i've been marked by lela to do this, and according to her, it'll be really wonderful.. the feeling that is. but well, i'll see how it makes me feel.

INSTRUCTIONS: Write ten statements, intended to different people - things you've always wanted to tell them. never tell which one is to whom.

1. heyy. i guess we havent been spending much time together have we? we're each caught up with our own work and world and the mugging fantasy. your mye are coming and my ICAs are neverending. but i really am sorry if you think i havent been there for you all these while like i should. i've been caught up with a lot of things, and i dont know if the 'too much things' that im caught up with has made it sound as an excuse to you. i wont be surprised if you think that way, though. because i dont know how else i should explain the workload that's burdening me right now. but i think the most important thing right now that i want to tell you would be that youve been a great friend. yes, it's so cliche and common, but i really want to tell you that youve been such a good friend, even though we may seem to disagree, to fight and to bicker with each other, but having you as my bestfriend can replace nothing else in this world. and i hope to make it stay that way. i dont ever want to lose you and in fact, i love you. in all aspects, of course. and i still want to be the girl, your bestfriend that you run to all these while..
   
   
   
   
2. hello there. i dont know which i hate more; your wife, or my mother. it suck to realise how distant we are from each other and to not being able to do anything about it. i hate it when you always have to bring your family along whenever we meet each other. what is life without them for once? just once when youre out with me. ive been greatly deprived of paternal love and i just hate it when i have to go through the 'rituals' with the other people before i get to spend my time with you. i miss you. and i want you. ): it's so sad to know that youre there for me, but inwardly i just cant bring myself out to you. i cant pour the things that ive kept in me for so long because there's so many differences between us. you want me to be a simple girl, with enough morale and religious knowledge to save up for doom's day, at the expense of all life's great offers.. but is that what i really want? i know i cant please two sides of my ying and yang. but pleasing just these two sides alone has taken away the time to please my own self. i know i shouldnt be selfish. but i have to.. at times, and sometimes, i just feel like letting go everything.. :(
   
   
   
   
3. and you, stop accusing me can or not? argh. i hate it to the core. you keep thinking that im using 'doing presentations' as an excuse to use the computer or go out. but what the hell, youre wrong. im doing this for my bloody group as a bloody important thing okay. youre nobody to stop and tell me what to do and what not to. i hate it. i fucking hate it and you must know. come on, youre the closest kin that i have. the one that should understand me more than anyone else. and i dont think youre even working on it. despite how much i admired you to be such a strong woman of knowledge and power, i think dad's right. sometimes, you need to humble down and stop taking charge of everything. i know youre like that, i know youre strong in your character. but you need to kneel down at things out of your reach. i love you, i really do. but i dont and i cant show it because of your arrogance that i sometimes find it hard to take in. it's painful, you know! painful!
   
   
   
   
4. eh woman, where have you been uh? you've been MIA since the start of the two week term break and the projects have been neglected like nobody's business. you said you had some netball competition thing. okay, i gave way. but this week, you said you'll be done with it. but it's already wednesday and i see/hear nothing of you! where's your responsibility? if i dont work on this project, the whole group will just collapse and the ICA, we'll just fail it with a good hard "F" right smack in your face.. and in the rest of the others, too. dont you think you can run away from this, girl. im still tolerating as much as i can and im still holding on and stretching my limits. when this fucking ICA is over, you'll see what you get. and i dont give a damn anymore. if this ICA is not up to my satisfaction, you'll get it. you'll bloody get it from me. im warning you. because youre not only affecting the group's grade, but youre affecting my bloody grade as well and you better not dare to let me have a fucking fail grade and im seriously warning you right now. period.
   
   
   
   
5. hey! where do i start? okay, i miss you. like a lot a lot. ive been wanting to see you again, and go out with you again! since sec 2 when we parted, i only met you like, thrice? okay, maybe plus minus some other times we've met but gee, i seriously missed you. pretty sad that you went out with them but not me. like, you didnt plan anything to go out with me. hey, im your friend too right? if you missed me, you should have sms-ed me or something! heyyy... i wna see you again. i really had my fun times with you back in our schooling days. all the crappings, bitchings and lameness, it was all fun. still etched in my memory vividly. i wont ever forget the good and super fun moments we had. it was tremendously fantastic. (: i really hope we'll meet each other again. and this time, hopefully i wont cry! hee, i'll try k? and hey, be more loving lahh.. that time i hugged you, you like dont want like that. haha, its you i know. and thank god it really was you when we hugged. ((:
   
   
   
   
6. oi! gundoo. haha, you know i'm referring to you lah. yes, it's you, bitch. oh my, poly life has been fun with you around. for starters, i thought i'd never be stuck with anyone i can rely on in poly and it kinda sucked actually. but when i found out that we're in the same bloody tutorial group? oh, hell.. i know it was going to be rocking fun. and it still is right? even though you pangseh me for fb camp that time, nevermindd.. i'll make sure you wont dare to pangseh me again. hah, and make you remember it right shoved up your ass. :D anyways, i know we weren't close at all during sec2. but hell, we did have the best memories in 2e1, aye? haha. and even in poly life, im glad im making good memories that's to be reminisced when we graduate come year 3, with you. (: seriously? i love you lah, bitch. ahaha. next time dont be too nice on people okay? and learn to love people more! especially me! hahaha. asshole. see you when school reopens! free shower ah? heh heh.. *winks*
   
   
   
   
7. ola, there. even though i knew what you said, was going to come in time, i still tried to remain the same for you. but the night when you told me everything that you had to say, it just shattered me la. im telling this honestly from my heart. first, i didnt think that you'd actually think about this as far-fetched as you did. i mean, hey, i didnt think of being with anyone too.. at least not yet. but it surprised me the most when you just came back and blurrted those words to me, like as if it was a speech award that im receiving. only that it's a not-so-happy news. secondly, i didnt know what made you say that to me. is it because of my reactions? or was it because of people's questions? or something that i said to make you think and really ponder hard on this? wow, i swear i dont know at all. and i wish to know if you'd let me. i admit, i like you a lot a lot. like veeerrrrryyyyyy much. but i really havent thought of the idea to be with you, yet. i tried to tell myself again and again that it's okay, maybe youre just playing safe to prevent more hurt and to remind me of where i stand. but i guess it's not so natural of me to treat like nothing's wrong especially when this thing has impacted me quite hard. and i trully, sincerely apologise for acting all awkward and sorts in front of you just now when we met. i didnt mean to do it. i was busy, trying to make myself feel better. probably too busy that i dont realise my actions are not how it was supposed to be. but i will be like before, i can be like that.. just give me time. i really swear i dont want to lose you. after all that we've been through. i really really dont want to lose you. ):
   
   
   
   
8. i guess when it comes to you, the first thing i have to say is, "thank you". (: for being there for me, for always listening to my rants and for being my good buddy, without realising it! haha, i dont think you'll even be reading this but i just want to let you know that i truly care for you. i know that's what a nurse should do but let me stress this okay, i care for you. as a buddy and as a good friend. crapping and laughing hard was those days i wish to relive again when it comes to you. hahaha, they rock, dont they? but time has passed and we've got our own lives to live now. hoho! and tell me more about that new chick youre aiming okay? and stop thinking about your past already. it's not going to help. and about your health, i really hope there's something that can be done to it. im worried, lor. pfft. okayla. so long and tkcr bro.~ peace*
   
   
   
   
9. heyy.. i really wonder where have you been you know. ever since o levels ended, ive never seen or even heard of you anymore. wow, MIA aye? i heard youve got a new girlfriend, and that youre rounder now. hahaha. im sorry, but that's what my friends said when they saw you. i want to see you, man! it's been so long. and i want to see how rounder you are, now. hoho. but i guess i have to say this afterall, you are one fine guy with big dreams. (: i see you going far. and i really hope your dreams come true. i'll be glad to see you being successful! and you have to treat me lunch after that, okay? haha. i dont think you'll ever see this message but it's okay.. thank you for good memories. (:
   
   
   
   
10. finally, it's your turn! haha. yes, you! yoU yOU YOU! i.. uh, i dont know what to say already. im still thinking if, meeting you is the best thing that has happened in my life or not. hah, prolly we're not cousins for nothing. and im glad your uncle married my mom. (: because with you, ive developed soo many memories. wonderful wonderful ones. thank you cousin! yeaps, now school and your house is like so goddamned near. but still, you rarely have the time to come down to my school and see me! hmpf. useless you, neneh.. haha but it's okay. i really want to have another sleepover at your place! the last i had was like yeeeeaaarrrrssss ago. pri 3? wow. so NONG ago hor?! oi, girl. youve been the best cousin for me la, asshole you. ive seen you grown and youve seen me sleep in all the different positions no one saw. hahaha, and we've bathed together too! got scolded together. eat together, shit la. everything also together. school, cca. then i had to leave. im so sorry! oh, i still remembered i lied to you about me having lung cancer? hahaha. you cried man! aww.. sorry cousin. just wanted to check if you still loved me, lah. see? now i know you do. heh heh. and now that youve got a boyfriend, i think sparing me some time would be even more difficult, aye? but no worries, i'll wait til youre free-er and we'll chill okay? TAKE CARE COUSIN. i love you always. forever. and til eternity. mwacksmwacks!! *huggs.

there. ive done it. (: yeps, i felt good. thanks, lela.

`Bee.