love is blind, and so am i

hello once again. im sorry i cant post the pictures i promised for the ndp preview that i went with my lovely little brother because im still in school rushing through my assignment that's barely fifty percent done. i know it's bad but i swear i cannot help it. hee, sorry.

anyways, CONGRATS CARISA BITCHO for passing your clinical retest just now. i know it was scary for you because i can see you carotid pulse thumping so hard as you take my pulse. omg carisa, you are really so lost when you're nervous man. you got to really take control! if later one day you so nervous til your boobs drop also you'll never know. hahaha congrats again, though c(=

i got a call from one of my dearest just before i typed this whole chunk out. she asked me something that still makes me thought about even though it's been awhile since we put down the phone and hung up. it keeps me wondering why things have to go this way when i never meant anything like this to ever happen.

im not sure if * is blaming itself for what has happened but even if * does, i have no say. i mean, it was partially or maybe almost * fault for what had happened. i know some things can never be predicted but the hurt and pain i feel is so surreal that it's haunting me every now and then.

all these while i try to put up a fake front, telling myself it's okay, what has happened has already happened and we should learn to forgive and forget. i have forgiven, long time ago i have. im sure of that. but i guess what one of my girlfriend said was true:

"youre just hurt and haunted by the pain that was inflicted on you, not by the memories that's haunting you"

which is very true. time and time again i keep telling myself that ive gone through this before and that it's all okay to be going through this again. but damn, im no fucking toy that can be toyed and played with.

i feel so fucking retarded. and i need george michael's "amazing". damnit carisa, he's not gay! pfft.

anyways, we saw kenneth just now and we told him that we wont be coming for frisbee training until our exams are over. which is pretty sad la because i dont get to run and am guilty shit about it. fooks.

OHH ohh, i had a bad dream yesterday. it was pretty stupid when the crocodile suddenly changed into a lion but damn it was scary. and now i miss my cousin. :( she's armless. oh nina! i miss you! if youre reading this, i really miss you. miss the times that i used to share a lot of my secrets with you even though you're so much younger than me. but it's okay, i hope i'll see you again and i really miss you, my twinnie-look-alike-cousin! mwacks! ♥


okay so i guess i shall carry on with my assignment now! ka ching is going to come up anytime now. so i better rush before she rush me! hehehe.


and to end it, here's a very very old picture of me. it was in 2004 on dee's birthday! ooh, i miss my bestie too. MWACKS DEE!




hurt, time and time again,
`Bee

okay ive been tagged to do this by carisa. so here goes!


INSTRUCTIONS:1. Do the following without complaining.
2. Choose 5 people to do this after you've completed yours.
3. Leave a tag on the person's tagboard to say that he/she has been tagged.


FAVOURITES:
color: purple is sweet. red is LOVE!
food: chicken rice & spicy spicy fried kuay teow. (:
song: from band hawthorne heights, a7x, mcr! and currently, george michael's amazing! oh oh oh.. and electrico's i want you! yay! ((:
movie: freaky friday? haha. but for now, it's pirates! yay.
sport: frisbee, soccer, swimming! whee.
day of the week: friday of course, it's the weekends!
season: ooh ohh SUMMER! imma beach girl (:
ice-cream: aww, the classic paddle pop rainbow ice cream! oomphf*


CURRENT:
mood: perky but worried =taste: tao kae noi hot and spicy seaweed!
clothes: giordano (world without strangers) tshirt and fbt shorts!
desktop: a plain blue screen? (im in school damnit) but at home? the picture at the top of my profile in this blog! (:
time: 1.27PM
surroundings: computers? ..and carisa on the left. haha.
annoyance: carisa practising her ng-tube feeding shit. HAHAH!
thoughts: when the fuck am i going to complete my ICA assignment? and where to go after this. hmm..


FIRSTS:
best friend: felicia from beng wan primary school! omg, i wonder where she is and what she's doing now. i miss her!
crush: hahaha! i dont wna write this cause he'll read this? but yeah, it's you farhan. wahaha. bluek!
movie: beauty and the beast. (:
lie: "its not me! it's anna" when i pee-d outside of the house. HAHA!
music: micheal jackson's "dangerous"! OMG, i really loved him so so much. wooo! :p


LASTS:
cigarette: erm.. in february? when i was working. yeah, it was my last. i swear. =X
drink: coke! macdonald's! (:
ride: train ride from home to school. heh heh.
crush: oh, haha this guy from school. it was a puny crush la. but i dont know. it still tingles to see him arnd in school! oooh. :p
movie: PIRATES! ooh, johnny is LOVE! :D:D
phone call: hideya. HAHA, she didnt realise i was across her just now. heh heh.


HAVE YOU EVER:
dated one of your best friends: well, he's not exactly a bestfriend but he was a friend of my close close buddy!
been arrested: no. im cleannn.. :))
skinny-dipped: NO!! i wna try.. carisa let's go! hahaha.
been on tv: haha, no. but in magazines yea? it's some stupid RC magazine, la. crap, im with the minister of sports and wellness! hahaha. :)
kissed someone you don't know: no? but someone i didnt been in a relationship with, yeah. = bzzt.

THINGS:
4 things you did today: attended 1028 lecture, saw kenneth, ate macdonalds and saw mr cutie! hahah yea yea yea. :D
4 sounds you can hear right now: typing sounds from the keyboards of the pcs, carisa's humming to her music from her headphones and my mobile vibrating. freak. haha

The chosen Five to do this!
1. dee!
2. susu!
3. nuyul!
4. fyra!
5. valencia! hahaha. (carisa's idea) :P



THANKS BITCH FOR MAKING ME DO THIS. NOW I WNA PEE. bye!

`Bee.

hello there, the angel from my nightmare.

im feeling very guilty already. i havent run in ages! which also means, i havent been going for frisbee religiously. and this suck, because i have a passion for it but im not doing anything. im feeling bloody guilty.

tsk.

but anyways, there's frisbee tmrw and i hope im going. okay i cant do this, i WILL go. please.. dont let anything come into my way. thanks. (ceh. hahaha..)

SO, it was ndp preview yesterday and hah, thanks to nikki, brother and i had tremendous fun! whoopee. thanks babe, for the tickets. it was hakeem's first time and mine too, after sooooo long. wow, the atmosphere sure do rock! big time, yaw! :)

of course, there's pictures everywhere. but that'll come up in the next entry. heh, as for now, lets' talk a lil bit about yesterday! im still feeling the patrotism (?) for singapore! haha, we are singapore.. we are singapore.. we will stand together, hear the lion roar.. oooh, and its so cool to be at the stadium, especially when it is going to be the last time national day will be held at the Kallang Stadium. wow, this is madness. (:

in the afternoon, being kiasu singaporeans (hey, we are singaporeans, right?) nikki, nic, brother and i reached kallang at two. well, to be early for good seats of course! we got snacks and drinks and headed on to the stadium in the charted buses. free rides, cool. (x

we finally reached and had to wait for three o'clock before being allowed to enter the stadium. so yeah, hakeem ate ice-cream and walked around here and there before finally settling in. when we did, i tell you the HEAT IS SO INTENSE THAT I COULD FEEL MYSELF MELTING. okay, that's besides the point. what matters most is my brother. he was sweating like a pig and what's worst, our umbrella is with nikki. aw dangs? (oh speaking of which, it still is with her.. hahaha)..

so i took out my ancient nyonyah fan and tried to shade brother from the mercilessly scorching sun. it was so poor thing because there were so many umbrellas but we couldnt be shaded, nevertheless. hahaha, but most of the time, hakeem and i were eating and munching and yummy.. self-entertaining. like taking pictures and sorts.. (:

soon the parade started and we were greeted with ELECTRICO! ohmygoodness. i tell you, hearing them live is sooo much different than on the radio. well, i never really paid attention to electrico at first but hell, now i really do! i love their single, "I Want You". ooh, they really take me awayyyy~ (x

and soon, the parade started. oh, and there's this IRRITATING girl (which i'll post her picture in the next entry) that is really annoying. yes, a bugger for real! she is soooo spoilt and i felt like a complete idiot sitting next to her. she brought her accounts book to study on an ndp preview and when there is a bee she SCREAMED SO LOUD and tried to hit it with her book but it hit ME right on my thigh like that, "slaappp!". irgh, i tell you she'll be the death of me.

she came with her granny but she went all the way up, four levels up and sat alone. ugh, NEXT TO ME! why was i the unlucky one?? damn. she just kept rambling and rambling to herself and the aunty next to her who could bloody entertain her crap. shrieks!

but whatever, she is one rude girl too man. she practically SHOUTED at her granny when her granny is not that deaf yet, man. maybe shout is too mild. she YELLED SO HARD! how's that? because amidst the crackling sound of the fireworks, people at the other end of our bench could hear her yell. now, what do you call that?

anyways, the WHOLE parade was satisfying. AND there's the SINGAPORE IDOL PEOPLE! ooh, wheeee. fir, i saw RAHIMAH! and she suck. BLUEK! hahaha.. i saw twohill and joakim! ohmygoodness. i was, AWED! they are soo.. cutee. (minus twohill's hair) i cant see his face, so i dont really know if he's cute or not. haha but oh, they were sooo close. okay, not this close but DAMN IT LAH, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!

*droools.

okay, back to reality. ive got TWO BLOODY ICAs TO BE COMPLETED BY TODAY. and i have yet to start on it. spare me some distraction please, im off.

oh, twohill is madness.
and joakim is LOVE! (:

`Bee-d. ;)

it's three pm and im havent done anything productive yet. honestly, i really want to start on my appreciation of the arts ICA essays but i'm just too hungry and i cant be stuffed more so get out of my seat. i am soooo piglazyy! tsk.. this is bad.


i cant believe that im still procrastinating even when the exams are nearing, roaring in my face and even when i can smell their stinky breath. but worst thing? im not doing anything about it. this is so so bad.

HAHA, i can still blog about this AND STILL not do anything! shucks, okay fine. im guilty enough already. SPARE ME SOME FOOD! -.-" bzzt.


well as you can see, people. im bored dead. already this morning i was woken up viciously to the sound of the text message ringing tone from my mobile with an incoming text from TRINA. okay, she dont text me pointlessly so obviously she wanted something from me.


so i was groggily reading the text and got stunned when she said, "i need to see you at 11am urgently". yeah, note that "urgently" word she had it there. so i was thinking to myself, "what now?" did i do something bad? did she find out that her socks got stuck in her water bottle or something and she thought it was me? so i couldnt sleep, thanks to my high level of anxiety. ohh, whatever..


so i called her but couldnt get her. in the end, it was actually about my attendance percentage. okay, at this point i dare to say that i AM at a very dangerous level and that my attendance is at stake. and that means i am at risk of debarment from exams. argh, and it's all bella's module. wth, bella.


are you taking it out on me because i passed my pratical and did my ng-tube feeding so well that you didnt have to prompt me at all? come on!


i have never skipped any of your tutorials! how can you mark me absent? you're mean! and your lectures.. god, i didnt think i have NOT gone for you lectures for more than twice? how come there's THREE ABSENT lectures not including late-coming? omg bella. if youre not answerable to that, im going to swear that you suck for life, lah.


MY ATTENDACE IS AT RISK! ALERT! ALERT! PLEASE FASTEN YOUR SEATBELTS!


so much for mraz's song for you, bell. DUMBbell. pfft.


so i shall try to look for her and settle this unfinished business on monday. but as for today, i shall GO AHEAD with my supposedly planned routine to do my ICA (x 2) essays. hopefully i can finish it by today and that there wont be any unfinished business between me and wee ee dzu, then.


bzzzt.



im hungry. starbucks, anyone?



nah, maggi then.
`Bee.

yay, my comp is virus-free! voila! and i would like to publicly thank danny & today for their help. thank you so much guys! thanks danny for clearing the spywares and shit. and thanks today for clearing the virus and installing the anti-virus thinggy majiggy. thank you! (:


OH AND ONCE AGAIN, ive got no school! yipeee. *clicks heel* its pretty relaxed now, my timetable. and im so happy. well, it's meant to be revision week where you study and sorts. but hahaha, am i studying? no! im watching moviee!!


okay, that's yesterday. yeaps! i watched the famous PIRATES OF THE CARRIBEAN, the dead man's chest. oh the show is soooo neat i tell you. it's soooo cool, so nice and funny! jack sparrow, or rather johnny depp is SO CUTE. he's one irresponsible (well almost) and one self-centred captain. ahahaha but i enjoyed it to the max.


THANKS NURFAIZ! (: yep, for the treat. hee*


"where's the thump thump?"
ohh, jack is love. (:


anyways, followed yy to town yesterday. and i got treated to coffee! yayness. it's heaven i tell you. ice blended mocha from starbucks is HEAVEN. i want want want it somemore! can we go town again yy? hahaha. i'll be happy to follow! x)


THANKS YONG-YAO! ((= yeahh, for the treat too. WHEE*


wow, seems like im so pampered yesterday. owh, people love me. what do you expect? hahaha, but not all, though. that's of course, right? okay shut up bitch.


i saw you yesterday. walking walking like nobody's business, looking so normal but yet so carefree. i could see it in your eyes, you dont care anymore. so i wont. (:


im free!
ive got all the liberty i need and want. (:



goodbye, sweetlove.
`Bee!!!! (:

my week has been rather eventful, i must say. heck, it was one busy week. sad to say, i hadnt had the time to blog, so it explains why my entries are not there, ahahaha. duh, nurool.


for the past week, life's sort of hectic for me. presentations, assignments, datelines.. okay nothing's new but they're THERE, on my schedule. so i cant run away. im glad that most of the presentations are over now. except that 1028 one that's due in wk16. please tell me that the group does not go wrong this time.



okay, so i passed my clinical. (: YEAH MAN! it rocks la. the feeling is just so soo relieving? gosh, i was really frightened by the number of failed students last week and this week. especially by that Mdm Norain, or whatever her name is. THANK GOD, i didnt get her. i got Bella! and lucky enough, i passed.
maybe not so lucky. THANK MY TALKATIVE MOUTH! (:


everything went fine except my TPR questioning. and carisa! she's so nervous (for me, i guess) that her heartbeat was so fast and thumping so loudly. whoa, it made MY heartbeat doubled up, man. in the second TPR attempt, Bella told her to close her eyes, hahaha. luckily she cooled down a little. wheeee! thanks carisa for being my specimen. hehe.


and thank you guys, all of you who gave me support and believed that i could pass. (: hee.. thanks everyone. LOVE! x)


so, simah and mai passed too. thank goodness. well, they're ENs anyways, it shouldnt be much of a problem to them but good thing they passed. (: MAI is so funny! hahaha. she likes to imitate Ambel, our lecturer and the way Ambel speaks and gestures. hahaha, she's just so cute lah, MAI. wheeeee.


happy happy us went to far east for dinner! yay. feasted quite a lot. haha. butter prawns, fried wantons, our own ala carte. wow, nice. chat and chat and laughed. i feel so comfortable. (: after dinner, we walked around and alas, i head home.


there were THREE events that make me realise how Singapore is as a nation. and how it's citizens is not so courteous or even HELPFUL at all. this is so sad, man. i mean, HEY, hello? OVER HERE? when there's a man in need, where's the help? gosh..


well, #1: i was in the train and it was packed. c'mon, orchard road.. what do you expect? and there was no available seats, which means to say, alot of us were standing. so yeah, i stood. listened to my mp3 and stoned. when we reached toa payoh, i got a seat. and i think there's this guy who boarded the train. i didnt really see him but until woodlands, then i noticed him. (by then, the train is pretty much cleared out already)..
he was standing, or.. leaning on the side, more like. and i started to notice him when he was actually sliding down the glass he was leaning on. and it was like, he tried to stand but his knees were too weak or smth, and he kept leaning forward as if he's going to fall anytime. yes, i was as blur as you are right now. but then i looked closer.. he was actually sleeping. okay, that's not the point. my point is, he is tired! and he was practically slumped to the glass, trying to catch some sleep.


thing is, there are seats but he dont know it. he just cant open his eyes anymore and he was too god damn tired to look around. i knew that all he need was sleep. and NO ONE went up to him to at least ask him if he's okay or in pain because he really seemed to be bending forward, as if going to fall forward anytime. i mean, you know when someone sleeps, for example when they sit down, their head tend to fall to the side or smth right? yeah, it's the same for him. but now since he's standing, he's BODY is practically falling off the glass.


and he looked sooooo pitiful but NO ONE bloody give a damn. they just WALK PAST HIM and there's this one totally ignorant singaporean, she just dashed across him to GRAB THE SEAT at the corners. omg, i am soooooo astounded! okay, im not trying to say that others wont help so they're irresponsible when im not. it's just that, im afraid. im really scared. but at the same time, i really pitied him, you know? i ALMOST went up to him and tap his shoulder but im just afraid if he'll grab me by my boobs or smth. HAHA, but hey.. he was really THAT pitiful. :(


BUT NO ONE HELPED.


#2: so when i reached my stop, it was congested at the escalator area. so i had to wait while all the other people get their hop on it and ride their way down. while waiting, I SAW THIS BLOODY OLD UNCLE (another disgraceful singaporean) SPIT AT THE PLATFORM. he didnt go like, "haaakkk (collects plaghm) and POOI! (spits)" he did it SO SLOWLY somemore. like, "haaaakkk... -aim at the corner- and spits.." whoa, IM AM SO DISGUSTED. fuck, doesnt he know that it's a bloody MRT PLATFORM? argh.. THEM PEOPLE. i am sooooo.... utterly disgusted. fuck.


#3: SO, when i reached THE BOTTOM at the ticket concourse level, there's this group of kids around their late teens, showing attitude faces at one corner. some of them were at the lift, some were squatting next to the control station. one was preached by the MRT Officer and she practically showed a fucked-up face. okay, she mustve done something so wrong that an officer could have spotted her. and she should have you know, even if she doesnt wna acknowledge or admit, she shouldnt be showing such an attitude face and DISGRACE YOUR RACE. damn it. people were looking and i, ME, MYSELF.. i felt so shameful. omg.... WHAT'S WITH THE WORLD?


i hate this man. people are becoming more and more outrageous. ARGH. this is so bad. where's the conscience? where's the courteousy? fuck it all man. fuck.


i swear if i see any of these uncourteous people in my ward at the hospital, i'll make them suffer. GIVE THEM HELL.


piss*
`Bee

shrieks!


and im bored. i want to go out! i want to go outttttt!!
but there's no one who wants, or is able to, accompany me!
yikes!
i cant stand this boredom.


SERIOUSLY.


everyone has got their own stuffs to do.
whereas me?
im sitting here at home, not knowing WHAT to do!
this is bad.
i seriously need to go out.
yeah, go out!
catch a movie, chill out, whatever.
i just need to go out!
arghh.


ANYONE FREE OUT THERE?
i cannot stand sitting at home, man.
i swear.
ive been so used to be out the whole day,
this is so foreign to me!


laskd aspoiu3209r aslkdj asoyir 3089r ywad j


damnit.
i need out.



somebodySAVEme!!


`BEE!!

ive been on photography mode so so much nowadays. and it's a phase where all my pictures turned out to be something that conveys a message. well, in my case, probably only i see the message because im the subject of the picture, anyways. but yeah, im not emo man. haha, totally not emo. my messages, they can be: lust, hatred, agony, broken, hidden desires.. yeap, deep deep matters.


and yes, they are all found on my friendster pictures (: take a peek if you must! here!


my week has been terribly busy. and next week, i guess worst. tests, practical skills.. okay, whatever you call it but danggs, they're coming! I CAN SEE THEM! *RUN!!!


and i havent been training. for frisbee that is. and it's for TWO WEEKS ALREADY. damn.. all my fats in my stomach, thighs, arms and ass. damn, not that ive been making them smaller. but im adding more fats to it. oh shit shuck shooks! pfft.


caught the movie "just my luck" with meyaa on friday and it was awesome! well, not the show actually. it's more of the meyaa-rool therapy (: i missed my girl, dude. and being with her sometimes makes me like i dont want to go home and keep on staying with her. awww.. i miss her already.


we talked, and yes.. i was zombified. im tired la. sorry meyaa if i seem so clumsy and foolish. hahaha. especially my melatah! omg... i think its getting worst. meyaa kept scoffing me everytime i melatah. and i didnt realise it was that alot until i realised meyaa kept SHH-ing me SO MANY TIMES til i got irritated myself.


hoho. all your fault la JUREMY! tsk.


three more months.
and then it's been a year.
the feeling rocks,
because im strong. (:


i know im not exactly updating now but, yeahhs.. just to keep this blog filled, though.


and i guess i got to go now ):
i really dont want to go..
i want to keep blogging..


okay shut up. PEACE*


`Bee. (:


[psst!] i took pictures of paul twohill and joakim (well, i was standing next to them) at cineleisure! hahaha, and yeahhs, theyre fakes but who cares. i love it. (: they rockk.. [/psst!]

my apologies for not updating.
lately, ive been pretty tied up and out.
projects, presentations, whatnots.
oh hell, this is killing me.
random tests week after week.
lectures back to back,
thanks alot man.
im dying.



so i'll come back with more updates yea?
love you all.
and love yourself okay.



missyou,
`Bee

here are some updates of my VERY BUSY WEEK. (:



the week has been hectic and there's so much things to do in, sometimes, one day itself. ive been a busy depressed bumble bee now and it's so not helping to be feeling down. ive got more and more datelines to meet, due dates nearing my freaken face. eeeks, this is gory..


many apologies to those that have been anticipating my updates. HAHA, which i so doubt it. but anyways, i wish i could update everyday, too. but i just cant be stuffed with this blog for the moment given such a busy schedule up ahead.


let me see, ive got to finish up on my HS 1027 and HS 1028 presentations by next week, and imagine doing them without meeting up with your group mates (for the HS 1027), i tell you, i'm doing it all by myself AGAIN. this is sick, seriously. i need to talk to them and trash things out. doesnt mean i still smile and laugh at you, you can go all over my head, stepping it like im not realising anything. youre wrong, so very wrong.


oh my, there's biosci practical test tmrw and it's helluva freaky. yes, its freaking me out big time, dude. like TTHHHHIIIISSSSS big -stretches out hand.. and hit the face..- oh wells, haiz. i shant even type that 'action word' out. memories, memories.. okay, sorry ter-skidded off track alittle. anyways, i was saying, there's so much to study in such a little time! i dont know if it's me, but all the things that are happening around me are gory.. eeks!


thursday, tmrw.. daddy's friend will be coming to take a look at this, "ancient pc". -again, quoted by lela- to check if there's anything wrong or how he can help upgrade this pc or even make it sick-free. i sense that this pc is going to burst anytime soon. oh, trust my guts.. you better.


friday? there'll be a theatre that juremy and kakak have been bugging me to go. it's in the evening, so i have to wear formal. because that's the dress code? it's some drama theatre thing. i dont know what it exactly is, though. but it's somewhere along that line, lah. i hope it'll turn out fine WITHOUT laughing at juremy's silly melatahs and end up melatah-ing myself. -.-" -fumes.


saturday? FYRA's birthday party! yeay. well, that's in the evening. in the morning, til late afternoon, USSBAND called me back to perform for the dragon boat festival thinggy majiggys.. whee, im honoured shit man. this rocks, im appreciated. (: yippee. hope mom doesnt ruin my plan. AND HAPPY ADVANCED BIRTHDAY FYRA!


sunday.. hmm, ive got no plans in mind yet. i dont know? rest day? IT HAS BEEN A HECTIC WEEK! i still want to go to a park and play frisbee! like how we always used to want to do it argh! i should really stop thinking about all these. i need to mug! oH shiT, i just realised. IVE GOT MORE TESTS COME WEEK 14.


damn it.


clinical theory test. then skills test (practical). and THAT is madness. GET IT? im going crazy!


and clinical postings are out. im going to CHANGI GENERAL HOSPITAL for my attachment.
tell me it's a good thing?
shit la, though i've got kakak and siti to accompany me,
i still feel that it's not so good after all.
I DONT KNOW.


god bless me.



AND TODAY'S LELA'S BIRTHDAY!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY GIRL!
i tried calling you like a million times.
where the hell were you?
shit you. haha, thought wna ask you "out".
but nevermind, some other time okay! love.



and today's also the german's defeat against italy.
feck, they suck la.
argh.
SIGH.
NOW THERE'S FRANCE ONLY.
please make it, france. for the sake of my lost brasillians.
))):



it's been coming 10 days since i saw you..
..i wished it wouldnt continue.. ):



wrecked,
`Bee.