love is blind, and so am i

hello once again. im sorry i cant post the pictures i promised for the ndp preview that i went with my lovely little brother because im still in school rushing through my assignment that's barely fifty percent done. i know it's bad but i swear i cannot help it. hee, sorry.

anyways, CONGRATS CARISA BITCHO for passing your clinical retest just now. i know it was scary for you because i can see you carotid pulse thumping so hard as you take my pulse. omg carisa, you are really so lost when you're nervous man. you got to really take control! if later one day you so nervous til your boobs drop also you'll never know. hahaha congrats again, though c(=

i got a call from one of my dearest just before i typed this whole chunk out. she asked me something that still makes me thought about even though it's been awhile since we put down the phone and hung up. it keeps me wondering why things have to go this way when i never meant anything like this to ever happen.

im not sure if * is blaming itself for what has happened but even if * does, i have no say. i mean, it was partially or maybe almost * fault for what had happened. i know some things can never be predicted but the hurt and pain i feel is so surreal that it's haunting me every now and then.

all these while i try to put up a fake front, telling myself it's okay, what has happened has already happened and we should learn to forgive and forget. i have forgiven, long time ago i have. im sure of that. but i guess what one of my girlfriend said was true:

"youre just hurt and haunted by the pain that was inflicted on you, not by the memories that's haunting you"

which is very true. time and time again i keep telling myself that ive gone through this before and that it's all okay to be going through this again. but damn, im no fucking toy that can be toyed and played with.

i feel so fucking retarded. and i need george michael's "amazing". damnit carisa, he's not gay! pfft.

anyways, we saw kenneth just now and we told him that we wont be coming for frisbee training until our exams are over. which is pretty sad la because i dont get to run and am guilty shit about it. fooks.

OHH ohh, i had a bad dream yesterday. it was pretty stupid when the crocodile suddenly changed into a lion but damn it was scary. and now i miss my cousin. :( she's armless. oh nina! i miss you! if youre reading this, i really miss you. miss the times that i used to share a lot of my secrets with you even though you're so much younger than me. but it's okay, i hope i'll see you again and i really miss you, my twinnie-look-alike-cousin! mwacks! ♥


okay so i guess i shall carry on with my assignment now! ka ching is going to come up anytime now. so i better rush before she rush me! hehehe.


and to end it, here's a very very old picture of me. it was in 2004 on dee's birthday! ooh, i miss my bestie too. MWACKS DEE!




hurt, time and time again,
`Bee