SHEEP THAT GOES 'OOL' KILL KIDS THAT GO SHEE SHEE

hahaha, inside joke. anyways, YONG-YAO IS BACK! hah, that explains all the sheepish crap im having. and damn, he owes me a huge huge heeuuggeee coffee of my love. (:

mocchaa frappp! im waiting, dude. hahaha.

so yeahs, as ive said, he's back from aussie. the place that i want to go so bad. he went to perth, and my dad went to perth before. they both said it was wonderful. oh yay.

but dad got me a whole box of soft toys, t-shirts, tissue box covers and a whole lot more from aussie for my erm.. 9th birthday? haha. it was A LOT. and he mailed the whole box to my house at Bishan, when i was still staying there.

dad's so cute. but this time, yy got me chocolate bars. i think? i dont know but he said he brought back two chocolate bars and lots and lots of FUDGE. wow, heaven knows how fat i'll be if i get to grab them fudge. woo!

nurool says:
youre the sheeshing sheep that goes OOL OOL
yy says:
ure nuts rool
yy says:
ure the ooling sheep that goes shee shee..
nurool says:
ooling? WTF. do you think it's some kind of theraphy?
yy says:
no, its a kinda sheep, the ooling sheep.

yy texted me "aku dah balek!" as soon as he reached Sg, i think. haha, and it was hillarious lah. for a min there i thought i saved another person's number under his name or something. lol.

okay so enough with sheep jokes and chocolates and fudge already. im salivating man. pfft.

so i woke up quite early today. around 1110 hrs. i wanted to get back to sleep man, when mom called. i didnt want to answer because i just didnt want to answer. hah, but i did still so yeah. and she told me to bath and send my brother's file to his daycare centre by 1145 because he'll be leaving for school already.

and i was PISSED man. big time! i mean, she knows i hate to be rushed and woken up just to send some stupid file he left. and she told me to do this and that and blah, i just stop her from my being so damn bloody irritated, and hung up.

goodness, and now i cant sleep again and im feeling lethargic. good for me ive got yy for company or else i'll be pissed the whole day. pfft.

i think im having pre-menstrual-syndrome. and also mild postural hypotension. haha, nursing terms. only nurses like lela, carisa (who I THINK reads my blog) will understand. haha, the former is basically PMS and the latter is just a term to describe low blood pressure when..

... in different posture/position? yeah, something like that. hehh

why am i talking about all these again? i dont know. oh yeah, i saw an old man cycling round the car park with a basket on the front and another, at the back. for once i thought he was selling something..

but, at the carpark? gee..

`Bee.

im starting to miss school a whole lot. i cant stand the emptiness at home, already. it's like the silence and the lonliness is killing me. with everyone else being busy and buzzed on their own things, im totally feeling every inch of boredom sinking into my skin and pores.

ugh, im feeling lonelyyyy.
take me out, somebody.
movies, or even the beach?
yeah, just to watch sunset.

gee, i sit by everyday doing nothing, waiting for time to pass hoping night will fall so then the house will be filled with SOME people. i miss the wacky and noisy rush of school. i need to get busy, dude!

seriously, my life spells L-O-N-E-L-Y now you know. lonely in almost every aspect. i feel deprived and sad. hah, blame it on Hady for being so busy with the whole showbiz thing he's going through. HAHA! okay, im dreaming again.

hah, tell me who's not when im so bored at home? Hady's rendition of 'Through the Fire' was on repeat mode on my playlist since i dont know when. it's just like.. okay, i dont want to start on my dreamy moods again. im feeling abit of emo now. haha, or rather these few days.

i feel like my friends, they're there for me. but somehow, they're not exactly there you know? like delta goodrem and brian mcfadden's "Almost Here". the words to it explains alot, lah. okay, but im being practical. they've got other friends too and their own lives to be busy with. im not their only friend, anyways.

HMM.. let's see. im pretty excited for Hari Raya that's coming. okay, maybe excited is not the word but im really looking forward to it. and i dont know why. despite the fact that not many of my cliques can go out for a real Hari Raya outing due to their exams and stuff, i just felt like i want to be close to Syawal (the month of Hari Raya Aidilfitri).

i think it's because i want to be near with my grandma again. i had a bad dream about her man. i dreamt that she left us. (though in the later part of the dream, she came back) but it was scary. and i swear im not ready to lose her anytime. i miss grandma.

i miss my biological dad, too. i really miss him alot. and i miss a few other people too. i guess they dont know but im always praying for them to be in a state of good health and happiness. sigh, i miss them so much that i wish they know.

=(

okay, i guess i'll end this pretty emo entry now. i dont want to break my fast by crying, now. ahahaha.

`Bee.

im sorry if i cant help missing you.

people...

PRESENTING, YOUR SINGAPORE IDOL!!!

HADY MIRZA!

hah!! ask me if i'm happy, man! ASK ME!! gee man, im estatic! and madly and crazily happy man. gosh, and don't ask me how many times i vote. my goodness, he deserved all the vote that he has man!

oh, and Singapore Idol didn't show the number of votings he got last night, but dont worry guys, hady swooped 70% out of the one million votes that came pouring in last night. ohmygod, that's even better than TAUFIK! hell, 70% man. hah, so much for the sms-es that went round saying Jon's leading with a 52% while Hady fell short 48%.

gee, i think all those sms-es made Hady's fan go sms-crazy! seems like that sms, too, made Jon's fan slow down on their votes because they thought Jon already had the lead. but NO! they're SO SO WRONG! oh hell yea, the new Singapore Idol now is HADY MIRZA, everybody. HADY MY MAN!

with his ever smooth voice that's as smooth and tasty like ghee in thosai, he had definately won my heart and the hearts of many. yes, he won our heart so well that he definately got our sacrifises to spend our money on him, instead of the money for RAYA prep! hahaha.

but it's okay man, he deserves to be wherever he is now. he definitely has the potential. he definitely IS the Singapore Idol. hah, racism aside, now Singapore has truly know what we, Hady supporters, would do just to see our Idol soar. (:

im proud of you, Hady Mirza! ♥♥

his rendition of "You Gave Me Wings" was sung by the Idol himself as if he already owned the song. and i totally agree when Dick said that, "you gave the whole indoor stadium wings.." no, Dick, you forgot the whole Nation! (:

and when Hady sang "Freedom" i tell you his performance was as if it was his concert he's performing! i was ultimately swooned man. and not forgetting that Dick's dreams came true, too! ooh, Dick! no, ooh HADY!!

finally, when he sung "Through the Fire" i was already on Cloud 9! i tell you, his voice was seeping through my veins and making me float on my seat, man! i was totally captivated and swept off my feet!

his showmanship during that song was totally professional and gee, there's nothing else i could say to prove how excellent he was! i am so damn happy that he is finally crowned the Singapore Idol.

good job, Hady!

and not forgetting, im sure it is also due to the bless of the most gracious month of Ramadhan that he got all the support and faith he had to win the title. Alhamdulillah.

you know, minutes before Gurmit Singh crown our new Idol, i was in my room telling myself, "i cannot do this, i cannot look at that screen, i cannot listen to Gurmit Singh.." because i so thought that Jon's going to win the title.

but i told myself yet again, "have faith, nurool. have faith. you voted so many already! go see..!!" hahaha. so seconds before Gurmit finally announced the winner, i sat at the sofa, covering my ears so hard and fidgeting in my seat so bad, only to hear...

HADY MIRZA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i was SO BLOODY SHOCKED AND HAPPY that i screamed out of my seat literally and cried tears of joy, man! mom was screaming like a mad woman who just won 4D or something, and i was down there, on the sofa crying like a baby! and DAD, he straight away open his palms and prayed to Allah and thank Him for the triumph.

i then went into my room and sujud Syukur to Allah, too. i am so happy and estatic. there's nothing so wonderful like this before, for me, in such a long time!

Congrats, Hady my man. you are now, our official Singapore Idol! We Love You.

♥♥
`Bee.

happy Eid Mubarak to all muslims(:

oh hello, there. finally a time for updates from yours truly. yes yes, i know i havent been updating but apologies from me to you, i have been rather lazy. hey! dont blame me lah, im being honest enough already. hehh.

so how you've been? ive been pretty tired. okay maybe its the fasting month but im not complaining. im here to update! so here.

but before i begin (or rather, lose my mood for blogging, hehh), let me start off with a rip-off that i got from one of the Cleo magazine not anywhere this year.

(well it was pretty boring in Polyclinic, i told you!) yes, so boring that i got the time to read magazines. CLEO somemore! hahah. (:

well basically, the title was grief. and i thought it was quite interesting. they talk about break-ups especially and i thought it might be relevant to some of you.

So how do you make the pain stop? Truth is, you can't. Well, not for a while anyway. "People are born with the ability to bounce back," says Hall. "So you just have to believe you will eventually feel better." The first step is accepting that he/she's not coming back. "You can't live your life waiting for a knock at the door," says Hall.

well, it is true isn't it? i guess what Hall meant was to move on. now guys, i know it hurts but gee, life has to go on. im not kidding, no one is. and i totally understand why some people (maybe not you) react differently to a certain situation.. now, read on.

"When we're overcome with despair, we tend to function differently," says Annie Cantwell Bartl, a psychologist specialising in grief and trauma. "We lose our appetites, we get tired and sick and we lose all motivation. It's easy to wallow in self-pity, but you need to get back into your normal routine." The best way to kick-start things is to surround yourself with people who care for you. Don't feel pressure to be the life of the party, just start off slowly. The heartache may stay with you for a long time but you'll work it out.

see, guys? break ups dont necessarily be a painful and sad thing you know. it can be controlled and maintained given the right attitude. of course, there are no right or wrong ways to grieve, but the best way is to turn your grief into a positive one. at least people around you won't feel so sad seeing you sad.

so, cheer up people! okay? i know you guys can do it. it is inevitable that we will be disastrous but gee, i've been through it too. i know how shitty and painful it can get. but i hope you guys will chin up and be strong like i am! (:

okay, maybe another picture to perk up the mood! whee. so how's your fasting going, for the muslims? mine's been okay. but today i've been rather lethargic and tired. i wanted to sleep as soon as i got back from work just now but i decided to blog first, lah for you all, lah.

hoho. nurool doing some good deeds for the most gracious month of Ramadhan (the fasting month) here. so bear with me okay!

(and also if you notice, i'll try to keep my entries with as decent pictures as possible! HAHAHA)

okay, joke. but yeah i wont post such a traumatizing picture up okay. just to keep your fast lasting til sunset(:

anyways, FINALLY MY ATTACHMENTS IN POLYCLINIC IS OVER! oh yeah, that spells out f-r-e-e-d-o-m for me! whoopee! (:

oh by the way, speaking of freedom , how was Hady last night? HAH, i'd say he beat Jon hands down man. seriously, Hady had much better vocals (though he might come abit too excited and over-confident at his first song) but gee, nothing beats Hady's melodious and most versatile and charismatic personality!

ohmygod, I SWEAR IF HADY IS NOT THE SINGAPORE IDOL, it's very obvious that Singapore doesn't want to have another Malay holding the title. Come On lah. this is the second and final season of SI already. obviously they would want Jon to win.

ah, all these politics are sooo overrated. i hate how Singapore system works man. pfft. but it's okay. to all Hady supporters, fans and family, we all DO know who truly IS the Singapore Idol already. and if Jon wins tonight, i swear i will never ever be proud of him.

and that's that. FACE IT MAN! and i wont say sorry to Jon's fans though i know some of my friends are. *winks at Siti. you know me, right? (:

SO, when i was in the Dressing Room just now, there's this AN/EN who commented about Hady. she said something like, "..yeah, furthermore Hady's got the looks and charisma on top of his powerful vocals. you see ah.. if Hady go NS and cut 'botak' ah.. he'll still look cute you know. IF JON AH! walau. you see his face 'botak' not handsome already ah! not like Hady you know!.." hahahaha. cute nurses we have in CCK Polyclinic.

anyways, im sorry for the pretty lengthy post here. but there's so much things to say, talk about. hahaha and i know im tired and too lazy at times. but sorry lah, some other time i shall update okay? hehe (:

HADY is my man!
♥, Bee.

i love myself(:

oh gee guys, check this out!! i saw it in the MBs blog. oh yay, (anyways, sorry ah abit too long then i check up on the blog. heh.)

OCT BABY (Rool)
Loves to chat. Loves those who love them. Loves to takes things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Brave and fearless. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care to control emotions. Unpredictable. Extremely smart, but definitely the hottest AND sexiest of them all.

ahaha. SO DAMN TRUE RIGHT? oh gee, i tell you every single bit of it is true. YES YES YES. i AM easily hurt but i recover easily too. i LOVE to lie but i dont pretend. oh yay, i love that MB (she didnt leave her name!) for putting that up. OH WHEE (:

oh wait, one announcement! its from ginny my girl! hee..

"could u help me spread the word ard. i'm selling a BOSS OB-3 pedal for $129, usual price 149. the price is slightly negotiable. it comes with instruction manual box and 2 mths warranty."

so yeaps, anyone interested COME FIND ME! (:

____________________________

whoa, a day of announcements? haha. fret not. im here to blog! im here to blog! oh yay. so, HEY HO! what's up, people?

polyclinics attachment is.. (squeezes ego deep down the ass) not so bad AH. i thought it would be dead boring but gee, thanks to company like HIDEYAH (with the "h" please) my polyclinic experience never gets better. (: THANKS BABE. oh and yeah, i know im hawtt! hoho.

SO, polyclinic eh. what can i say. oh yes i can say something! it's all about OBSERVATIONS. even simple things like taking height and weight are being observed. oh gee. you can know how stuffed i am. yes! stuffed with boredom! geeee.

but it's okay you know. three days down, two more to go. (which doesnt include friday) pfft. so i guess the torment's exiting soon but gee, that means i'll be separating with the bitch, HIDEYAH (with the "h" again, please..) and tomorrow is my last day with her! oh gawd, we better appreciate tomorrow, bitch!

..& spot that sucked in ass police or maybe ask for his ass' signature, too! oh gosh, the experience is so fun lah, actually. with a SN like Sharon, i think it's pretty worth it. OH! and a Clinical Coordinator like Ms Ng Thai Lee also quite not bad! hahaha.

okay i really wna say alot of things now but im tired and i need to study for sociology. SHUT UP! dont ask abt my results. i didnt do badly. but i fucked fail sociology so yeah. I NEED TO STUDY FRIDAY EXAM ALREADY LAH!

ok bye.
`Bee. (sorry no picher (picture) today. BOO)

rainy rainy days..

i lie awake at night,
thinking about what life made me be
but all could just come to say;
that you were not the one for me.
how could i imagine
for having to love so long,
and a dream i dreamt too much..
so, should i stay, or should you go?











well, HELLO. a rainy week i must say.. all the splatter and pitter and patter on my window panes have made me.. ..hungry. oh hell yea, i am.

its been a cosy week too. with all the rain and chill, i just feel like i dont want to get up from my bed. (well, im fasting anyways) all i wanted to do was to snuggle under the covers tight, and hope that the rain will never go away.

ohh, i love rainy days. (:

mom said we shall go get my havaians trekking sandals today! ..and she better go get it today. so, as i was saying.. dont you think it's about time i go SHOPPING? goodness. like meyaa said, "nurool.. you need to many things.." hahaha. well, its kindar true actually.

hey, dont you need so many things, too? everyone does!

so my plan for today is go get them sandals now, today, yeah yeah and rush back home for my break fast. hohoho.. why rush? well, i dont think mommy wants to eat out since shes alrdy cooked, aye?

but then again, anything may happen, uhh? woo hoo.

you know, im feeling all mixed up lately. yes, believe it or not i think i kindar have a spilt personality. okay i guess, everyone has split personality. but i dont know, i seem to be losing touch with myself. probably because im too bored at home or something.

but then again, i dont think so.

and again, i still feel so..

so.. HOW?



dont ask me, ask OCBC.

hoho,
`Bee.

the most painful thing is...

HELLO, everybody. it's 2.19pm and i havent bathed done anything productive yet.

hah hah hah, dejavu?

well yeah, the reason why my time is supposed to be productive now is because i freaken failed one of my modules. BOO.

yeah, you guessed it right. it's sociology. the module i NEVER seem to pass. damnit. isnt it pure unlucky? other people who hate that module as much as i do still could get a D. me? a straight F. tak kasi muke seh..

hah! but im not complaining. (yeah, right..) there's a remedial come this monday and the sub-paper is on friday on the same bloody week. and i dont get it.

yes, i dont get it! i dont understand why Nanyang Polytechnic has to cramp every single activity they have for us all in ONE BLOODY PERIOD OF TIME. and no spaces! pfft. well first it was the massive project invasion for us then a few weeks time, it was the exams. right after the exams (four days to be exact) was MY attachment and now, when the attachments are not even over,

..it's the bloody SUB-PAPERS. where is the break man? WHERE'S THE VACATION IN THIS? shit. this is bull crap.

so i know it's my fault for failing Socio-fuck-logy but gee, at least sort the timetable, well HELLO? i've got the bloody polyclinic attachments next week and now youre telling me to go back to school to resit the bloody paper? DAMN (- the macdonald guy style) i hate this.

but i guess it's not so bad because i wont have to go back to CCK POLYCLINIC for my attachments. wait, i guess not! i HAVE to go no matter what. even if i dont go for a monday and friday, i have to pay back those damn days that i didnt go someother time, right? argh fuck. then my fasting month will be intruded. ARGH, i hate this whole bullshit.

pfft! so much for fasting today.. all of my 100% have been deducted to them swear words ive spouted thanks to NYP. hah!

SO, im sorry for all that rantings up there. i was totally in the mood for blogging, actually but i just HAD to let it all out right up there.

ANYWAYS, LOOK! nurool's on a skateboard! hahaha. hey, i can actually skate okay. short distances i guess. and thanks carisa for the not-so-bad photography. hahaha. that was in toys r us last monday when we went out. cooool (:

omg, it's so dark outside. no, not outside outside.. i mean outside, inside. well, my living room lah. goshes, its pouring over here now and i havent turn on any light outside. so it's like pitch dark over there? wooo..

i dont have plans for today. do you? i dont know what im supposed to do. YIKES! ..oops, sorry. it was the thunder. now its getting creepy. all the more i SHOULDNT have plans for today except snoozing around at home.

ive been going out on alternate days this whole week. and speaking of going out, MY MEYAA'S BACK FROM VIETNAM! oh, wheeeee. i missed that sister of mine like HELL LOADS? i wonder if she does, but heck she doesnt look homesick at all! pfft.

and on the way home in the car (eh, mercedes you know! haha) it was ME who did the most talking, as if it was ME who just got back to singapore. hah. but naw, i was just filling up the silence in the car or else it would be too quiet and i dont like silence.. no no.. never.

and i guess meyaa was too tired to talk, too. hahaha. i think? oh yea, i was fasting somemore! and i was the most talkative ones when the rest was soo restless and tired (for no reason) haha. :)

so when meyaa was back we helped her unpack (more like we help ourselves looking for the new things she bought over there) and she got me a t-shirt (which nana and qah got too) a wallet with a pair of matching earrings. aww.. cute. (though the earrings one long one short! Haha)..

when all's done. we went out and headed down to town! we went to plaza singapura for spotlight and then headed to carl's jr for THEIR dinner. i was fasting, rmb? so yeahs, i didnt really bother lah so i just watched them eat whilst on the phone. haha. :P

so anyways, as soon as they had their dinner done, it was almost 6pm and i had to go home because I WANT TO WATCH SINGAPORE IDOL! yay. so yeah, i did and goodylicious.. there werent any food at home except yesterday's fried rice. but it's okay.. i ate the same thing i did to break fast the day before for today's break fast.

understooded? hoho.

you knw what? HADY TOTALLY MELTED ME. and dad called me crazy hah! i dont care if you call me insane or nuts or stupid, i dont need YOUR COMMENTS! talk to my mole, dad. pfft.

so yeahs, vote for him ok? it's 1900 112 1901 or sms 1 to 43657.

♥
BEE!

the bliss of working(:

yeps, and i missed it already. all the travelling, the on-the-way actions with them girls (on the picture, left to this words) i just cant seem to get enough of it. boo.

of course, i miss the Ward setting. the patients (not all) and the people all around me. gee.. ive been through pretty numerous sums of shits to be exact, but its okay, i learn from mistakes.

and i learn when to trust people, and when to totally not to. human are like masks. behind them masks are characters that may be unimaginable at times. we, just have to beware, and be careful.

because human may turn nasty, and i have seen them, alright. -peeves.

so how's my one week break going, you asked? well, it's the second day today, (and unfortunately a grounded one) but my first day (yesterday) was of course well spent! (: a day out with carisa gundoo. goshes, i missed her like shittrucks? yeah, you got it.

of course there're pictures (but these pictures imma post are those that i cop-ed from carisa's blog. hahaha. im too lazy to edit you see) and feast your eyes on them, you shall!

fun with my CHOWCHOW(:

THE CRAZY PICTURES WE TOOK AT TOPSHOP!

hah, we sure had tonns of FUN!

then it was TOYS 'R' US TIME!

we were KIDS, hell yeah. AWWESSUMMEE..

oh, then the shiokey dinner. (oh, i was fasting btw.. heh) THEM SUMPTOUS FOOD! (sorreh, i dont really know how to spell that S- word? hoho.)

THEN it was HYATT HOTEL with BLOATED STOMACHS. HAH! we kindar were looking for toilets? and gosh, that's how we ended up at Grand Hyatt Hotel. GEE, i feel so paiseh lah! CARISA LAH! walao.. but it was cool.

we got up to the Oasis thing and gosh, IT WAS HEAVEN. we took pictures and all. and notice that we're both on the phone? hah. i was talking with hanif my brudder! while carisa was on with her boyfiee! heh heh. PFFT.

the day was of course, well spent i must say. we did a lot of catching ups and of course, all the laughters. hahahaha. i cant forget the time when we were at Metro Paragon. GOSH! there's this person, he/she laughed as if he was lost or smth.. like, "haha hah hah hah.." goodness! and we girls burst out laughing.. HAH.

i cant cant wait for school to reopen. (: i miss sch alrdy! all the jokes and laughters. oh, i miss school. yes i miss school. I MISS MEYAA TOO! i wna see see see her again.

and hug hug and kiss kiss her. WOO WHEEEE.

many a times ive been asked (by random people) about my being single. well you know, things like what i plan to do and stuffs? when's the next one and all? haha, honestly, im pretty surprised that i could stay single this long man.

next month would mean one year im single alrdy. and that is awwesumme. and in this whole year, ive met lots of new people, lots of open ups. but can i say? ..i really dont know why but being attached is not smth im looking forward to right now.

yes, i admit at times i might feel lonely that im single. but gee, i'd give up everything to be like this again man if ever im in a bad shaped relationship. all in all, im not ready yet. hah, you can come be my friend! wheeee. i'd love them but gosh, please dont ask me about boyfriends already lah you all.

alamak. nothing better to do ah? ahaha. okay i was just kidding. but that doesnt mean im not you Love Professor already ah. i still am nurool, the sexy nurse Love Professor of yours (:

tag replies!
lelaa: I MISS YOU MANYMORE! CHIPSMORE! please do meet up with meh~ plan smth lah. you gundoo. MWACKS.
anonymous: woo, it's not a dress actually. it's a friend's skirt i borrowed which DOUBLED UP as a dress for me! AHHA. thanks, btw. (:
BISKOOT: hey! i will. heeee. lol and i AM da SEXAYE NURSE. woo. lol kidding. see ya arnd! (:
rul: oei, sorreh lah. i dno what to blog also. heh..
yAnniEee: hahah. GUE MESTILAH JEMBU BEBS. kalau tk mcm mane nk jadi sexy nurse, ni? HAHA. kidding. yeps, i'll link you up! love. (:
yatts: HOHO. thanks cousin. i MISS YOU ALRDY TOO! pfft. seeeee you arnd soon AND YOUR BAND IS STILL WITH ME. hahaha. :P
EEQA: hahaha. sedap kau kene kan aku balek. NAH DAH UPDATE PON! pfft. heheh.
eRyY: MY MELATAHS! mampos. i dont melatah ok. and dont tell ppl lah! alamak youuuu.. haha yeps, i missed you too. catch you soon! (:

to all, thanks for tagging/reading. KEEP DOING IT! heh. peace*

LOVE,
`Bee.

im strong, and i will forever be strong. i'm letting loose, im letting go. but my friend, i'll never ever forget you in all these years.. of pure _____. goodbye~

this is the second week of attachment in CGH and i feel sad. partly because i feel heavy hearted to leave CGH come this friday, and also because i kindar dont like the polycl(inic) setting?

this is sad. :( i'll miss CGH, Ward 44, the staff nurses, the ENs (like Alma), working with my friends and all. im feeling sore, already.

but i guess good things come to an end and we must accept it. sadly bad things last forever. pfft.

anyways, work today was fine. i wasn't really busy like i was a few days back. but admission and discharge was so abrupt that it will just hit you all at once that you feel like pressing the alarm button somewhere and stop everything to take a deeep breath.

admissions, one after another. back to back and i couldnt take it. it's seriously tidious to do admission, you see. and all that work (not that im complaining but you knw.. im letting out) is just killing you.

just like how people bombard you with questions all at once after a major presentation or smth. yea, THAT kind. and especially if youve got an irritating patient that doesn't comply to you in the midst of your buzz-stricken moment.. (..and keep complaining of headache). things like these can just grab you by your nerves.

i dont know why im feeling pretty emo today. hah. okay, maybe now. as in THIS MINUTE, now. i feel like there's something i need to do but not yet done. and it's really disturbing because it's like, I DONT KNW WHAT IM SUPPOSED TO DO TO MAKE ME FEEL SATISFIED? it's like a knotted hanky reminder thinggy but yeahhs.. you get the drift.

anyways, coffee with foo yong-yao (fyy) today was marvellous. (: it really perked me up after a day's of hard work.. well, not really hard, though. we talked and just talk about things that came to our minds and it was so fun (:

thanks fyy for the coffee (and the ride back to cck first, then to yew tee.. AND GOT CHARGED FOR OVERSTAY) hah. im terribly sorry. next time i send you back home lah ok. yy and i were sharing jokes and some stuffs regarding school. it feels cool to be laughing and loosening your choked neck at the end of the day with MOCHA FRAP LOVE.

(though ttsh's so much better)

oh, and yes. speaking of starbucks, the person who served me when i ordered my love asked me if i would be willing to work there! hah, it's really flattering you knw.

she: hi, can i have your order please?
me: sure. can i have a mocha frappucino.
she: okay, do you want to add chocolate to make it more chocolatey?
me: uhm, no. it's okay.
she: whip cream?
me: yes, please.
she: small or big?
me: venti, please (:
she: okay, coming right up.
me: hmm.. (:

she: hey, you knw you have a great smile and personality! if you wna work here, i'll definately hire you. youve got the thing that we need here. do come here okay! and fill up the...
me: ..ahahaha. uhh, okie.. thanks. *blush*

god, i felt so flattered! *shy* heh heh. you dont get that everyday, you knw (: and thank god for my charms! hah. pfft.

i miss ____. yeah, alot. i miss dad, too. i miss ____, ____ & ____ too. i miss everyone!


..and i hope it'll go away soon. (cause i dont think i can last any longer.)

`Bee.

im starting to love nursing more and more. honestly, i find that its the only way i can feel for others. the less fortunate ones, and of course the least abled ones. i did have regrets taking nursing at first, but i realised nursing is not all about shit and the fucks you get in the ward, but it's the patient's heart and care you got to master.

and that's not easy i tell you. ..sometimes, it's even scary and freaky. yet patience testing. throughout the six days ive been in the ward now, ive encountered all sorts of patients. from the nice and co-operative ones, to those that give you hell.

when they co-operate, you'll do your job as easy as it can be. but when they dont, you'll just find yourself mumbling some swear words at the tip of your tongue. only at volume 1.

to be able to go through and manage for these six days, i should be given credits for myself. i really expected something bad to happen or anything that will make me go, "damn, nursing is not for me.." but no, i made it. and im proud of myself.

well, another thing ive encountered was.. death. yes, today itself on the 4th of September 2006, a patient in my ward passed away.


- 1 min of silence, let's all pray for him, please.. -

so i was saying, this patient he was a DIL (dangerously ill listed) patient. most of the time, these patients are not resussitated if they're to be out of oxygen or if their heart beat fell and end up leaving the world. so i saw everything, and i even am the one who cleaned this patient.

it's so sad because he couldnt speak and we knew nothing if he was going to say his last few words or not. he was in such a miserable state and when his oxygen level and heartbeat began sinking, his family members were crying and sobbing.

i reported critical (when his heart rate was only 14beats/min) to the staff nurse and she told me that it was noted, with a face that tells me there's nothing else we could do. and at that point of time, all i could do was to pray for his well-being.

when he finally left us and the world, we immediately screened the curtains and began cleaning him up. of course, i was afraid at that moment because i have never been so close to a dead person, what's more to CLEAN him up.

but i had to stay strong. i HAVE to stay strong. it's a human we're facing and he's got emotions too even if he's gone. so i talked to him with every thing i did and treated him as if he was still alive. but deep in my heart, i felt the pain and hurt to see a loved one go away.

it was very very sad.


and on this note, i would like to say a shout out to you guys out there who still have your loved ones alive, be it ill or not ill. on talking terms, or not.

sometimes, life doesnt tell you which way you should go. it also doesnt bring you to the path you need to walk on. we, as human beings live lives on our own, with only guidance as the best medium to keep us on track. but as things go on, humans tend to make mistakes and disputes may arise. but we all need to be patient and forgiving.

we may never knw why things happen but we all knw they happen for a reason. if at a point of time you feel so damn angry/irritated/agitated or even sad, dont ever wish for death, because death is not a reason your anger should be vented on. your life is as precious as another person's life to you. and if ever you feel that the world is giving up on you, first things first: do not take life like it's redundant anymore.

the person you love will always love you no matter how they dont show it. and we cannot assume that they will stop loving you. DONT HATE YOUR LOVED ONES EVEN IF THEY HURT YOU LIKE A MILLION MILE DEEP. for you'll never know when they'll leave you. but like unplanned things, you wont want them to leave you with a broken heart and remorseful tears. so please, treasure your loved ones with care and dont ever break anyone's heart.

♥ ,
nurool.

[edit] tag replies:

lelaa: IT'S NOT YOUR MICHELLE LAH. it's a year 2 michelle. okay, a DIFFERENT year 2 michelle. dont worry.

syuadah: my condolences to you, dear (though it's a bit late) but i really hope your granny is resting in peace now. deaths are unforseen circumstances, babe. and i hope you are as strong as i am trying to be. Love.

ktot: hey, ok i will!

dee: WELL, buka time we go lah! ok? we can one lah.. heh.

nuyul: hey! remember what i said to you ok! dont be afraid of blood! youre going to see LOOOOOOTS of it when youre in the ward. (:

EEQA: nonsense ar you. of course i look great in it. IM THE HOT AND SEXY NURSE YOU KNW. heh, i miss you too lar gile. those crappy days. see you soon, bitch. (hah! i can say bitch in here, you cant! PFFT!)

[/edit]

IT'S SEPTEMBER ALREADY!

..wow, how time flies.


yes, i HAVE BEEN WORKING for my attachments very dilligently i must say. and i never knew being a nurse (at this point of time) is REALLY FUN!

of course, there are patients who really test our patience but all's good, man. i really LOVE WARD 44. (:

CGH WARD 44. seems like it's a lot of people's favourite ward. COOL, and if youre wondering what kind of ward it is, well it's a C class respi(ration) ward.

yeps, there you can find all sorts of respi-related problem patients. from things like.. lung diseases, breathing problems and anything that affects RESPIRATION. wooooo. (:

see that picture with the bestfriend? that's my uniform. hahaha. imma MISSY! missy nurool. heh, i loike! keke.

i never thought being a nurse is such a holistic job. it doesnt only affect you physically (strained), it affects you mentally, emotionally and spiritually. hahaha. this sounds cliche as if i read it somewhere but it's true. sometimes i feel like crying when a patient or even a family member cries. it's so painful to see someone else cry.. oh sigh.

and sometimes, patients dont even knw what they're suffering from. but what WE knw is that they are going to go real soon. ..if you knw what i mean. =(

on a brighter note, some patients are REALLY CUTE! like this ah-pek that looks like a heeuggee male doll. hahaha. he is just freaken adorable lah, aiyo! =)

and besides caring for our dear patients, ive made some year2 friends as well. people like ikhfak (god, I STILL DONT KNW HOW TO PRONOUNCE HER NAME. so i call her QiQi. cause her name is Ikhfak Haqiqi. CUTE? i knw!!!), shirley, michelle, rihfan and yeahs, two others i dont knw their name. haha.

working (as a nurse, in a ward, and caring for patients) is really cool. all that parameter takings, all the WORK made me realise how important a nurse is. oh, im so glad im in this line!

Nurse Educator Hanijah (from CGH) once said, "if youre a starhub servicer for example, if your customer's handphone goes wrong, you'll lose a customer's service. and if youre a man who sells mee rebus as another example and if your service sucks, you'll just lose your regular customers..

.. but if you're a nurse, and something goes wrong, you dont lose just your service. but you'll lose your PATIENT'S LIFE in your HANDS.."

and it slapped me so hard. owch. goodness, i really want my patients to go towards good health. Allah, please help me. Amin.

i ever did charting wrongly and caused rihfan to rechart everything for me (EVERYTHING AGAIN!) and i felt sooooo guilty. booo. the staff nurse (SN) didnt scold or reprimand me but she reminded me sarcastically and i felt that sharp pain.

i guess WORKING AS A NURSE is really important and that we should never and must never let our thoughts disrupt our work. because a patient's life is at stake.


i wish this would all end.
`Bee.