sometimes, life gives you the taste of reality that we feel we dont deserve because our fragile heart is just so feeble that at times, you just feel so broken readily. yes, im writing this to self-console. and i hope it works. -prays.


im trying to take things optimistically, now. (: and it's nothing that ive done before, so far. because i'll always drown myself in melancholy everytime something/someone hurts me but now, i need to learn to be strong. i need to face up to truth and accept facts. well, at least i need to build up a strong front first. and to do so, i need to change my mentality. motivate me, people!


hahaha.. it's not so hard, afterall. or probably, it hasn't hit me yet. two days of crying hasn't been fun of course. im being open now because i need to let this out, risking privacy or not. i dont care, anymore. i just want to be strong. im trying very hard now. and im preparing myself to face the music, that's not so nice to hear, i forsee.


but it's okay. (: nurool is a strong girl. yeps, i am. you people agree, right?? hahaha. "communicating with audience is the most important factor during presentation.." okay, this is what projects and bullshits are making me into, a geek. eeks! so, back to the point. i guess now, it's time i take my mind off those bloody shits that has happened these days, and relax a little. it's so hard to concentrate especially you've got one huge pile of work in front of you. because all you're thinking of is your stupid stupid sad story. pathetic, i am. pfft.


well, i would have wished this thing is told to me after my presentations are all over. so that, ive got more time to consume and digest the work and task that is right smack on my face, now. but it's okay. everything's happened and done. i'll just wait for the answer. meanwhile, i'd back out.


peace*




so, yesterday, grandmama massaged me! oompf, the feeling is really good. but i was hell screaming my lungs out, partially naked on her bed, when she touched my skin. it was deliriously painful. and i could admit to that, i was pretty high for a moment, though. ahaha.


it certainly felt good, like really really good. because i was all stressed and tensed up. all the crying and thinking made me so fatigue and tired. so the "spa" was marvellous. i wished grandmama can do it again. -pouts. well, she said if i really want to have a complete session, it'll be three times for a hundred bucks. and i was telling her, "hey! im your granddaughter, give me a discount, man!" ahaha, grandmama rocks. (: i love you!


my uncle had a cut on his index finger. shrieks! and he went for an operation the other day, because according to the doctor, the major artery and vein on his finger was cut and caused the blood to flow non-stop, as if gushing out. and the doctor cant even freeze the finger to stop the blood, it was redundant. so it had to be sliced or cut, or something i dont know. but i know it was pretty gross..


okay okay, i know im a nurse. but c'mon, im not trained to see sliced fingers or gushing blood since young, man. cut me some slack! i still shiver at the sight of gushed blood and swollen foot with pus all around it. it's disgusting. but i've got to overcome it, i know. oooh, ewks.


i dont know if there's group discussion today. i need a group discussion. we have to complete that bloody 1027 ICA because i cant take it anymore. i need a break, man. like, seriously! i honestly cannot go on doing it anymore. my mind is too filled and im brimming with too many thoughts.


so, i shall call the group mates now and MAKE them come down! hohoho.




`Bee.