competition that cost him quite a pinch on the bucks that he recently entered. so he cant treat me if his phone was back to normal. i said it was okay, like duh. hahaha. and im seriously getting nowhere. ..because i just disrupted my train of thoughts and this whole thing is totally pointless and random.

should learn to organise my thoughts the next time so i wont sound so lame and mediocre. but anyhoos, refat asked me if my hair could grow long enough to be christine in the upcoming band concert in april. of course i couldnt. so i told him i'd use the wig. ..if that's enough! hahaha. LD

okay i'll stop now. im really losing my track. bored, arent you ? good. see ya!

(i know im supposed to do that passing on thing xiao tian did, but sorry.. lazy la! :D)

`Bee.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

11:48 PM

shopping!! i went shopping!! ..but im still not satisfied.

so, today was shopping spree day for nurool bee and dee dee. xD yes yes, what did you say ? right, we were supposed to be broke. and of course, we were very muchly budget-stricken for the rest of the month (because i burst my pay for the parents and those damn transportation fares..) and as for dee, bet she burst her pay on her camera! (which she claims is useless now..) so, yeah.

right, so being the budget-stricken shopping girls, we had to go to budget places to shop. and of course, BUGIS STREET IS THE PLACE FOR ALL SMALL BUCK-ED PEOPLE! hurhur. so much for promoting.. anyhoos, yeap, went there to shop. oh my water.. i must say things there are CHEAP! ..well not entirely everything but i mean, it's negotiable. hey, c'mon.. tell me in which part of ~~the very high standard-of-living~~ singapore has places that are negotiable?

see ? now youre saying BUGIS STREET! it was supposed to be shopping day for me and not-so-binging-of-my-money day for dee. but seems like, she almost crossed her budget. but didnt.. strong-willed, aye ? AND I PROUDLY ANNOUNCE THAT I SPENT ALONG MY BUDGET TOO! xD man, 100bucks can really get you a lot in bugis street. (im good, in promoting :D) by the way, yes.. i only had 100bucks to spend. how pathetic!

..i thought they were a puny sum to shop on anyways. but guess what ive got myself ?

knee-length brown plaited skirt (with lace :D)
coudroy coat top (with free flower.. aww)
white spag top (yes, with lace too!)
denim jeans inclusive of on-the-spot alteration :D (the first ever DENIM jeans in my life)
and an MYUK cosmetic bag (for work)

oh, that's not inclusive of food, transport and neoprints! :D man, those things i bought, they could easily choke me up to 200+ if i were to go places like topshop, u2, g2000, mango to get those. they're equally pretty and they're affordable. mom thought they were cheap too. :D

i think she's just dissapointed that bugis street does not carry sizes larger than L. im pretty much on the safe side. okay im mean. but really, it's pretty demoralising for girls (like me) to go there too often to shop because you can never buy those nice-r tops! they're either out of stock, or it's "free-size" which can only fit my bunny. (..they're PUNY!)

but it's okay. i'll shed these fats away and return to bugis street with bigger bucks. but hey, with bigger bucks, i'd rather go to Malls and shop. no more budget-shopping, right ? :D ahh.. now that's a different story. which brings me the excitement of anxiously anticipating for my next pay!

..anxiously anticipating ? ironic. but, nevermind. you know wha' i mean. i really wna shop my wits out on the next pay. and burn a hole in my pocket. :D well, i wont mind you know. i've always got the next-er pay to recover those burns. *grins WIDELY. if there's a saying that girls can never get sick of shopping, i'll be the first to agree! shop, shopped, and still want to shop!! :D

the shopping girls! :D

let me summarise the list of things i want to get with the next pay:

WALLET!! like seriously. (:
more more tops - blouse, t-shirts, spags, dress ?
lingerie! (my bras are sickening) =X
SHOES/snickers/heels/sandals/..everything.
cosmetics. -all sort of it. from face to nails. :D
BAGGG. omg~ im dying for this one i saw. CHOP!
another jeans.. denim jeans la! hahaha.

how, how, ..how ? oh no, im really going to burst my pay la. shit. but nevermind.. MARCH'S PAY TO RECOVER THE HOLE IN MY POCKET. xD i really really want want to to shop shop somemore somemore. yes yes. pleeaaasee ? ..oh yes. btw, im probably bringing mubarrak to bugis street this saturday.. AND I NEED TO HIDE MY MONEY FROM MY WALLET!

..because i need to save. i need to eat. i need to travel. so yes, mubarrak, PLEASE BRING EXTRA CASH! ..and treat me xD - muke tak tau malu. lol nevermind lah, you.. my frienddd... =D haha. im going to make him go crazy over the stuffs at bugis street. he wants to shop for his stuffs anyways.. so..... I GOT TO RESIST! :D

im talking to mubarrak as im typing this. and he's so farking lame. he laughs at prolonged jokes (made himself) when it's not funny! ..THIS, is so random.

hMmMmMm ??

omg, im freaken hungry. SO MUCH for "watching my diet". HURHUR. nvm...persevere.. (haha. nathan taught me well.) =D ..you know, i've got nothing else to say. all i can say i HAD fun! :D with my bestie, dee ~~though tmrw she wants to take the morning shift.~~ :D its OKAY.. a little of sacrifice wont hurt.

..furthermore, she's going to quit work pretty soon anyways. and i'll definately miss her presence. ): she's going to have new friends, new environment, new life.. im going to miss her.. miss.. us. :(

oh wells. im going to bed prettty soon since dad wants me to clean the house and MY ROOM. he's going to bring his friend home for i-really-dont-know what reason. so.. yeh. bye for now :D

and for the closing.. here's a picture for you people. xD

thick-tongued GIRL! :D

`Bee.

Friday, February 17, 2006

10:29 AM

good morning, a-holes! :D

and that's mubz and i, in the bus back from Ngee Ann Poly. miss crapping with him la. lame ass. xD

..did i tell you about the concert USSBand's going to have ? yes ? no ? okay, so i've decided. imma perform, dude! i mean, hey, that's my band out there (ceh) and man, i've been wanting to perform with my own band in our own concert. cause i've performed with BMCB way back last year and it's been a helluva fun time with them. especially the phantom of the opera.

honestly, i after the Jubliance 1 in VCH last jan with the BM kids, i felt so wonderfully good. like as if, the bond was there. so tight, so close. cool man.. really cool. i felt like WOW. and when i was acting as "Christine", i felt like a princess right there. owh man! i wna do it again! it's soooooo fun.

plus! i've always wanted to act in a theatre. or a stage play. like, real life in front of audiences but not cameras. you get wha' i mean ? please please please!!! another one of my ultimate dream. nyeehaww.

okay, 'nuff of all the excited jiggles, wet-in-the-pants/hormonal-raging-soul day-dreams. i just realised that quite a number of people sortarf go against my idea to be in the media line/course/whatever. let me set some examples. abg ridzwan- he said that i cant earn much through media. like, a diploma alone. by the time i reach 30, then i can earn around 3000 odd. and he said by then it'll be too late. i've kids to feed, myself to support (of course i've got the husband to manage with me) but it's pretty a puny sum to start off with.

and so i thought to myself, am i willing to take this route ? well, not like as if i CAN get into the media line so damn easily anyways. and furthermore, i've got this passion for it that's burning in me. and im not sure if this passion is going to burn me, later near future. (if you kno wha' i mean).. so i thought to myself (again), do i really want to go for this course ? but at that point of time, my hopes were still high.

then i talked to the bestfriend, dee, about this. she was like, "what's so good about the media?" then i asked myself again and again, "yea, what IS so good about the media ?" and now im really unsure. but that's what i like! inner self: the reason why you like it is because it's all about showbiz.. and i guess it's right. it's because i love singing, acting, dancing that i want to do this thing. so i just kept my cool and just sighed it off.. sigh..

then fadli told me that his sister has a diploma in FSV. the course that i've been dying for. and he said she cant get a job anywhere with this diploma. now she has to go to university to get a degree before getting a nested job for herself. thing is, she's still schooling! because.. she cant get a job! owh. myy. gawd. :O (lela, i borrow awhile ah..) i was like, REALLY??? geeeee.

now im turning to myself, should i or should i not get into media line ? my dad doesnt seem to agree anyways. well i guess god is trying to show me my way out, maybe because ayah doesnt approve it a hundred percent. mom doesnt seem like it, too. WHEN SHE'S THE ONE WHO SAID SHE'LL SUPPORT ME IN ANY LINE I TAKE. grrrr. mom reckoned i should take business studies. when I HATE IT! owh man. why is everyone AGAINST ME?!?!?!?!

brrrrr... it's so frustrating you know. all the close knits around me, cept one or two la, kinda shoved me about my interest in media in a way or another. i can sense it you know! i know it when you say something. i fucking know how to read your mind la, please! okay, "you" here is to all. no one in particular. (i know we used to do that when we're shooting those words to someone in particular, but no, this is for general..) lol, disclaimer. hahaha.

..o'wells..

hey, i just browsed through my picture folder and i found pretty old pictures. well not that old, but just.. old la. :D here are some of my "prom submission pics" i had to send last time. haha. some taken with dee for fun! :D

and as time changes, we change. people change. :D so let's see how i am now.. hee.. xD nyeheh.

nyee haww! okay ive got to go. see ya later alligators! :D

`Bee.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

11:44 PM

there's got to be more to life..

hey all! yes i know, "where have you been, damnit?!" im sorry but i havent been missing, really. im still here. all fine and good. (: and thank god that i did pretty well, miraculously. alhamdullilah that i PASSED MATHS!! and and.. a 3 for english ? not very elated about it. but i think it's reasonable for a pretty screwed compre paper and an overshot compo by me. :D

..my compo mustve been terrific, then. aye ? nyahahas. but oh wells. im so glad that i pass maths. but if only i passed my sciences. then i might be given better choices. but im not complaining. im contented enough. WHEEE. and and ANDDD... mummy bought me a bouquet of pink roses! aww. she's so sweeet. xD

aint they pretty ? and i think it carried 22 stalks. awwww.. (: im so touched. i love you mummy! oh oh.. and it came with a card too! it's so sweet man. melts* though it aint anything mushy, but its from my mom and the thought of it rocks la. cool stuffs. WHEEE.

it reads: "To My Dearest Gurl, Congratulations on your success in 'O' level 2005. May your wishes come true. Luv, Mummy, ayah and hakeem."

awwwww.... dont you just wna go like, "she's so sweeet.." you dont? okay i do, and i did. really amazed la. love her lots. MWACKS!

okay so let's talk about school now. i suddenly have the mood to talk about school which is entirely surprising to me. :D so, ive made some choices on which courses i wna take in my poly years. well ive gone to apply for the Film, Sound and Video course in Ngee Ann through JPSAE last saturday. and i badly really want that course. i hope i get shorlisted and will be called down for the interview. *prays*

cousin yatts is in that course and he said its pretty tough and abg ridzwan said media line nt that encouraged for me la. well he IS a senior writer afterall but wth, i think nothing can come between me and my passion la. not even mrt fares.... okay, no link.

so valentine's day today and stuffs but who cares ? haha. im working and im totally fine with it. cept that part when a colleague of mine accidentally kicked my face while he was packing his stock in the storeroom. grr.. suay sia. no wonder my val's day no mood. HAHA. just kidding. :D

SO, im getting lela MONDO shoes! and im proud to announce it here. because lela helped me quite a lot on maths and i really must thank her. and words are only words you know. i got to show how SINCERE i am. :D so i thought i could buy her a pair of mondo shoes. since she was soooo tempted to try them on, the other day she dropped by with nana at my workplace and saw those beautiFUL mondo shoes being laid there. xD

so people, this is for lela ONLY. i'll treat abg wan someother time for being my e maths/english tutor for the o levels. :D yeay yeay, thanks ppl. i passed!

and and AND hakeem had his haircut! he shaved them hair off and its so freaking short and ..cool. :D he looks more mature. like a soccer player. hahahaha. i forsee that in the years to come. xD

that's my botak and his soccer ball. :D i love him. so muchhhhh! mwahhhs.

so, other than everything that i had mentioned above, there's just one more thing i wna add. mubz called me and told me that USSBand will be having a concert in April at UCC in NUS. Saturday, 8th April i think. and yeaps, and refat told me that ms tan wants to play phantom bm version! WOW. those christine days.. ahhaa. so fun la. i hope i can act/drama again. cool stuff man! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE.. ..or maybe i should let others have a chance. :D

well we'll decide later. for now, i hope i can make it for the concert. cause with all the school that is gna start and the intake stuffs going on nt long from nw, im gna be busy busy busyyyyyy. (which means im nt gna blog a lot la. nyeahahahas. :D)

so, i guess i would be off now. tkcr peepoes. BYEBYE!

my brother and i. xD

`Bee.

Friday, February 10, 2006

11:41 AM

I THINK IM GOING TO SCREW MY RESULTS!

somebody, tell me that im not going to! please!!! omg omg omg. its going to be hell you know. shit. i heard Unity Sec 20% estimation failed english. and and.. i think im one of them! i screwed my english compre. and i screwed it so damn badly, i think. and just last few days, i was looking through the dictionary randomly as a thought suddenly struck me that "im going to fail my english.. (which was why i was looking at the dictionary).."and i quickly slammed the dictionary down.

im FREAKED OUT. like seriously. im totally out of my wits now. ~~and my mother has to add insult to injury~~ raaaaaah` shit shit shit. and 20% is like equivalent TO ONE WHOLE CLASS la! fuckkkkkkkkk.

slap, kick, hit, push, ..kill ME!
i cant take this no more. shit shit shit.
and all i can say now is more and more
swear words.. which is not helping at all!

astaghfiruallah hal 'azim.

ya allah, berilah ku semangat untuk terus berjaya dalam ujian duniawi ini ya allah. sesungguhnya kau lah maha pengadil dan kau sajalah yang tahu bagaimana harus ku teruskan perjalanan ini di dunia yang kau ciptakan, ya allah. berilah ku bimbingan dan rahmat mu. cucurilah ku dengan segala doa doa yang mulia ya allah. kau berilah ku kecemerlangan ya allah. kerana kau lah maha pengadil, lagi maha memahami...

amiin, ya rabal 'a lamin.

`Bee.

Thursday, February 9, 2006

10:40 AM

it's TOMORROW!!!

oh crap! it's so soon. first i was afraid, i was petrified. now, im horrified. like, tremendously. *heartbeats faster. okay stupid. i dont believe it you know. im soooooooo.... im soo.. im soo.. i dont know. it's so soon. that's all i can say.

~too serious too soon.. ):

i already felt the heat early this week about the getting of my results. it's really freaky. just last monday i was talking about the confirmed date for the collection of the results. and i could already felt the tremendous rush down my spine. now, it's getting worst. im more and more afraid of the truth. i really dont know how it'd be once i step into the school hall tomorrow. it's going to be H-E-L-L, i tell you.

i'll keep going to the toilet. or i'll keep trying to not cry. or i'll keep fidgeting like a mad kid on a chair, while waiting. and please, im not anticipating any moment of it. and all these freaky stuffs are making me feel so poignant. owh, im so afraid.

just as i thought i've got so long a vacancy to "do as i wish", i dont. it's ending soon. it's ending today, by the way. it's going to end, at 2:29PM tomorrow. or for some, like me, tonight. and i swear i cant sleep tonight. i know it. i bet i'll be crying on bed to sleep. and sleep because of my very tired body from work. A-F-A-F-A-F-R-A-I-D.. A-F-A-F-A-F-R-A-I-D.. (copied from ashlee's l-o-l-o-l-o-l-o-v-e..) -hurhur.

but anyways, many has told me to stay calm and told me to "relax a little". they said, "maybe its not so bad after all.." and some said, "you can always try alternative routes if you think you cant make it.." well, i can say i have to think optimistically. but im not putting any effort to do so. ive been such a pessimist bitch ever since i learnt about the o level results are going to be released, last week.

boo hoo. im so scared. im TRYING to stay calm okay, people. i am trying so hard. but it keeps coming. im totally daunted and my hopes are dampened. maybe i should learn to really let loose a little. BRRRRRRRRRRR (does monkey faces) eeeee aaahhhhhh oooohhhhh uuuuuuuhhhhhhhhh.. blearghhhh.... brrrrr... squeeeeeekssss......

pfft.

that was silly. okay i guess i do feel much better. and ive got to go to work now. maybe i'll blog later. maybe i wont.

i'll see how okay. and if i dont blog again after friday, i'll be poofing off already. like, gone. i wont talk to you people about my results and dont freaken ask me about it okay! or else, imma kill you assholes and let you rot to death.

meanwhile, THINK POSITIVE, ROOL! =D

`Bee.

Monday, February 6, 2006

11:17 AM

dreams.. what do they mean ?

i realised that i havent been replying to the tags that the blog readers of this blog dropped. im so lazy, you say ? ah yes. im a super lazy girl who doesnt even bother to update my "Events" section on this blog. simply because im a lazy freak. and i dont know why. i hope this lazyness will get the better out of me someday.. i wish. hahahaha.

so here's my tag replies to those who tagged, aye ? (the SUPER late ones, that is) *grins.

nuyul: rool have fat cheeks just like me! AWW, CUTEEEE! i miss u. / oh btw rool, i'll pray for u okayyy! THINK POSITIVE, U CANN GET THRU THIS! heheh (: and its been ages since u tagtag ME!

roOL; fat cheeks ? like YOU ? NO!!! hahaha. naw, just kidding. i have fat cheeks because im fat. (: my cheeks are just growing like me la. i tend to binge a lot nowadays. ah wells. will tagtag u soon k! im a lazy bummer, RMB THAT! nyahahas. (:

emy de great: good luck 4 ur result alright!! must let me know kk!! smile!!!

roOL; since when were the "the great" ? ahh.. anyways, thank you! will let you know if i pass. if not, find me in my graveyard aite ? next to michael jackson's. :D

rul: looking forward to tmr's picnic. i miss you cousin. cya tml k. bbye. DIGICAMSUNITE! love love!

roOL; well, we WENT for that picnic already, aye ? and i must say i miss you so damn much! will send you the pics soon la k. (:

meyaa: meyaa has her azan??????????

roOL; yea, duh ? hahahah...

riah: dahhling! my lovely priest (: thanks for your work tonight hehe. i miss miss you loads loads baby. meet up soon with lotsa hugs and kisses! -shmuacks-

roOL; hey mubz's girlfriend-that-i-legally-married-the-both-of-you, sure no problem. i miss miss you you shit trucks too! shit, in a nicer meaning. (: and.. didnt get to talk much with you on Istana day.. CATCH YOU SOON! (:

dee: yes, you guys embarraased me on the MRT. omg. i wonder wad that nice chap tink of us now. =X

roOL; dont worry, dee. he must be thinking how friendly we were and that he must be the luckiest ass to know girls like us! BE PROUD. nyahahas.

rul: eh.. bias sah.. never blog abt our picnic last sun.. lupa sedara kape!

roOL; lupe sedara otak kau! aku nk blog tapi malas uh. penat dongs. tkd irama yang merdu bagaikan awan yang berkepul kepul dapat mengiringi aku la. kao, mrepek.. xD

ahh.. so, i apologise again for the late replies, aye. just keep tagging aite! will reply asap this time round. (: nyahahas. anyways, ive been having funny/weird/unrealistic dreams these days! hahaha. some were cute.. and some were freaki. but i think i only remembered the cute ones. okay okay, let's recap :

so, i think two nights ago, i dreamt that i was in a lecture theatre. well, studying of course. then the bell suddenly rang and we we're separating for our break. so i was sitting down with a group of friends, simply talking and passing time. then suddenly, there's a bomb explosion in the room. like, it went right through the roof of my lecture theatre and exploded right there... next to me. i tell you, i was FREAKED out.

it was so real. i was practically praying to god to keep me safe and sound. i kept repeating the "dua kalimah syahadah" so that at least if i die, i get to say those words and still die a muslim. however, while the explosion all begun, i had this flashbacks that showed my sinful deeds. my bad side, my ugly side of life that god has never approved. then i thought, im so afraid to die. i havent repent.. and i cant die, yet. i was crying.. and then i woke up.

freaki.. aye ?

and i think i can rmb there's a similar dream to this. about death.. but im not sure whether it was bomb explosion or what. all i could rmb was i was in my last stage, awaiting for death. and it was like, in that stage, i had this "letter" that was sent to me. you know, a rolled up letter like in the past.. it said all my bad deeds and how i should be punished accordingly. and as soon as i read it, i was struggling to live again. but i couldnt.. i saw my vision fade away as my soul struggle to live on but i was... dead.

but that was not the end.. as i lie there on the bed with many weeping relatives, i suddenly jolted up from death and live again.. it's as though god has given me a chance to repent before he really take my life away from me.

and now im afraid. what do these dreams mean ? am i going to.. die ? im not prepared. i seriously am not prepared. ):

but anyhows, ive got cute dreams too. i dreamt that i met a princess. and it was like a "dream come true" in a dream.. you get what i mean ? she was stunningly beautiful. and she was so hot and gorgeous. i remembered looking at her picture in my pc before i leave my house to this "disney land" sort of place and literally meet this princess. and later in the dream, i dreamt that i brought her along the streets of singapore.. to hawker centres and sorts.. and, she wasnt that pretty anymore. HURHUR.

so, yea.. i was pretty happy and excited about this dream but it ended so soon. and the princess was gone. and the next i remembered was me washing my undies because Mrs Red was spilling all over my pants. and, that pretty princess was beside me, only a different character now. LOL, CUTE!

and and.. suddenly i was with sriee and meyaa. we were talking about getting our paychecks. sriee told me that she earned around $1,800 dollars. i was like, ARE YOU SERIOUS ? and she could tell me that her first pay was even higher.. $2, 002. and she wasnt being sarcastic like she always is. and i was totally jealoused of her. and then i woke up because someone called me to say "goodbye".

oh gosh. dreams are dreams. sometimes theyre extremely unrealistic. sometimes theyre just so real. ah wells, i hope my dream entry didnt make you slam your head into the wall out of boredom. until then, im off to work! take care, homies. <3.

`Bee.
lies are lies. we cant help it that they seemed so real. but ive got brains. and mine's better than yours. LOSER!

Sunday, February 5, 2006

11:02 PM

expect the unexpected..*

life has a lot of things that we never thought would happen to us. and i've learnt one very valuable thing that has brought me a long way til this very day. im a person, if you dont know, who always think pessimistically and later, try to overcome it with an optimistic thought. how's that for weirdness ? i'd give a ten.

what am i talking about ? well, im not pretty sure actually. because i lead a very ironic life and i feel that life's fair and square. well, at least god has shown me that He is fair, and that life is fair. maybe you guys will see it one day, someday.. in order to understand what i just started my entry with. but what im driving at is.. that i think that whatever happens, happens for a reason. and whatever reason it may be, retribution plays a part in it. it's all a life-long learning thing, phsychologically.

man, im good. (:

of course, those were just words to comfort my very disturbed mind. up-to-date, ive got so many problems and troubles that's been constantly bugging me and bringing me to a very irritated level. and this then leads me to having emotional discomforts which, as normal as it may seem like, in the end was being laughed off as if nothing's wrong. and to think i could hide it so well, there are people who can still see through my laughters and saw my sorrow and that wounded heart.

and so i got this testimonial from meyaa darls. it was so sweet. so touching. so sensual. i felt as if i was scanned right under an x-ray machine. because the testimonial was as though my x-rays results which showed my inner self. the true me. and i seriously dont know how she does it so well. i even thought her soul's somewhere under my bedsheet covers. well, she is my sister afterall..

---------------------------------------
meyaa Feb 04, 2006 07:45 AM
Saturday, February 04, 2006
i knew you was weak all along

you pretended to be strong

so i just tried to play along

if something hurts you,

somehow it hurts me too

you dont need to have one guy to make you feel so wrong

stop getting messed up in all this shits

stop getting tangled with some jerk's heart

stop falling in love and fall out of it

stop getting so impatient with love-all simply because it hurts me when you're hurt

no matter how long, your time will come

and that time, you dont have to do anything, he'll get you

trust me.

i love you,

yours truly

---------------------------------------

see what i mean? somehow, i have this feeling that im such a hopeless pretentious bitch who goes around laughing hard and so loud, trying to make people laugh only to realise that it's not going anywhere; neither making them feel better or even ease my own broken heart. no, im not regreting. it's been broken ever since adam&eve were created. im just shocked/amazed/appalled/taken aback.. or anything that i can describe to show how surprised i am that what i've been suspecting and expecting (but ironically not wanting it to happen) is finally proven true.

and it's k-i-l-l-i-n-g me. let's not get too into this. i'll end up deleting this whole entry because it's getting alittle too personal. yes, i dont want nobody to know what i feel now because nurool is always happy! (: smile* oh, hahahaha. let's forget what ive just said okay? they're words from the evil witch. so let me tell you a happy story now!

and so, there's this one day when i was on my way home with ayn in the bus. and i was talking to her in that journey back home. and my phone just suddenly rang. it was sharul (bubbles) ..okay that part was funny.. and he, apparantly, had a surprise for me. (tell me which girl dont like surprises?) and yeah, he was asking me if i still want to buy the compact flash that i planned to get after my first pay (which is like never-coming). i only had a 512MB or at most a 1GB one in mind. but little did i know that his dad found a fucking TWO GIGABYTES compact flash while working.

WOW!!

andd andd. he decided to give it to me. because he said that he dont seem to need it and that it was "not useful" to him. and OF COURSE I GLADLY AGREED la. ayn was like so happy for me as well when she overheard the conversation i had with bubbles. (hahaha) cool cool. and now that i, miraculously, own this TWO GB compact flash for my camera, i can now take like two thousand pictures and twenty seven hrs of video! woo hooo. now i can really SELL MY SOUL to my camera. holla re!

THANKS A MILL, BUBBLES! (hahahahah)

so, i can happily strike off the compact flash that is on my wishlist. thanks to Mr Bubbles who saved me on the bucks. may more free "found" stuffs come my way. okay that's such a wistful thought. i must be the luckiest girl on earth to be blessed with such a luck. (: i guess all good things comes to those ~~who wait~~ who have been facing a lot of shit recently. and it's only fair to face a good shit this time round. just hope the tourist wont track down with a micro chip in that compact flash and report me to the police or smth like that. hurhur.

..god IS fair, now you see it? still dont? you're so blind! go pick up braille studies and come back later when i'm blind and start typing in braille.

and i've came to realise something.. i tend to dream a lot and people will snap me out of my daze abruptly whenever im troubled. im a daydreamer, actually. a very bad one. as ive said, im a pessimistic girl in mind. but speaks optimistically as possible. (bad joke, girl) but well, it's inevitable for me not to day dream because its been a habit ever since. and ive been going more and more into day dreaming and im afraid i'll end up in my dream where my friends cant even snap it out of me, no more.

..now THAT's not cool.

so anyhoos, went to NP's open house with mubz last yesterday. it was okay. but i think if i went there much much earlier, it'll be more fun to explore more schools. but it was already four plus when we reached. so didnt get to go around much. but i must say, NP's school of film, media and studies attracted me so damn much. especially the film, sound and video course. MY DREAM COURSE. but it's waaaaay tough. oh god, help me.

so after NP headed to far east plaza for food. mubz was complaining of giddiness and nauseousness because of not having his meal, and that he was "so fucking hungry". so, like a deer who's afraid of the hungry or the VERY hungry vulture to swallow me down, i quickly rushed mubz to far east. (so tragic.. *grits teeth) and the bus just had to STOP AT NOVENA MRT STATION -the opposite, somwhere very far. because roads were blocked for Chingay.

so mubz was going on and on and i had to endure. and when we grabbed the mrt (like king kong, haha) and reached orchard, we saw shahril b. and he was heading to cine to meet wenwei but he doesnt know how to get his way there. so being the nice friend, i showed him his way and continued to head for far east plaza for Sakura.

skip skip skip` finally reached our destination and DUG IN. i could see mubz drooling at his food la. hahaha. he ate heartily while i waited for my food to come. and when he's done, he was complaining that i ate too slow. YOU WERE HUNGRY, MUBZ. hahaha. after sakura, mubz was STILL hungry and we had mrs field's cookies. yummm! my favourite. and of course, walked down the stuffed roads of orchard road and caught one or two glimpse of the festival.

luckily i brought my camera along. (: took snapshots here and there. and there were fireworks! and they were soo pretty. awww.. caught some on my camera but i hope i'll post it here soon, okay ? lazy bummer me, you've got it. (: ah yes, mubz was still not satisfied and bought himself an ice-cream. my gosh, this thing call appetite is really hard to kill, aye? especially mubz's. hahhahaa.

so when we wanted to go home, we were STUCK. we couldnt cross to get on the mrt at somerset, NOR could we get on the one at orchard. so when Chingay ended, we went to the bus stop behind Ngee Ann City hoping to hop onto service 190 to get us nearer to home. but it never came.. i think it's the road blocks still. and time was already almost eleven pm. so i reckoned mubz that we get out of there and take the mrt at orchard.

things took its worst later. we couldnt get out of Wisma Atria! well i thought we could leave through the underpass and straight into the mrt station but the basement gates were locked. and, we had to leave through the second level. mubz and i were in despair when the escalators were all closed. so we took the lazy route and get on the lift.. which could give me 10 kids while waiting.

FINALLY, we got out of Wisma and into Orchard MRT. it was a minute before eleven then. and i reckoned mubz we take the "bounce trip" to Marina Bay so we can get seats. but as soon as we were at Somerset, i couldnt wait no more and decided to just swap MRTs there. on the way home, mubz and i were like crapping and cam-whoring all the way. and being the good friend, mubz accompanied me all the way to Yew Tee. (: thanks, dude!

well, so much recap that ive done for now. it's actually 2:28 AM now but i purposely post this at 11:02 PM because im still in the weekends mood. ive got work later and i need to sleep now. will blog soon again, people. and with more pictures, i hope! LOVE YOU PEOPLE CRAZY!

`Bee.

betapa hebat nya kau di hati ini...

6:01 PM

how's me ?!

ive been good people. sorry for the uber lack of updates. but i'll give a short brief as to what happened to me. HAHA. so tragic..

istana performance.

this was okay. pretty fun. (: met azman ! haha. and riah, yew hao, maimunah, tanglin friends, and erm.. xin tong! heee. they were so sweet. riah and xin tong gave out chocs and they were marvellous. had a short yu sheng after that with the band and yea, crapped with mubz, siti and john. all's good. and i miss band. (: poor eugene.. got scolded by ms tan. but it's okay i guess.. i hope he's fine. i love USSBand! <3.>

the best people of my life. (: horn section. <3!

the rest of the week`

the rest of the week was working day. i think i'll get my pay around this coming week ? i dont know. but it better be quick. mom's getting mad for my usage of her kerchinggs. =\

sunday family picnic at ecp.

i finally get to meet nurul again! i miss miss her. love love her. mwacks. (: yeay yeay.. i had so much fun la on that day. but i slept after bathing in the sea and i missed out more fun. they went cycling and blahs. and finally i talked to maznah! (: hahahaha. i love the maznahs. WE ALL DO! huggs*

the rest of the time

i think i'll be pretty busy these days. with the results releasing on the 10th, i think it's gna be a hell of a time for me. no more procrastinations. ive got to prepare myself for the worst. ): and i havent exactly been in the best of moods. a lot of things took its turn for the worst now and i got to learn to juggle sorrows (many sorrows) at a time. and it's time i learn to let go..

he's so cute. (:

so long fellas,
`Bee.