it was a funky happy day yesterday. (: though there wasnt frisbee training, it was still crazy! wait, let me recall. it's wednesday yesterday and ohh, school started at 11am. as usual, thanks to my late nights and my insomia, i couldn't sleep which resulted me to wake up late. PFFT.


i seriously dont know what's wrong with me, too!


school was alright, i guess. it was normal, very blunt anyways. but it was perky towards the end of school. hahahaha, nikki and i had were chilling together at macs..(which, speaking of it, i felt so bloody guilty la! ..i'll get back to that).. and we're laughing and laughing like there's no tmrw. we talked about anything and almost everything and there's this weird cleaner, he just sardinely LOOKED at my cellphone i showed it to nikki. he's fucking weird! ..yes, an understatement.


so, as i was saying. i felt so guilty! when it comes to food, like all the time. and uncle rahim, vendor of the malay stall at north canteen kept giving me a lot of food everytime i ordered. okay, i know youre my dad's friend but please, dont make me overeat! i feel so guilty. so yesterday, i ate all three meals in one day! breakfast, lunch and dinner. i never ate three meals a day ever, and yesterday, thanks to mom, i broke my virgin record. pfft.


but it's okay. NO! it's not okay. there's no frisbee and that means no running, training, working out OR oogling at hawt guys. hohoho! i declare myself guilty for doing so man, okay i'm really guilty! i just realised frisbee has a lot of cute guys. oooh, i like like love love it! c(=


and im sure nikki and carisa might agree? hahaha. i dont know about carisa, but nikki.. heh heh. okay la. maybe it's only me? hahaha. I JUST FIND THEM SO CUTEE.. wheee.


if youre going to purposely piss me off, youre succeeding. happy? i just hate it when it gets colder and colder talking to you. if you dont like talking to me, just tell me so. i hate it when you play hot and cold with me. one minute youre okay with me, the next you just cant be bothered. what do you think i am? a robot with no feelings? thanks. period.


im in the computer lab now, by the way. and oh my gosh, it's so quiet in here that my earphones (attached to the pc) seems to be blasting!! with avenged sevenfold playing on the player and my depressment mood sinking in, it just makes me feel so stupidly emo and retard. eeeeks!


argh, ive been singing bella luna since day 1 when i got it from who? i dont know. and i keep singing and singing that song til i literally SIGHED to a halt. i practically sigh so hard, to stop singing. "bella luna.. my beautiful beautiful moon, how you swoon me like no other.. SIGHHH" yes, like that. it's so frustrating to be singing such a beautiful song which has so much emotion and next, youre thinking and reminiscing all the fun times you had with the person related closely to that song.


it's so frustrating, isn't it? too much memories, too little time. i'm practically flooded with memories and tears every night. thinking of how nice the feeling was while it lasted and now, how i should've treasured every moment of it. it's just sooooo... urgh.


im so sick of crying already.
im so sick of thinking,
im so sick of telling myself it's over.
im so sick of constantly putting up a fake front,
and laugh at silly little jokes when i dont even listen to it.
i hate to be so fake and plastic.
i hate it to feel what im feeling!


oh bella bella, please.. bella you beautiful luna.. oh bella do what you do..


SEE WHAT I MEAN? jason mraz! why are your songs so melancholicly beautiful? tsk.



oh, and im currently hooked on 5 other songs besides bella luna.
1. niki fm - hawthorne heights.
2. unholy confessions - avenged sevenfold
3. photograph - nickelback
4. the lonliness - babyface
5. my only one - plain white t's



okay, that was so random.





i guess i nda break. a time-out.


oh btw, i saw a body (dead) during bio practical just now. IT'S FREEZING COLD IN THERE. and the stench smell is unbearable. the way my lecturer held it's arms (chopped off, btw) and used the thongs to clip on the blood vessels and arteries is soooo.. eeky. my classmate cried due to shock. oh, it was so disgusting? i dont know if that's the right word even. it's just so poor thing la. but i feel so scared? ohh, that's bad.


but the experience rocked. (:




okay, time's up. 12.53pm. ive got a class at 1pm!
till next time.
`Bee.

it was a fun day in school. minus the front part, that is. okay, so i woke up late. and missed the 2nd lecture. 2ND LECTURE?? -screams. yesyes, i know. carisa called me at 8.34am telling me that she just woke up. i was like, shit, im still in bed! but heck, i planned to skip it anyways.

and i thought i could wake up like, at 10am later in the morning. i'll still be late to catch the train and rush to school because lecture starts at 11am and i was just zonked out! i couldnt help but to continue sleeping til nikki called.. at 10.48am! oh fuck, i know i was going to be late.

but i didnt care, la. and i thought i could rush to school just in time to get my attendance ticked, fooling bella, the lecturer. but dangs, she purposely ended lecture early and by the time i reached school, nikki and carisa were HALFWAY through lunch. pfft.

but it's okay. i didnt sleep the whole night, last monday morning. i just cant sleep. insomia! -screams (again). what the heck, it was soo irritating la. and that's when i got the time to edit pictures. haha, so much for 'supposed-to-be-working-on-my-bloody-ICA'. eeeks! i swear im never going to touch on it til the rest of them have completed it and leave it to me to finalise! -arghs.

and clinical today was fun. (: oh hell yea. we learnt about urosheath catheterisation-slash-condom catheterisation. hah, of course, i got shushed by fana to tell me to shut my trap because she knew what was on my mind, the moment joelle told us today's clinical agenda.

hoho.

one of my groupmates were totally shunned by the practice of catheterising the patient just now. yes, you guessed it right. she's a PRC - go figure that bit out yourself - and i wasnt shocked at all. i knew she was going to -the very least- comment on our misbehaviour with the poor manequin's dick penis. but she totally shunned herself.

it was weird at first, because everyone was having fun. c'mon, christina removed the stomach and took out the intestines and kidney of the manequin and throwed across the room to me. at first i was like, what the fuck? but then, i made her throw more organs. hahaha, it was awesome la. ..oh? and joelle? she was in the sluice room. a.k.a the shit room.

and i think ive got the weirdest of dreams last night? haha, i dreamt that ema was riding her boyfriend's bike instead of hers? and that i found two branded and new phones by the drain. and one of them belonged to dee. but i was like, "phones! ..uhh? dee's? pfft. it's mine, anyways." hahahaha.


and i just couldnt stop sleeping la, i was so fucking tired! like, helluva tired. so damn tired. totally drained. i think it was because of my insomia? and frisbee training, too. but i felt that yesterday's training was the slackest of all! because while everyone else came at 6.30pm latest, i arrived at 7pm. (thanks to ee dzhu) so, the only physical thing i did was the two-rounds that i ran for warming up. other than that? hahaha, drooling at guys, i guess? heh heh. joke.





i didnt even enjoyed the training, man. and i barely TOUCHED the disc. oh right, and before the game? me, carisa and nikki left. hah, them; to do ICA. me; to faster go home and SLEEP. which i didnt, of course. planned to go grandmama's place to massage my arms for me, but mom didnt tell her about it, so yeahhs.


ahh, my arms you asked? hahaha. i fell while blading (incline skating) at the empty carpark space with uncle boy and nadia last sunday. SUCK, i tell you! i fell twice.. ONLY, okay sharul. hahaha. =P the first time i fell was when i tried to practice my turns like the short, sharp turns. but i fucking lost balance and fell ON MY TAILBONE! and that's no fun. second time was worst. i was blading to nadia and there's this THING on the floor that i fucking tripped on which landed me right on my end of spine, near the previous spot and totally cracked up my back AND twisting my wrist.

fuck! yes, fuck.


it was awwwwful! i was in gruesome pain that we all were sent packing home. HAHA, and uncle boy was like, "eh, nurse casualty ah?" and i was like, "hello? im in enough pain physically AND emotionally already, okay?" and he was like, "okay.. joke." hahaha. he had better. or else, imma throw his blades out la. and he actually gave (okay, lend me. JUST lend) me the speed blades! i was like, it's been bloody years since i bladed?! but dad kept pushing me and said i could blade. so, THERE GOES.


oh, and uncle boy changed his rollers to speed rollers. i was like, DAMN YOU! hahaha. okay, i wished i could say that la. but hell, the thrill was cool. super madness. (: i loved his blades instantly! maybe i can call ang jia yi up to blade with me! hoho, he's a professional at it, im sure he can coach me some skills. =D


SO TODAY, i went to grandmama's place to massage my arms. UNFORTUNATELY, she massaged one side only. my right arm, which apparently, was the terribly painful one. i guess she was tired la. haha, im so mean. everytime hop by her place just to ask for a massage. other than that? nothing else. hahaha. meanie me. i shall drop by more often! for free food, this time! x)





oh, and you know what's the best for today? watching soccer with my parents. NONO, that's not the best part yet. the best part was?





BRASIL WON GHANA 3-0! HELL YEA MAN!!

oh shit, what could be more BEST than this? with my fatman ronaldo (wow, he's grown so fucking fat now) and his samba style, dribbling the ball so perfectly, fooling ghana's goalkeeper and digged the ball straight into the goalpost milli-seconds before the ghana player tackled away the ball from him, TELL ME WHAT COULD BE MORE SATISFYING THAN YOUR BLOODY/SORROW/TERRIBLY BAD DAY?


ans: NOTHING!

bloody hell, it was in the fourth minute and forty six seconds and he just dug the ball right smack into the GOALPOST! i swear i couldve kissed his ass for scoring that bloody goal. it was soooo pretty, so beautiful. i'd do anything to get his fatTUMMY/ass/man right next to me, DUDE! fucking shit. im so happy! (:


the first person i sms-ed after the whole match was? sharul. hahaha. i dont know why? prolly at that time, the only number i memorised was his and i just couldnt contain my freaking happiness. after that post-happiness, i sms-ed hafiz. but he didnt reply. damn, he couldnt be sleeping! HIS IDOL FREAKING SCORED THE FIRST GOAL FOR BRASIL, MAN! hohoho. iloveRONALDO. that bloody fatman of mine. :D i'll dream about you tonight!


and the next match - france vs spain. match's at 3am. it's 2.20am now, as i update this blog. i dont know if i should catch it. i might, though. considering zidane is in it, playing for france. but i dont know, prolly i wont too. hahaha, brasil's triumph is enough for me to consider world cup's over. HAHAHA, okay maybe just for tonight. (: wheeeeeee.


and for the match later? i hope it'll score 2-1. of course, with france winning the match. henry's playing in it, too you know! hahaha. that arsenal-ass. ohmygosh, i just realised my soccer favourites matches hafiz's. hoho! hey, we're not siblings for nothing! haha, siblings of different parents. beat that. ((:


for now? i guess i'll go do something, if not turn in. yepps.

and btw, ive finished Janet Dailey's "Rivals". it was awesome, the ending. cool. Flame and Chance were finally back together and decided that they should drop Morgan's Walk. they realised their lives were far more important than what they're going for, to spite each other - revenge. and i think the whole ending was sooo cool, i just think reading it one more time won't hurt. (: the current book im reading now suck, anyways.

im going to switch to Stephen White's "Manner of death" soon. it's going to be about detectives and sorts. i hope it's going to be cool, like really cool. just like brasil's match tonight. awwesomme. :))


oh? and.. yes, it really hurts sitting next to someone you know you cant have.
painful, isnt it? quoted from lela.


nights,
`Bee.

we had group discussion on friday. and it was helluva fun. (: oh, tell me what's no fun with my girls around?

nikki.carisa.nurool. i love them to bits&crumbles!

of course, there's the camera. which makes it all even more fun, wont it? haha!

we, the camwhores, took so many pictures and are GUILTY! (: wheeee. i missed them girls.

yesyes, we were THAT lame. hahaha. look at that! it's our fingers and myface-cum-nikki's-palms photocopied using the photostating machine! ..oh and ka ching's card! hahaha. oops, sorry ka ching!

let's have a closer look.

nice nice? yes yes!! wheeee.






we, then got really bored. and probably sick of doing 1027 ICA. hence..









to the macdonald's we DECIDED to go!



haha. carisa was talking about her balding forehead. and nikki was.. UHM, nikki what were you doing? hahaha. and me? oh, just listen la.. hahaha.



we were deciding on food AND just needed to THINK ALOUD. (:



and snapp! it's our turn. (: then i didnt want to eat. hahaha. so i took them ordering the food.



HAHA, did you ever see anyone order food LIKE THEM? tsktsktsk..



carisa: where's my money?
nikki: smile! =D
nurool: ehh eh! -snapped- ..walao..



FINALLY, the food. (:



carisa and hers.



nikki and hers..



thanks to my wacky idea and good camera, carisa decided to show us a JUMP! ..nice? hahaha.



so, while carisa enjoy her fillet-o-fish,



and her fries..



nikki and i started goofing around with the camera!



yyeahhhs..



then, hafiz called me. and i got to go!


yeps, i zoomed off to yio chu kang and met HAFIZ MY BROTHER! oh hell yea, it's been so long. missed him like a lot a lot. hoho. we crapped as usual.. still not believing that we're in front of each other. ahaha. (: ooo.. it was definately nice seeing him again!


so, i brought him to nurul's BIRTHDAY party! yeah! that girl finally turned 17! wheeeee. love you girl. (: reached her house and luckily, all her ite friends were gone. haha, i was afraid i couldnt clique with them, that's why i brought hafiz, you see. yeahhs. and guess who were there?


ALL THE EX-WPS/EX-PSS/and all the other related factors were! oh hell yea, we were rocking the house down with all the laughters and.. my screams.. hAHAa! sorry! we were watching "ghostly videos" on youtube. so, yeahhs..


i couldnt stay long because hafiz couldnt. and i cant possibly ask him to go himself, aye? so we took our stuffs and we got our asses out. haha. BUT I HAD SO MUCH FUN! we took birthday wishes videos and the w hole house was just so superbly fun la. (:



abi, me and farah! (:



the crowd!



and again! wheeee.


you guys rock! and hope nurul had a blast on her birthday. LOVE YOU COUSIN!


and to hafiz? nice meeting you! haha, should meet more okay? haha. you rock, too dude. peace*



back to projects & presentations!
more updates soon.
`Bee.

replies to taggs*


dee: hee, yeaps, youre the first. (: and thanks for the believe that im strong! haha, though i really think that im not. im fucking weak la, you knw me. pfft. and i know you'll always be there. thanks bestie. love you.. (:


rul: hey, thanks for the award! whee. ((: hahaha. and happy birthday dear. LOVE YOU MANY2 too! mwacks. may your hopes, dreams and wishes come true k? and stay happy with yazid! LOVE! (:


syuadah: syu! thanks. love you man, girl. you tkcr too k? and make sure you give me a hug on monday or when school reopens and you see me kays? mwacks. love love ya. peace* miss you lots, too! mwacks.



and to shahril, thanks for the meet-up bro. i feel pretty relieved lar. not so sad already. but i'll try to stay strong. i need support! and thanks for being there for me. and hope to see hafiz tmrw! hahaha. miss that assholic bro. ((: peace,dude*




`Bee.

argh. fuck it la. just fuck everything la.



im fucking useless.



-CRIES*



`Bee-tch.

sometimes, life gives you the taste of reality that we feel we dont deserve because our fragile heart is just so feeble that at times, you just feel so broken readily. yes, im writing this to self-console. and i hope it works. -prays.


im trying to take things optimistically, now. (: and it's nothing that ive done before, so far. because i'll always drown myself in melancholy everytime something/someone hurts me but now, i need to learn to be strong. i need to face up to truth and accept facts. well, at least i need to build up a strong front first. and to do so, i need to change my mentality. motivate me, people!


hahaha.. it's not so hard, afterall. or probably, it hasn't hit me yet. two days of crying hasn't been fun of course. im being open now because i need to let this out, risking privacy or not. i dont care, anymore. i just want to be strong. im trying very hard now. and im preparing myself to face the music, that's not so nice to hear, i forsee.


but it's okay. (: nurool is a strong girl. yeps, i am. you people agree, right?? hahaha. "communicating with audience is the most important factor during presentation.." okay, this is what projects and bullshits are making me into, a geek. eeks! so, back to the point. i guess now, it's time i take my mind off those bloody shits that has happened these days, and relax a little. it's so hard to concentrate especially you've got one huge pile of work in front of you. because all you're thinking of is your stupid stupid sad story. pathetic, i am. pfft.


well, i would have wished this thing is told to me after my presentations are all over. so that, ive got more time to consume and digest the work and task that is right smack on my face, now. but it's okay. everything's happened and done. i'll just wait for the answer. meanwhile, i'd back out.


peace*




so, yesterday, grandmama massaged me! oompf, the feeling is really good. but i was hell screaming my lungs out, partially naked on her bed, when she touched my skin. it was deliriously painful. and i could admit to that, i was pretty high for a moment, though. ahaha.


it certainly felt good, like really really good. because i was all stressed and tensed up. all the crying and thinking made me so fatigue and tired. so the "spa" was marvellous. i wished grandmama can do it again. -pouts. well, she said if i really want to have a complete session, it'll be three times for a hundred bucks. and i was telling her, "hey! im your granddaughter, give me a discount, man!" ahaha, grandmama rocks. (: i love you!


my uncle had a cut on his index finger. shrieks! and he went for an operation the other day, because according to the doctor, the major artery and vein on his finger was cut and caused the blood to flow non-stop, as if gushing out. and the doctor cant even freeze the finger to stop the blood, it was redundant. so it had to be sliced or cut, or something i dont know. but i know it was pretty gross..


okay okay, i know im a nurse. but c'mon, im not trained to see sliced fingers or gushing blood since young, man. cut me some slack! i still shiver at the sight of gushed blood and swollen foot with pus all around it. it's disgusting. but i've got to overcome it, i know. oooh, ewks.


i dont know if there's group discussion today. i need a group discussion. we have to complete that bloody 1027 ICA because i cant take it anymore. i need a break, man. like, seriously! i honestly cannot go on doing it anymore. my mind is too filled and im brimming with too many thoughts.


so, i shall call the group mates now and MAKE them come down! hohoho.




`Bee.

i've been marked by lela to do this, and according to her, it'll be really wonderful.. the feeling that is. but well, i'll see how it makes me feel.

INSTRUCTIONS: Write ten statements, intended to different people - things you've always wanted to tell them. never tell which one is to whom.

1. heyy. i guess we havent been spending much time together have we? we're each caught up with our own work and world and the mugging fantasy. your mye are coming and my ICAs are neverending. but i really am sorry if you think i havent been there for you all these while like i should. i've been caught up with a lot of things, and i dont know if the 'too much things' that im caught up with has made it sound as an excuse to you. i wont be surprised if you think that way, though. because i dont know how else i should explain the workload that's burdening me right now. but i think the most important thing right now that i want to tell you would be that youve been a great friend. yes, it's so cliche and common, but i really want to tell you that youve been such a good friend, even though we may seem to disagree, to fight and to bicker with each other, but having you as my bestfriend can replace nothing else in this world. and i hope to make it stay that way. i dont ever want to lose you and in fact, i love you. in all aspects, of course. and i still want to be the girl, your bestfriend that you run to all these while..
   
   
   
   
2. hello there. i dont know which i hate more; your wife, or my mother. it suck to realise how distant we are from each other and to not being able to do anything about it. i hate it when you always have to bring your family along whenever we meet each other. what is life without them for once? just once when youre out with me. ive been greatly deprived of paternal love and i just hate it when i have to go through the 'rituals' with the other people before i get to spend my time with you. i miss you. and i want you. ): it's so sad to know that youre there for me, but inwardly i just cant bring myself out to you. i cant pour the things that ive kept in me for so long because there's so many differences between us. you want me to be a simple girl, with enough morale and religious knowledge to save up for doom's day, at the expense of all life's great offers.. but is that what i really want? i know i cant please two sides of my ying and yang. but pleasing just these two sides alone has taken away the time to please my own self. i know i shouldnt be selfish. but i have to.. at times, and sometimes, i just feel like letting go everything.. :(
   
   
   
   
3. and you, stop accusing me can or not? argh. i hate it to the core. you keep thinking that im using 'doing presentations' as an excuse to use the computer or go out. but what the hell, youre wrong. im doing this for my bloody group as a bloody important thing okay. youre nobody to stop and tell me what to do and what not to. i hate it. i fucking hate it and you must know. come on, youre the closest kin that i have. the one that should understand me more than anyone else. and i dont think youre even working on it. despite how much i admired you to be such a strong woman of knowledge and power, i think dad's right. sometimes, you need to humble down and stop taking charge of everything. i know youre like that, i know youre strong in your character. but you need to kneel down at things out of your reach. i love you, i really do. but i dont and i cant show it because of your arrogance that i sometimes find it hard to take in. it's painful, you know! painful!
   
   
   
   
4. eh woman, where have you been uh? you've been MIA since the start of the two week term break and the projects have been neglected like nobody's business. you said you had some netball competition thing. okay, i gave way. but this week, you said you'll be done with it. but it's already wednesday and i see/hear nothing of you! where's your responsibility? if i dont work on this project, the whole group will just collapse and the ICA, we'll just fail it with a good hard "F" right smack in your face.. and in the rest of the others, too. dont you think you can run away from this, girl. im still tolerating as much as i can and im still holding on and stretching my limits. when this fucking ICA is over, you'll see what you get. and i dont give a damn anymore. if this ICA is not up to my satisfaction, you'll get it. you'll bloody get it from me. im warning you. because youre not only affecting the group's grade, but youre affecting my bloody grade as well and you better not dare to let me have a fucking fail grade and im seriously warning you right now. period.
   
   
   
   
5. hey! where do i start? okay, i miss you. like a lot a lot. ive been wanting to see you again, and go out with you again! since sec 2 when we parted, i only met you like, thrice? okay, maybe plus minus some other times we've met but gee, i seriously missed you. pretty sad that you went out with them but not me. like, you didnt plan anything to go out with me. hey, im your friend too right? if you missed me, you should have sms-ed me or something! heyyy... i wna see you again. i really had my fun times with you back in our schooling days. all the crappings, bitchings and lameness, it was all fun. still etched in my memory vividly. i wont ever forget the good and super fun moments we had. it was tremendously fantastic. (: i really hope we'll meet each other again. and this time, hopefully i wont cry! hee, i'll try k? and hey, be more loving lahh.. that time i hugged you, you like dont want like that. haha, its you i know. and thank god it really was you when we hugged. ((:
   
   
   
   
6. oi! gundoo. haha, you know i'm referring to you lah. yes, it's you, bitch. oh my, poly life has been fun with you around. for starters, i thought i'd never be stuck with anyone i can rely on in poly and it kinda sucked actually. but when i found out that we're in the same bloody tutorial group? oh, hell.. i know it was going to be rocking fun. and it still is right? even though you pangseh me for fb camp that time, nevermindd.. i'll make sure you wont dare to pangseh me again. hah, and make you remember it right shoved up your ass. :D anyways, i know we weren't close at all during sec2. but hell, we did have the best memories in 2e1, aye? haha. and even in poly life, im glad im making good memories that's to be reminisced when we graduate come year 3, with you. (: seriously? i love you lah, bitch. ahaha. next time dont be too nice on people okay? and learn to love people more! especially me! hahaha. asshole. see you when school reopens! free shower ah? heh heh.. *winks*
   
   
   
   
7. ola, there. even though i knew what you said, was going to come in time, i still tried to remain the same for you. but the night when you told me everything that you had to say, it just shattered me la. im telling this honestly from my heart. first, i didnt think that you'd actually think about this as far-fetched as you did. i mean, hey, i didnt think of being with anyone too.. at least not yet. but it surprised me the most when you just came back and blurrted those words to me, like as if it was a speech award that im receiving. only that it's a not-so-happy news. secondly, i didnt know what made you say that to me. is it because of my reactions? or was it because of people's questions? or something that i said to make you think and really ponder hard on this? wow, i swear i dont know at all. and i wish to know if you'd let me. i admit, i like you a lot a lot. like veeerrrrryyyyyy much. but i really havent thought of the idea to be with you, yet. i tried to tell myself again and again that it's okay, maybe youre just playing safe to prevent more hurt and to remind me of where i stand. but i guess it's not so natural of me to treat like nothing's wrong especially when this thing has impacted me quite hard. and i trully, sincerely apologise for acting all awkward and sorts in front of you just now when we met. i didnt mean to do it. i was busy, trying to make myself feel better. probably too busy that i dont realise my actions are not how it was supposed to be. but i will be like before, i can be like that.. just give me time. i really swear i dont want to lose you. after all that we've been through. i really really dont want to lose you. ):
   
   
   
   
8. i guess when it comes to you, the first thing i have to say is, "thank you". (: for being there for me, for always listening to my rants and for being my good buddy, without realising it! haha, i dont think you'll even be reading this but i just want to let you know that i truly care for you. i know that's what a nurse should do but let me stress this okay, i care for you. as a buddy and as a good friend. crapping and laughing hard was those days i wish to relive again when it comes to you. hahaha, they rock, dont they? but time has passed and we've got our own lives to live now. hoho! and tell me more about that new chick youre aiming okay? and stop thinking about your past already. it's not going to help. and about your health, i really hope there's something that can be done to it. im worried, lor. pfft. okayla. so long and tkcr bro.~ peace*
   
   
   
   
9. heyy.. i really wonder where have you been you know. ever since o levels ended, ive never seen or even heard of you anymore. wow, MIA aye? i heard youve got a new girlfriend, and that youre rounder now. hahaha. im sorry, but that's what my friends said when they saw you. i want to see you, man! it's been so long. and i want to see how rounder you are, now. hoho. but i guess i have to say this afterall, you are one fine guy with big dreams. (: i see you going far. and i really hope your dreams come true. i'll be glad to see you being successful! and you have to treat me lunch after that, okay? haha. i dont think you'll ever see this message but it's okay.. thank you for good memories. (:
   
   
   
   
10. finally, it's your turn! haha. yes, you! yoU yOU YOU! i.. uh, i dont know what to say already. im still thinking if, meeting you is the best thing that has happened in my life or not. hah, prolly we're not cousins for nothing. and im glad your uncle married my mom. (: because with you, ive developed soo many memories. wonderful wonderful ones. thank you cousin! yeaps, now school and your house is like so goddamned near. but still, you rarely have the time to come down to my school and see me! hmpf. useless you, neneh.. haha but it's okay. i really want to have another sleepover at your place! the last i had was like yeeeeaaarrrrssss ago. pri 3? wow. so NONG ago hor?! oi, girl. youve been the best cousin for me la, asshole you. ive seen you grown and youve seen me sleep in all the different positions no one saw. hahaha, and we've bathed together too! got scolded together. eat together, shit la. everything also together. school, cca. then i had to leave. im so sorry! oh, i still remembered i lied to you about me having lung cancer? hahaha. you cried man! aww.. sorry cousin. just wanted to check if you still loved me, lah. see? now i know you do. heh heh. and now that youve got a boyfriend, i think sparing me some time would be even more difficult, aye? but no worries, i'll wait til youre free-er and we'll chill okay? TAKE CARE COUSIN. i love you always. forever. and til eternity. mwacksmwacks!! *huggs.

there. ive done it. (: yeps, i felt good. thanks, lela.

`Bee.

shat·ter ( P ) Pronunciation Key (shtr)v. shat·tered, shat·ter·ing, shat·ters v. tr.
To cause to break or burst suddenly into pieces, as with a violent blow.
To damage seriously; disable:
To cause the destruction or ruin of; destroy


i had a dream again. hah, dejavu? not cool. its sucked la. but it's alright. sorry, im not making any sense here. pfft.


my muscles are still aching, man. aching from all those running and trainings. and now, it aching even more. hoho. ache ache ache~


saturday i saw you, holding hands with someone new
somehow i kept my composure just like everything was cool.
but inside i kept repeating, "dont you let 'em see you cry"
so i casually turned my head, as the tears rolled down my eyes..
-"circles" by mariah carey


i love mariah carey. her voice. her figure (way before now) and of course, her songs. well, i'd prefer her older songs, though. sentimental, and all slow.. nice. i ever dreamed of being like her. singing on a stage, dominating the whole stage and the rest of the people watching me sing my lungs out. wow~ it's amazing. but of course, dreams can only be dreams.

if you cant achieve a dream, work on it,
but if you still fail,
probably it's best to be only a dream..


ohh, and michael jackson. my ultimate childhood idol. i was crazyyyy for him, yo! you should see how i imitated him when he had his musicals, in his video clips, his performances. ohh, heaven!! was talking to amy about him, and turned out that she loved him just the same as i do, when we were young! we talked about this during camp. and i thought it was the best thing ever. (((:


the way he danced, and moonwalked by the row of tinted spot lights.. and slide right across the stage, with his white cotton tee shirt and his thick leather jacket.. with fingers all taped at the end, and his unmistakable curly hair and not-so-white face, the way he screamed his "ahhhhh" and the whole stage will be filled with wind blowing through his face and make his hair fly in the wind, and all the children at the back, singing along with him by choir. oh my gawd. i just miss that jackson before.


now he's so changed. so transformed. so evolved. bleached body, straightened hair, nose job, bad records; phidophile, no longer creating nice songs. damn, makes me just want to go back straight to 1995 when i was only, say, 5 years old?


oh michael jackson, i'll always remember you.


oh btw, yesterday was a nice date. such a memorable one. 20062006. yeps, was reminded of it through lela. (: and last year, 20052005, it wasnt so memorable after all. ahaha. let's not go into that bit. but last night, it was a memorable one. though not so pleasant, but it was a memorable moment of truth. (:


dont ask me, if you dont know. i wont tell. nuh-uh. thank you very good.


okay, i shall end my post now with a few of other micheal jackson's pictures. yay. ((:



oh oh, and im soooo in love with him last time, that i even got his book! check this out..

yesyes, it is by my side like right now! im soooo gna start reading it! wheee..


okay, im late.
`Bee.

frisbee camp was fun. (: ooh, tell me about fun! though it was tiring as hell in the beginning, i certainly enjoyed it. but Flowwy didnt allow me to really run during the morning run, from north to south of the whole campus. instead, Flowwy just made it worst with unwanted cramps and more... related problems coming from that.


but nevertheless, i still ran slowly. really slowly.. with sarah, kelvin and denis (: yeps. sarah was freaken fatigue from the day before's serious training, and denis was 'injured' from soccer league. while kelvin was the perfectly fit one, 'looking after' the three perfectly unfit ones. hee, it was cool.


the camp was started with the groupings of the whole team. there was the horse team, the bird, elephant and the monkey team. as yes - you guessed right - i was in the monkey team. i was with florence and germaine, thank god but poor amy was with nobody she knew of in that group. ):<


but it didnt mattered, though. because the rest of the time, we were either training, or sitting in our own cliques during lunch. but it was after lunch that we had "treasure hunt" which is apparantly, causing us all the cramps in our whole body now. hoho. we couldnt use the lifts, and the places were as high as level 6, and as secluded as the far-end carpark. now, what's with that?


and that time, we were sorted (or more like, reshuffled) into another grouping that, now, remained impact. i had suzanne, shawn, zack, daniel and bo ling in my team and they were one hell of a caring team. especially zack (: i love his fatherly attitude. well, maybe because he may be as old to be one himself. but really, i felt that my team has bonded a lot. and it's fun - with all the love and concern!


or was it because it was me, who always led the way, but when i was strucked with my cramp along the way, they had to stop because of two reasons: one - they were scared i fainted or something worst than that, or two - they didnt want to really lose their way. (: haha, joke.


i loved them, still! =D


night fell, and it was dinner time. oh cool, my "halal food" was the best among the rest. i liked the feeling of envied eyes watching my every scoop of rice that i brought into my mouth. the feeling was heaven. hahaha, they even asked to trade containers with me! hell, no. *waggs tail* and so much for shawn's idea of "putting his food into my container and the whole thing is his, already.." hoho, it wont work, boy! :)


then, came the water bomb battlefield. wow, the WHOLE hockey pitch was bombarded with bombs. and the desperate juniors were flying bags of water into the air, and right into the senior's face/body/ass/leg/whatever. haha. it was cool. and my team? we played smart. we chill one corner and waited for people to bomb us. well, the game was supposed to be that the bombers had to bomb the flag-barrier and wet each team's flag that they had, then they'll lose. but everyone forgotten that bit and started bombing on each other like enemies. hahaha.


kenneth, the captian got the worst. next? mark. haha. you should see how he tried to steal team three's water bomb and got bombed himself wet. lol!~ and since then, he just kept running.. away from team three AND the people who just had to bomb him. cutee~~ hahaha.. zack reckoned that we should keep some of the water bombs, so that when every one else finished theirs, we can finally ATTACK! them. so we agreed and kept our water bombs under the cones.


the time came, and we still had bombs. i took one and chased florence with it. i thought she didnt have! i almost throw to her, but when i saw her hands, i just faked the throw and she throw her bomb at me. wasting her last bomb. hahaha. so i just kept the bomb and chased her. but denis was right next to me, staring blankly. well, he was a target! he was bombless and he couldnt run! because of his injured leg, rmb? haha. so aper lagii.. i bombed him right smack in his body! woooo~ and he gave that, damn-i-was-bombed look and tried to run, but useless. hahaha.


we went to wash up and got ready to watch the seniors versus the disc knights. our 'special guest appearance' to game against our seniors. and i tell you, it was fantastic. really superb, though the seniors had some silly mistakes, but it was cool. now, i'm envious!


the game lasted for 15 points. and the final score was 15 - 7. yes, the seniors lost. but they lost with pride! the disc knight-ers were amazing you know. they're like the singapore team for something, i think. and it's a great honour to score at least 7 points for themselves. (: im proud of you, seniors!


soon, the camp ended. it was fun. tremendously fun. the bonding, the sharing, the laughing, and the mocking. hahaha. dont ask. (: i think the coming trainings would be even more fun, now that we've learnt each other better. but i wish the team has more girls than this. it might be more fun. (: three cheers to NYP Ultimate Frisbee team. hip hip, hurray! (x3)


and today? im all achy and immobile. haha. but it was all worthwhile, though. the fun is still in my head, replaying bits and pieces of it. and i like that replay. (:


he comes back from KL today, too. and im happy.
just one word?
i dont know.

but i know i really am happy.

woke up with my cheeks wet,
the tears slowly dripping down the smooth curves of my face.
never thought the moment before i opened my eyes
to see the daylight had been one hell of a dream,
the one that's so surreal,
so.. seemingly true.


although i was scared, and didnt want to believe the dream i had, i still had that sense of wanting to close my eyes again, picturing the exact same episode that caused my tears to roll down, just like when i woke up this morning. i could feel the pain, the hurt, the sorrow.. and the distance. i dont know what this dream is trying to tell or signal to me. maybe it's just another dream. another paranoid dream.

or is it?


it's painful to think of it, but the more i dont want to think of it, the more it all makes sense. i just wished i could turn back time and edit the dream before it was played when im asleep, like it was some movie im creating that has some secret internal message to be relayed to. horrible..


so, my day went pretty well. met nurul, shahina, hanz, luqman, haris and so many other people at the wedding just now. cool and nice to see them again. but i felt pretty awkward. hah, i dont know why. it's been too long, perhaps? yes, too long.


i shan't elaborate much on that. and i saw meisy too! at the yew tee makan carnival that i went right after attending the wedding at woodlands. it was pretty alright. though i couldn't be bothered. i kept wanting to go home because my work is not done! but i ended up reading my novel there anyways. hah. book-hooked. :)


oh, any meisy asked me if i wanted to take a picture but i declined her blantly. im sorry, meisy! i was just not in the mood to take any pictures. i was tired, and sorts. but it really was nice seeing you again! (:

..oh, saw eliza too. and, uhm.. another ex-unitian there. oh, and this group of guys. okay, forget it. i saw alot of people. c'mon, it's a carnival! ..pfft.


i wonder how youre doing. do you wonder about me, too?

`Bee.

i happen to get this questionnaire somewhere on friendster and i wanted to post it out for some time. but havent done so, but when i saw it on dee's blog, haha.. i think i wna do it, too! x) here goes..

and since i like the number 7, i shall make the 7th random thing be my favourite! (:

7 RANDOM FACTS ABOUT ME:
1. i really dont wear dresses (hah, im trying to)
2. i've always dreamed of going to paris.
3. i tried to be really really patient once, but failed. pfft.
4. i'm a bad cook. x(
5. i'll keep saying sorry whenever i'm at fault til that person gets mad! haha.
6. i long to touch the eiffle tower.
7. i love to reminisce about the past, and find myself crying/laughing.. :D

7 THINGS THAT SCARE ME:
1. yes, GOD. (i've yet to repent..)
2. hurting the people close to my heart.
3. losing my parents.
4. COCKROACHES. -peeves!
5. lonliness.
6. doing wrong things, and knowing that my mom will definately know.
7. swimming in a pool with designed floor (because if there's a black design patch on it, i'll just start to think that it's some huge octopus trying to swallow me down! and i'll quickly swim away from it.. hah!)

7 RANDOM MUSIC AT THE MOMENT:
1. photograph - nickelback
2. dangerously in love - beyonce knowles
3. ma me mo - that cartoon theme song. hah!
4. thank you for the venom - mcr!
5. falling for you - plain white Ts
6. man, i feel like a woman - shania twain
7. to the end - mcr! loves*

7 RANDOM THINGS I LIKE THE MOST:
1. my pink hairband
2. my novel - rivals by janet dailey
3. my dress (:
4. my bed.
5. my pc.
6. my cell phone
7. my hair! (:

7 RANDOM THINGS I SAY THE MOST:
1. ah?
2. oh, really?
3. haha
4. ya lah! kannasai~
5. ____ is so fucking cool la!
6. oh shit, sorry!
7. eh, free shower ar? heh heh.. (inside joke)


hah, that's about it i guess.

peace, lovers*
`Bee.

well, i admit that i've been procrastinating for sometime now. hey, c'mon.. i'm only human. with needs and desires that makes me one. (: but no, i havent been neglecting the work and the burden that ive been shoved with right up my ass and that i've been dilligently (i suppose) cracking my brain for it.


and i hate it, okay..



i miss "fun".


to think im still wagging my tail and updating the blog when my work is left undone. fine, cut me some slack man. ive been on this project/presentation/ica madness for days! i seriously need to breathe. which, comes to the point that i.. just.. came to, now.


can i say, "ive been a bookworm!" like, real loudly and madly? yes? no? oh, you dont care.


"IVE BEEN A BOOKWORM!" - real loudly and madly

((: thank you very good.


i honestly dont know what's with the novel-craze i currently picked up. it's crazy and it's really driving me nuts. i read at home, not during my free time. apparantly, i dont have enough of those.. i read on the road, in the mrt, and even walking to and fro school! this is serious madness. x) but i like. i like this "change".. it's stress relieving and it's exciting.

(: maybe now i know why lela loves writing so much. oh, i totally get it now. -winks.


He kept an arm around her, drawing her with him to again walk at his side. For a time, Flame studied the twin set of tracks before them, one large and one small, noticing how closely together they were and thinking how right it looked.. - Rivals, Janet Dailey.


i like the way Dailey writes. there's more to that paragraph i plucked out of the book. the way she writes gives me a satisfaction of how she described her characters, and the mood and sensation that she's bringing us into. it's awesome. (:

by the way, that's a really old book that im reading now. i kept it in my shelves for centuries and i thought it's only time i take them out to read. damn, i should've taken it out way before this. i loved it. and thanks to this book, my novel-reading plague has stricken me already.. and i borrowed three other books from the useless NYP library to stock up my shelves.. not knowing when i'll be able to finish them up.


hurhur. reading gives you greed as well, huh? but it's okay, i love this greed. it's healthy.. and knowledgable.


oh? and happy fathers' day to all the daddys in the world (:

(:
`Bee.

i feel so boo-ed.
)):
i think i've done something wrong.
like, really really hurting?
i dont knw, because im feeling the hurt now.
period.


so, yesterday was meant to be a meaningful day.
..so, i suppose.
but i dont think it was that meaningful.
argh, i really feel guilty/confused/pfft.
dont ask me why, i just got to let that out.
-pouts.


are you mad at me?


tmrw youre going off.
tkcr, dude.
have fun there.
peace*


met meyaa yesterday, like finally!
yesyes, i was with lela at the.. uhm.. "restaurant"
and we're just talking about meyaa.
hoho! gossip? naww..
lela was asking me when's the last time i saw meyaa
and i was there, trying to recall when it was when
meyaa just walked right through that door! (of the restaurant)
no, she didnt walked through the door,
she walked through the door!
okay, what ever.


but damn, i was so freaken shocked.
yesyes, surprised more like.
c'mon, i was TALKING ABOUT HER A MINUTE AGO!
wowh, cool man.
so, i screamed her name like a fan would, to their idol
and went up to hugggggg her!
owh mannnn. i missed her like so soo much.
((:


so we sat and talked, as she ate.
talked and talked and in the end, i ended up at her house.
hahaha. just cant resist not going her house, la.
yep, that's my girl!
we looked at pictures in her lappie,
made musical instruments out of yakult bottles?
hoho, and just chill out like before. (:
aww aww.. i wna do it again!
huggs* to both my girls; meyaa and lela!
L O V E .


so then headed on to school to do the project wrk.
was pretty bummed by then,
because i was tired, and lazy and yeahhs.
saw kakak and her group there.
oh, and i saw juremy the day before. lol.
and i also saw nadzirah (from wps) too!
wow, so many people.
okay, what's so impressive.
pfft.

down;
)):!


`Bee.

one week plus..
oh my gosh, that's long.
imagine that.
shucks, can i not?
pfft.


got to think what to do.
and fill up those bored/lonely moments.
raaaahhh`
tmrw's not going to be a fun day, no more.
)):!
it's going to be a sad day.


well, not during frisbee i hope.
boo.
everyone's going away!
and on monday's one-day camp?
i guess i'll be all alone.
with nobody by my side to play frisbee with me.
)):!


its so sad!
i dont want to think of it.
but i cant.
grr..
i bought something today.
and i thought it was crazy to do so.
dont ask me what is it.
i.. just.. dont.. feel.. like.. showing.. it.. to.. you.. anymore..
)):!


okay, i shall end my super emo 111th post.


)):!
`Bee.

pack pack packed!

pfft.
im so busy this whole two weeks.
trainings, projectwork, presentations
and whatnots, tell me about it.
and ive got like two solo presentations
and another two or three group ones
that is due in week 11 when term break's over.
booo. this is no fun.



i dont think they should even call this term break.
i rather it's normal schooling day where
everyone's in school and meeting ups are far
more easier than having holidays.
because people will be working,
busy and flying overseas.
and the time for group discussions are barely there.
it can get really irritating you know because
i've experience the dread of last minute work,
and it got me so fucking stressed that i dont ever
want to have that situation no more.



and here i am, trying to figure out what to do,
but no one is seemingly helping me out.
well as from what i can see,
no one has came up to me yet to ask me or to
even tell me when we should meet up for any
group discussions yet.
hah, let's see how far my group goes.
bzzzt.



just thinking about all the undone work is
enough to make me insane for the rest of the semester.
okay, maybe for the rest of this whole two weeks.
):
there's so much things to do, yet so little time.
argh, ugly irony.
stressed!



okay, 'nuff rantings already.
im going out at 1 later with ema to the clinic.
and get my bloody hep b immunity jab.
it's been so long since i dragged it and i must
get it by today, or else.. i wont have the time.
bzzzt.



see? so busy you know.
and wednesday, im going to have fun. (:
that is if ive confirmed that i am going la.
ohh, im so looking forward to it!
yay.. (:



okay, at least that's something i can look forward
to, instead of dreading each day of the break week.
rahh`
:D:D yay, im going to have fun! (:



happyhappy.
oh, and i've finally submitted the virgin league
application form for frisbee today.
phewws.
i hope kenneth still accepts it though.
not sure if nikki's joining.
but hope she does la, cause so poor thing
everyone joins except her.
so, nikki, if youre reading this,
please join okay! and hurry, today's the
last day, i think.
hoho.



poor ema, her dad's pretty pressurising.
i really want her to stay in frisbee.
hope she could do something to it.
ema, try ok!



love.
okay, i shall go now.
peace*



zonked*,
`Bee.

twohill-craze.. :O


omg, i just found this.
paul twohill's sort of "official site".
wtf?
okay, no comments.


go check it out. (:
click on here.
paultwohill.tk


messy.
`Bee.

and thanks to DEE, im doing this. hah!



3 names you go by:
ROOL!, huda [band], girl [family].

3 parts of your heritage:
javanese, malay, bugis. hmm..

3 of your everyday essentials:
handphone. hairband (though i never used it). watch.

3 things you are wearing now:
cookie munsta pyjama!. underwear. and erm.. nothing else? heh heh.

3 of your favourite bands or musical artistes at the moment:
mcr!. nickelback. jason mraz. (:

3 things you want in a relationship other than love:
understanding. loyalty. and.. lust! heheheh.

3 truths and 2 lies (in no particular order):
im a girl and im straight.
i hate sharul. =P
i love skirts. (hoho!)
i take 30mins to bath.

no offence, anyone. =D

3 physical things about the opposite sex that appeals to you:
lips, butts, body (:

3 of your favourite hobbies:
frisbee. chilling with my homies. meeting.. (:

3 things you badly want right now:
a bike license!, food and company! so lonely... pfft

3 places you wanna go on a vacation:
London. Australia
honeymoon? Paris. (:

3 things you wanna try doing:
smoking sheesha!, sneaking out of house at night! (my windows are wrought iron, damn) and of course, play for a frisbee competition!

3 people i would like to see to take this test:
lela, meyaa! and erm.. eeqa. (:


NOW! shoo.


`Bee.

okay so here's another template.
i dont think you guys got to catch
the previous one, before this.
except lela, (:
she loved the previous one.
but it's just giving me enough problems
to last a lifetime, man.
so i just had to change it.
sorry babe!


so, IT'S THE HOLIDAYS!
hip hip hurrayyy!!!! ...not
-shucks.
i just realised my WHOLE term break
is taken up la!
yes, by school work and frisbee and what not.
it's so crammed like sardines in a jar!
or, was it a can?


oh yea, it's cookies in a jar..


okay, whatever.
owh, monday blues.
i've got frisbee today and im so looking forward to it!
and i dont mind having frisbee everyday, though.
..my throws sucked anyways.
=okay okay, talking about self confidence.


i think i can become a certified doctor love. (:
or, yes, professor love.
should i be honoured? hoho.
i just feel so appreciated.
even though, yes, i need to crack my brain
a little and try to help my lovely friends,
i feel that they actually appreciate me.
and it's the most blessful thing to feel!


to know that your friends seek your views
and opinions just rock so much.
i dont know about you guys,
but i really feel so proud of myself. (:
and the price of it?
having your friends coming back to you,
and thank you for the help you gave.
though it's a little but it's a lot.
oh, beautiful irony~
:D


oh yes,
i forgot to mention that at ecp last saturday,
i bought a skirt.
hah! my mom was shocked too, la.
c'mon i dont wear skirt though im a 100% girl.
..okay, make that 95% girl.
(:
but, as ive said, mom was shocked.
she was reluctant to buy it, la.
because of two things:
1. expensive
2. i dont wear skirt. (okay, maybe mom needed #1, as an excuse to this)


but i got it nonetheless. (:
it's a boho skirt.
and it's three quarters, i think.
oh, it's blueee in colour!
okay, maybe i shall stop describing and
show a picture of it.
and you can get the idea how silly
i look in skirt.. okay, LONG skirt.



there.


sucky, right?
i know. so shut up.
pfft.


was supposed to meet lela today.
hah, planned only last night.
but she couldnt make it, but it's okay.
i havent bathed, anyways.
heh.
this thursday, it is, lela!
i soooooo badly wna chill with you babe.
*looking forward to thursday*
(ceh, "action words".. hoho)


hoho boho koko krunch.
im hungry.
and i smell of the bed.
?

okay, nevermind.


`Bee.

changed the skin again. (:
i think this is a lot better.
isn't it?
so abstract and straight forward.
unlike the previous one.
so irritating, man.
couldn't do anything to eliminate
the effects of the fonts.
raah`


so i decided to change. :D
and at least it's nicer now!
haha, peace*


how's your day?
my day has been sleepy and sleazy.
all lazy and bottom-heavy.
call me a freaken snake but it really was!
i woke up at 12pm, when the sun was
really scorching hot and shining majestically.
and i was screamed at right when it hit 12pm.

thanks, mom.


well i was supposed to go have my hep b jab.
but the clinic i went to, ran out of the vaccine.
i was pissed, la.
c'mon, ive dragged this dosage im supposed to take
for like so long already and and.. sigh-
so, i was pretty disappointed la.
but mom told me to go to a polyclinic on monday.
and im going alone, though.
any takers?


i dont want to go alone..


so, headed to jurong west for brunch.
hakeem and i were freaking hungry.
ate the usuals; chicken rice set.
-burps.


went home, and slept again!
imma pig, man.
tsk..


but i didnt straightaway sleep, of course!
i was reading a book and just couldn't take it anymore.
so i snuggled tight under the covers and dozed off.
zZzZz..


next thing i knew,
dad woke me up and told me to wash up.
we're going east coast for a mini picnic.
it was short, man.
thanks to the weather.
but it was fun (:


then we got home, and here i am blogging my wits out.

i think i shall go now.
tired.

peace*

`Bee.

im back! :)
from Missing in Action.
i miss blogging.
wheeee.


okay, new template.
but i hate the font effects.
it's very ugly and irritating.
blurrifies my words and gets it all
soo illegible.. whatever that means.
-boo.


i shall find a way to fix that.
but in the mean time,
let's recap!


school's been fine and the load
is getting heavier, definately.
i cant wait for term break, man.
waking up late and pay back the
long deserved sleep i lost!
ohh, and it's the soccer season now already!
:) the time is just so right.


bet the director of NYP is a freaken football fan.
=D heh heh..


i had training on wednesday.
and it kinda sucked.
my throws are aint as good as it was on monday.
and i'm not consistent!
this is bad, seriously.
i got pretty pissed last wednesday which
resulted all the many bad throws, too.
and poor ema, she joined the frisbee team
on the same day, only to receive bad teachings.
ahaha. sorry babe! :p


and somehow, i felt so damn fatigue.
but yet i still wanted to play the game
and train even more and harder.
frisbee is so addictive.. in a good way that is.
it's just so irresistable.
i dont know if that's the correct word.
-pfft.


oh, and i kinda peeled my left big toe?
shucks, keep getting my self injured after
every bloody training.
tsktsktsk..


and my thursday was good.
went to bugis/beach road after school
with kakak, shima and juremy.
it was tiring i tell you!
but hell, we walked a lot, i must say.
and juremy kept complaining.
tsk, who told you to bring your laptop?
itchy fingers.


of course, when there's juremy,
there's laughters.. at him, sadly.
ahaha. but he's still funny la.
his actions and all. omg.
remy remy~


then i met sharul later that evening.
i passed him something. (:
and im so glad he likes it!
wheeee.
really made my day to see him smile.
aww.. :D


so today, class start at 3pm for me.
and i met sharul again!
went to esplanade because we were braindead
as to where we should go and chill.
so, to the durian, we went! :)


it was drizzling like really mildly
and the whether rocked.
everything was going so well..
ohh ohh, i shan't elaborate more.
it's for me to know, and no one to find out!
wheeee~


im so happy to see you smile,
to see you enjoying yourself..
..i hope.


we took pictures and cam whored a little.
and and! sharul can make his hair like
that of wolverine's, yes! the x-men guy.
and he looks soooo.. ((:
hee.. yeap yeap yeap.
shushhh.. x)


so at 3pm, went back to school and got disturbed.
just because of one freaking water patch on my
t-shirt which was so coincidentially located
on my right breast!
-fumes.


juremy la! kuku neneh..
toot!
but it's alright.
it's the last day of the week,
and thank god it's friday.
and thank god for everything that happened today.
(: im just so happy~
wheee!

okay, it's almost 11pm now.
i should be getting ready to watch the
FIFA World Cup already!
germany vs costa rica (i think)
the opening match. (:
wheeeeee.

okok, toodles!,


he liked his hair! =D

`Bee.

how's the new template, baby?
rocking good, aye?
sorry for the lack of updates.


will update soon. (:
-peace.


`Bee.

[edit]

ohh ohh!
how can i forget to add this bit!
heh heh..


mummy got me a new MP3.
it's not some branded ones,
like creative, or sony, or anything.
but it's a homely brand.
but it's pretty.
small and cute.
and silverish.
woo, i loike! :)


she got it in a sale.
and initially she wanted to get me
an MP4 and the MP3 together.
but i told her it was not much of a use.
because if ive got the MP4,
then i dont need the MP3.
but you see, the reason she wants to
buy two of it for me, is because
she doesnt want me to bring the MP4
to school and "show it to my friends"
or so, she claims.


that's why she wanted to get the MP3
for me cause it's much "safer" as nobody
would wna "steal an MP3".
omg, my mother is so cute yet sooo
annoying sometimes.
but i still love her.
and i know she loves me too. (:


so in the end, she just got me the MP3
and not the MP4 because she wants to
"wait for the price to drop la~"


see?
that's my mother.


(:


`Bee.

[/edit]

it was great!!*

hanisah's birthday party rocks!
yes, partially because the MBs (well, almost)
got to reunite with one another,
like finally!
phewws. i miss them girls. (:


it was pretty pretty at first.
and it got pretty ugly.
soon later, it got ugly ugly
and some things cropped up.


was stressed like ever since the weekend
started on friday, and i was choking.
)'=
had a stressing day with the mother,
and my mind was twirling all around,
drained and paranoid.
i was hoping for things to brightened up
when i meet my girls, the MBs.
but somethings cropped up and
oh wells.. yada yada yada.


well i admit i was very silly and freaking
slow to realise my mistakes but i was just
being me la, the plain dumb toot.
sorry if ive been hurting you all these while.
but you still stuck by me, and remained
my dearest bestfriend.
i hope MY BLOODY mouth can switch
with someone else's.
maybe mariah carey's?


okok crap.
but im sorry k?
really am.
and dang, i dont wna start all over again.
cause it's all good now.
and thank god for it.
(: i love you bestie!


SO, the party was rocking.
met up with the rest, esp XT!
i really missed the working times we had.
beancurd-ing and stuffs.
oh man oh man.
but xt, you still looked good! :)


oh, can i name the people that's there?
okay, here goes!:
MBs! -> dee, susu, naq, yana, fyra,
asyraf, simseng, xt, nizam, shahril, bah, faizal
erms.. and a few other friends of hanisah.
haha. i know that's random.
so... yeah.


im in school now.
and its freezing cold.
i was talking about the computer lab.
because i adjusted the temperature to 10degrees
hahahaha. and now we're all freezing.
im too lazy to readjust la,
though i sit the nearest to the controller.
(: let me see how the whole room likes it.
heh heh..


met sharul just now! :D
two whole days of no news from him kinda suck.
he's busy, yes i know.
but but but.. okay, forget it.
so i was saying? i met him? yes.
and it was gooood. (:
i didnt had anything to say at first.
so i remained quiet like in the 'first half'.
no, i wasnt unhappy or anything,
but i dno.
prolly it's the feeling to excitedness
plus plus a lot of different emotions.
what is it called?
mixed feelings?
ah.. yes.


but the 'second half' was better la.
:) and i shall not elaborate.
it's for me, me, me and me only.


shit, i think i saw this girl from school and i think
she saw me too, well duh, she was directly in front of us.
geee.. i dno why, i feel so insecure.
hoho.


-snorts.


there's frisbee today and and and
nikki & carisa's not going.
-frowns.
i've got no company!
and it makes me feel like skipping, too.
but nono, i shall be good and not skip.
as for nikki, i understand her situation.
i mean, c'mon, her rash on her thighs
and hands are SPREADING!
omgomgomg.
it's pretty gross actually but so poorthing!
she needs to go to the doctor and i hope that
sebastian BRINGS her to the doctor's quick.
tsktsktsk..


and carisa gundoo wna study for socio ICA.
at AMK library. hahaha. funny lor.
but nevermind.
let them go. im the guai one!
i hope amy's going so i got company.
okay okay okay??


..okay..


blablabla.
im bored.
and ccc ooo lll ddd..
brr.. brr.. bzzt.. pfft.


`Bee.

victim of a broken love`

mother
why did you leave dad?
why did you have to make things difficult?
for me, you and dad?
i was young, and i knew nothing.
you were a lot younger, and probably..
..immature..

father
why you leave mom?
why did you have to make things difficult?
for me, you, and mom?
i was very young, and i knew nothing.
you were a lot younger, but i knew,
that you knew something..

tell me things cannot work out anymore.
tell me you guys weren't fated to stay.
tell me i was the unlucky victim,
of your broken love,
your broken chamber.

you blame each other when things go wrong.
you make me the subject of each other's anger.
you treat me like i dont feel any pressure.
and you think i'm taking it easy when
deep down inside i dont,
and i can't.

parents,
dont do this to me.
both of you have got your own families.
and you are free from each other's clutches.
but i'm not.
im what that makes us, once a family.
im what that bears and carries your blood.
im what that keeps you guys going.
im what that you called 'daughter'.

parents,
if you love me like you do before,
please stop all these nonsense.
i'm still young, and im still growing up.
i dont want to feel so tired of growing up.
i dont want to feel so sick of living.
i still want to move on in life.
and i want you to do the same.

help me get away from all these, god.
cause there's no one i seek in besides you.
only you can help me now.
no one can understand the feelings i feel.
you created this, god.
you made my fate go this way,
now you show me the light exiting this,
ugly, bad, and painful fate.
please..

`Bee.

it's friday!

and thank god HS1026 presentation is over!
you dont know how thankful i am, man.
no one knows! okay, maybe group 4.
..only.


it's hell i tell you, the prep and stuffs.
nothing was prepared and we were all rushing.
yes, rushing through slides and incomplete videos.
and, even at the last minute, (like, literally.. 2.59PM),
we were still saving the seriously-last-minute work
that we were supposed to present at 3PM!
ohmygod.


it was hell i tell you.
severe hell. >.<
especially, to be doing it alone.
pfft.


it sucks to be all so uptight in the middle of the night,
and no one is there to help you through.
it wasnt easy, man.
c'mon, my computer has been a bitch already.
and non of it was helping enough.
i was choked and brimming with both fury
and severe anxiety, totally.


time wasnt on my side as well, and i gave up.
i just shut down the pc and tried to sleep.
but damn, i couldnt sleep and i even woke
up before the alarm clock on my cellphone rang!
i was that nervous/anxious/worried okay.
brr..


but im glad it's over.
the projector was zonked and my video
cant be shown on the screen!
i panicked in that 5 minutes, and everyone
had to squeeze in front of the lappie and
watch the bloody 10-minutes-long video.
it was very disorganised and joelle was right,
we were too last minute-d and it was obvious.


boo.
but whatever it is, we're not going to fail.
because joelle trusts that we've got potential
and that we can do better provided we're less playful.
:) now, that's soothing.
seriously, it's a HUGE load off my back!
-phewws.


and guys, i guess now you know why ive been
so caught up and not been blogging, right.
it's my ICA, and and the many more presentations
that's coming soon aft the holidays.
hur hur.


oh btw, ICA is actually a presentation that
is accounted for in the semestrial exams we have.
so it's pretty a major thing that's definately
way more important that blogging daily! (:


i hope i can blog more often now.
since the 1026 ICA is over and done with.
yipees.


and anyways, i met sharul yesterday before
school that's starting at 10.
cause it's been nearing 2 weeks since the
last time i saw him. so yeah.
i had fun with him. (:
though a short while..

..can i have it again?


hahaha.


okay i shall blog sometime tmrw, if im not busy.
and to hanisah! HAPPY BIRTDAY girl.
may all your dreams and wishes come true!
hope to see you tmrw, and love you! <3!*


`Bee.