im starting to love nursing more and more. honestly, i find that its the only way i can feel for others. the less fortunate ones, and of course the least abled ones. i did have regrets taking nursing at first, but i realised nursing is not all about shit and the fucks you get in the ward, but it's the patient's heart and care you got to master.

and that's not easy i tell you. ..sometimes, it's even scary and freaky. yet patience testing. throughout the six days ive been in the ward now, ive encountered all sorts of patients. from the nice and co-operative ones, to those that give you hell.

when they co-operate, you'll do your job as easy as it can be. but when they dont, you'll just find yourself mumbling some swear words at the tip of your tongue. only at volume 1.

to be able to go through and manage for these six days, i should be given credits for myself. i really expected something bad to happen or anything that will make me go, "damn, nursing is not for me.." but no, i made it. and im proud of myself.

well, another thing ive encountered was.. death. yes, today itself on the 4th of September 2006, a patient in my ward passed away.


- 1 min of silence, let's all pray for him, please.. -

so i was saying, this patient he was a DIL (dangerously ill listed) patient. most of the time, these patients are not resussitated if they're to be out of oxygen or if their heart beat fell and end up leaving the world. so i saw everything, and i even am the one who cleaned this patient.

it's so sad because he couldnt speak and we knew nothing if he was going to say his last few words or not. he was in such a miserable state and when his oxygen level and heartbeat began sinking, his family members were crying and sobbing.

i reported critical (when his heart rate was only 14beats/min) to the staff nurse and she told me that it was noted, with a face that tells me there's nothing else we could do. and at that point of time, all i could do was to pray for his well-being.

when he finally left us and the world, we immediately screened the curtains and began cleaning him up. of course, i was afraid at that moment because i have never been so close to a dead person, what's more to CLEAN him up.

but i had to stay strong. i HAVE to stay strong. it's a human we're facing and he's got emotions too even if he's gone. so i talked to him with every thing i did and treated him as if he was still alive. but deep in my heart, i felt the pain and hurt to see a loved one go away.

it was very very sad.


and on this note, i would like to say a shout out to you guys out there who still have your loved ones alive, be it ill or not ill. on talking terms, or not.

sometimes, life doesnt tell you which way you should go. it also doesnt bring you to the path you need to walk on. we, as human beings live lives on our own, with only guidance as the best medium to keep us on track. but as things go on, humans tend to make mistakes and disputes may arise. but we all need to be patient and forgiving.

we may never knw why things happen but we all knw they happen for a reason. if at a point of time you feel so damn angry/irritated/agitated or even sad, dont ever wish for death, because death is not a reason your anger should be vented on. your life is as precious as another person's life to you. and if ever you feel that the world is giving up on you, first things first: do not take life like it's redundant anymore.

the person you love will always love you no matter how they dont show it. and we cannot assume that they will stop loving you. DONT HATE YOUR LOVED ONES EVEN IF THEY HURT YOU LIKE A MILLION MILE DEEP. for you'll never know when they'll leave you. but like unplanned things, you wont want them to leave you with a broken heart and remorseful tears. so please, treasure your loved ones with care and dont ever break anyone's heart.

♥ ,
nurool.

[edit] tag replies:

lelaa: IT'S NOT YOUR MICHELLE LAH. it's a year 2 michelle. okay, a DIFFERENT year 2 michelle. dont worry.

syuadah: my condolences to you, dear (though it's a bit late) but i really hope your granny is resting in peace now. deaths are unforseen circumstances, babe. and i hope you are as strong as i am trying to be. Love.

ktot: hey, ok i will!

dee: WELL, buka time we go lah! ok? we can one lah.. heh.

nuyul: hey! remember what i said to you ok! dont be afraid of blood! youre going to see LOOOOOOTS of it when youre in the ward. (:

EEQA: nonsense ar you. of course i look great in it. IM THE HOT AND SEXY NURSE YOU KNW. heh, i miss you too lar gile. those crappy days. see you soon, bitch. (hah! i can say bitch in here, you cant! PFFT!)

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