not many who know this, but 2006 has been a pretty much painful year for me, besides the satisfaction of going through many hardships alone & still standing even after that. im not saying friends havent been there for me but their presence is another whole different chapter/thing after all.

for once, the satisfaction of being single for so long now is still brimming with such proud emotions that i cant help feeling. its the best feeling of course, though it can get pretty lonely and boring but hey, ive got friends around me and dates to look forward to, so it's not so bad (: heh heh.

im trying to be really really honest here, but we cant trust the cyberworld as much doesnt it? so i'm really trying my best here.

anyways, 2006 was welcomed by working at U.R.S/Elle for four months. ..well almost, la. & what's even more fun was that i got to work with my bestfriend darling so, it's just bliss i should say. well, you could ask her for yourself! (: but working life has its ups & downs too but they were hurdles in life, aint it? so all's fine, still.

then came march where results were released and i got pretty disappointing results of course. it was too late to weep in remorse anyways but i was quite thankful that i managed to pass Maths and that was all i ever wanted and i wasnt feeling so bad afterall.

but anyhoots, when life was at its softer side for me, my love life started to bloom. unfortch, there was a bad relationship trauma for me earlier in december 2005 to "start 2006" which was due to a bad return of an ex-boyfriend. so things was quite cocked up at that point of time, which lost me out a potentially good relationship i might have with someone else.

that's okay i guess. we learn to lose things to know that they are actually there. you agree, hm? (:

so then came Mr. S. into this whole blooming-love-life picture. this time, it was more of a different approach. he was the one i spent lunch or dinner with during work. things got better and we hung out more than just being friends. it was all fun-loving and sweet-love before things took a turn when we wanted to "get serious".

it was painful especially when someone cannot feel the way you feel for them. & it happened to me. so i said, it's fine. i cant force love nor fate so i had to let things go. returning back to being friends with Mr. S. was terribly hard. i guess it was a pretty long while before we got to talk with each other again. & it felt really really awkward.

soon after, april came and i left the working force. i enrolled myself in Diploma in Nursing in NYP and started off school with crazy classmates. & i was even more thankful i had Carisa. things just got better & better, so it was sailing pretty smoothly.

at that point of time, the awkwardness between Mr. S & i were still at its highest peak la. so it was all funny funny and lol, i dont know how to explain. but things really got better towards the end of it. & thank God for that, please (:

Mr. S. has got himself a girlfriend now anyways, and it's really fine. im glad i managed to pass through that terrible case of slightly-deepened infatuation. well it was hard because i thought my life was about to get better, but i was strong and managed to get through it (: i hope Mr. S. & girlfriend are sailing on smoothly now. they really look cute together though. hees.

& as for me, i kept on sailing my boat of singlehood. i was pretty much happier then because i was going on dates and just enjoying life as it is. of course, at some point in time life put me into spots that i cant escape out of. thank God once again for the angels in disguise like Meyaa, Carisa & Lelaa mostly.

not to forget the others too, but you guys know who you are.

they were the ones who always enlighten my life and made me feel that life is really worth carrying on for and not just letting go because i was pushed down and turned away by the funny thing called Love.

so i decided to put Love aside for a moment and joined the Frisbee team with Nikki & Carisa. i tell you, the early months of Frisbee training was pure bliss. i could say i almost never fail to turn up for trainings & i simply loved it.

but the workload in school & the madness running through the rushing of presentations/projects & exams killed the moment and we had to end up not going for Frisbee at all to cater to so much things Nursing has laid down for us.

then it was ZE ATTACHMENTS. my goodness how excited i was to start working in a hospital for the first time ever in my whole life. it was exciting & scary at the same time. but i was looking forward to it so much, despite having to waste 66 minutes going to & fro work at CGH, Simei.

i didnt mind, though because Ward 44 made it all worth it (: the first week of attachments were monkey see monkey do & being told so kinda work for us Year 1s. it was funny because we saw things we didnt/wasnt suppose to see before and do things no other people would ever swore of trying at all. it could get pretty dirty & ugly for nurses to do such jobs but i couldnt feel less noble. (:
Nursing IS a noble profession & im so proud to be a part of the Nursing force. whahaha, sounds like some alien attacking team, bombarding planet Uranus or something, soon. hahaha.
sorry for sidetracking. but yeah, as i was saying, Ward 44 is the place to be! ahaha.

there was an incident which made me lost a friend in Ward 44 too, & its really a lesson learnt as well as an eye-opener for me. ..a huge one at that. now i really get what the nurses in the hospital mean when they say, "never trust anyone you work with no matter how close you are with that person".

because for all you know, you could just kill a patient with your friend's negligence or his heck-care attitude. & i almost killed.. MYSELF with that trust i had in a friend whose supposed to be responsible enough to own up to his mistakes, at the very least.

i shan't elaborate on that because its really painful & hurting to know that a person i used to be quite close with has just gotten in & out of my life just like that. haha, how big fat Ego kills a friendship so dear.

but anyways, Semester Two was even more stressful.

#1. killer bio topics.
#2. harder modules.
#3. cannot get along with people.

damn, i dont know how we're going to survive 3 years in the same class where #3 is concerned. internal conflicts & bullshit all over. so much for being the "Most Enthusiastic Class", the title we clinched & hamper we won during School of Health Sciences Freshmen Orientation 2006. i think all the enthusiasm has dried up anyways.

but it's okay while it is now. just that, my subgroup have been my major problem ever since. i really dont know how to deal with such a group like this, anymore. sigh- let's not go there.

so then Love came plunging in again, now even much more stronger than ever. man, he was my first ever love/crush/funny-butterfly-feeling-in-the-tummy ive ever felt as young as a 9 year old silly schoolgirl. it was the longest feeling ever that ive kept for someone & it just couldnt go away.

i thought things were going the right way when it didnt,
i thought happy days were awaiting for me.
i thought it was all sunny side up,
i thought that fairytales could happen.
i thought it was the best moment in life, ever.
i thought that i was going to be the happiest girl.

..but i was wrong.

it was heartbreaking yet again to be in love for so long, and i have to get out of it so soon, without having taste anything at all. i dont get prized for anything at all. i wasnt hoping but i just felt unjustified. it's just so.. ..unjust. when my path was overtaken, the feeling suck already. when its proven that she was the one instead of me,

my world just had to crash.

life has been hard. oh, really hard. but it's all good. im a strong girl, dude. i can go on with or without you. though i live in denial day by day, i'll be fine. ive got people caring for me & that's more than i couldve ever asked for.

LET'S NOT START TO BE SAPPY.

but i guess, this year itself, things with Dad all the way at Sengkang isnt any better, from the last anyways. it's been the same. going back there & pretend to be all happy & missing but actually i dont feel belonged there at all. i wish dad could know what i trully feel.

i wish everyone did.

anyways, to sum up my 2006, life has been cruel. but eye-opening for me. ive seen so many things that ive seen to make me who i am today. i dont regret anything that has happened to me & i take it as lessons learnt.

i hope in 2007, i wont experience the same hardships, & take on harder ones to challenge myself. i hope i wont feel the same heartbreak i felt because im supposed to be wiser & know better.

and in 2007, i hope many happy things happen to replace the sad things that happened in 2006. & that's my resolution. (:

with this, i'd like to end this entry with a big thankyou to all those who has made my life possible. & if i were to list your names all down, i wont have the space to because there's just too many of you little heartlings around me. i realised you guys are always there for me despite my busy moments, despite my almost non-existance because life is always moving on, where change is always constant.

i'm really glad, too, for the new friends made in 2006 who gave me so much joy & laughter. to the new memories we've created on top of the new ones, to the getting to know of each other. it's so special & i hope it doesnt end here but will be more to come.

& to those who came and went in and out of my life, i'd like to thank you for your presence too. every single person that stepped into my life makes a difference to who i am today & even though you guys have left my life because things made it be so, i'm still thanking for all the great moments that happened.

I LOVE ALL OF YOU.

`Bee. ;)
- owh, and when 2007 comes, i wont sign off as `Bee anymore. i will...

..okay let's say we'll talk about it when 2007 comes. (: -

& in 2007, i will forget you.
since it's still 2006, i'll always love you...im sorry that im about to break my promise.
goodbye world, goodbye 2006.

HAPPY NEW YEAR.may the bestest of things happen to you guys,from this year on! (:

"see that man over there?
i'd kill to have a piece of him
we're in love
we love each other
but neither of us has the strength or the courage
or the trust(in ourselves) to reach out and touch the other
and we're not allowed
not allowed??
oh i get it, his girlfriend wouldn't like it either"

that is so.. powerful.

thanks lelaa for writing such beautiful things i myself cannot put into words.

(:
`Bee.

i love mamat not ateem. (:

the earthquake in Taiwan that's causing all the internet connection problem is really making things annoying, yesterday. it frusts me so much to keep signing in and out of MSN Messenger and the whole not-being-able-to-connect-to-the-net thing is making it worst.

thankfully today's a better internet-connection day (:

anyhoots, im starting to find my "slower pace" in life now (which is mostly slacking and lazing around) getting more and more boring. i think ive mentioned it somewhere in the previous entry but really la, im like finding myself not blogging because i really have nothing to blog about already.

and this is really bad.

plus the extinction of pictures to post, i feel so clueless already. & not to mention restless as well. everyday it's almost the same thing for me. waking up to the calls that i receive from dad to get up and do something around the house. then i did something and its back to being slumped in front of the laptop again. a few minutes later, check in on Hakeem for a second and then back into my room and start all over again. it's been mono. my life has been seriously mono.

i miss my girls.

i wonder how meyaa's doing. we dont chat up on the phone alot anymore nowadays. we've got our own stuff i guess. & i wonder how sriee, nurul, and even nana or qah are doing. i got to chat alil with sriee in the midst of the major internet disruption just now. glad she's fine and all. checked out her friendster profile for a sec and she looks as if she is going on fine. that's good. (: i missed her sarcasm la. how she'd go, "kau ni, pekak ke ape? telinger da bertahun tak korek agaknye.." haha, her-mocking-yet-funny-but-sarcastic self. owh, i miss sriee.

& qah? ive been seeing her online alot also. wait, online alot in the wee hours of the morning that is. the last i know is she holds her sleepiness and watch videos before getting really really sleepy and then, hit the sacks. now thats bad, dude. qah if youre reading this, STOP IT LA. why destroy your pretty eyes for them videos? like no other time to watch like that. chill babe! haha.

i hope nana & nurul are doing good too. & not forgetting lelaa. i hope she's been fine too. ARE YOU, lelaa? you are, right? hoho. sorry la i didnt tell you i was going to Batam. i didnt know you'd want to lend me your cammie and take pictures to let you 'feel' Batam heh. but yeah, i didnt mean it. i miss you la, doinks. i hope january really come quick because it's the attachments! & we're going to work at the same place, same time but different ward & different shifts? I HOPE NOT. =D

oh, update me on your schedule kay! like your shifts and all. or you could just agonisingly text me your admin no. (: whichever that you want im fine. hoho. & good luck in doing so! =O naw, just kidding. =)

i really wish i could track back alil and treasure the moments i had with them girls more before this. before i knew i was going to move to Yew Tee, before i knew things were about to take a heeugge turn. but then again, this kinda wish will never happen so i should just quit wishing and try to do something about it.

anyways, the tracks in my playlist are getting more and more boring. its like there's nothing else nicer to look forward listening to. i want a playlist update! somebody, anybody.. pass me songs please. im dying in the same old mono tracklist that i have with the crazy internet connection to add to the madness.

damn, my life IS mono. mono . mono . im mono-phrenic.

:l

okay omg, no.

i just realised that my life is about to get all topsy-turvy again once january comes. bite this: IT'S NOT GOING TO BE A GOOD START TO THE YEAR!

okay, minus all the drama, im just afraid of the exams & the undeniably irritating project/presentation that's going to be due soon la. with the procrastinators that my group is made up of, i just dont know how to keep the group going at all. ive tried to be more relaxed and not rush them too much on the project work, but it's just making it all worst. it's like all the more they think they should slow down because i say so.

im, what? the PILLAR of the group? oh, no thanks. i dont wish to believe so even if i think im more than that. im sorry to sound braggy but im just so tired of having to panic and rush at the wrong things which needed rush way much earlier than this. just like the current presentation that we're supposed to have already started on, nobody is doing -or even asking- anything about it. i bet theyre still enjoying their skimpy "two week break" while it lasted la.

i know i couldve started on it and stop complaining. but how long should i be the one pushing through when im not even the leader? and speaking of the leader, omg, dont make me go there. i just want the people from my group to see how important group works are to me and how they should know it is important to them too.

BUT NOBODY CAN MAKE THEM SEE & I GIVE UP.

i hope the new semester comes, soon. as much as im really reluctant to switch groups, i really need a break. & i swear im praying for a BETTER group to work in. with no more disasters to handle and all. i need out.

I NEED OUT.

`Bee.

the egg.

the rice

the whole meal.

and finally..

the brother LOVING it!

hahaha, and it was cool. cooking is fun, nasi goreng is love. it's so easy to cook that i cooked it for the second time again today! (:

& you bet la, it's waaaaaaay nicer. so haha, i rock!

it's been chilly chilly these days. i hope by january, the rain would subside. i dont want to go to work, soaking wet and stink from all those damp uniform.

if everyth goes well, tomorrow im meeting haniff my brudder! oh, it's been so long and we're going to explore Vivo City. im still a gundoo there so is he, and we're going to both be gundoos for the day at Vivo City. (:

i hope i wont bump into the people i dont want to see. then my day'll be purrfekkt. whee.

and also, i hope friday happens too! coffee with Hannan the man. yeah, for more catching up and he says hes going bring me to the starbucks somewhere in town, i dont know i forgot where but i havent been there. so he should be proud to bring me there.

yay. mocha mocha love. here i come! & money please sink into my pockets, please please. i dont want to be broke but i already am and this suck. ahaha, i hope mommey can pass me some of her bills tomorrow (:

so til all that happens, im going to make the rest of today a lil more productive. first, starting off by folding up some laundry which took 2 days to dry up, muchos gracias to the rain..

..then i'll probably think of something else to do.


oh, i love the rain ♥♥
`Bee.

the dad!

and the pretty siblings.
-hakeem&nurool(:

so we set off on the ferry on Saturday morning. it was all breezy and windy and rainy alil. and it was cold cold cold. thank god i brought my Puma jackies along! we cabbed down to Harbourfront at around 10am-ish and got into the ferry & everything at 11am.

the whole ferry ride was cool. it was raining though so i didnt get to go to the back of the ferry to enjoy the breeze and scenery. but it was alright, i plugged to my MP3 and grooved to my favourite tracks.

as i shut my eyes - to keep myself from getting sea sickness - i had thoughts. well, deep thoughts that i've always had. it was getting sadder that i could feel my eyes almost wet but i managed to erase them thoughts in time, and thankfully brother wanted to puke. (because with that i have something to do)

poor little botakhead, he was feeling really sea-sicked. & he had to puke into the dustbin. we havent had breakfast though, so his puke was all plain and colourless. probably just water he had. but anyways, hes fine now. ahaha..

oh, we had a "chauffer" to drive us around Batam there! so when we reached, the car took us around. and first stop, LUNCH. dad & mommey were freaking hungry i could tell by the look on their faces everytime we passed by a food restaurant.

but anyhoos, lunch done, we headed to the hotel. we seriously had no idea which hotel was good and which wasnt so.. oh by the way, the chauffer's name was Hendry/Hendri i dont know which spelling but yeah.. so Hendry took us to Merlion Hotel. & i must say, the hotel looked scary.

from outside, it looked like a place for some.. i dont know. but we checked in anyways because "it has a swimming pool" - Hendry. so when we went in, the hotel was fully booked. i was like, "what?! so you mean we have to go hotel hunting?".. because i was really tired and all. i needed REST.

but thank god, one room was cancelled and VOILA, we got it. at first i didnt really care what kind of hotel it is, but when i found out there wasnt any lift, i started to get suspicious. wahahaha.

& you wont want me to start climbing the stairs.. and then on your body to slap your face. (:

skali, the room only 2nd floor la. hahaha, so it wasnt that bad. we got in and, tada..

the room.

cool? cool. it was not bad for a, what, 2 or 3 star hotel like this? haha, im not being bad but it's really not bad. at least the bed was comfy.. ..despite knowing someone else might have "made babies" there. okay, erase bad thoughts.. ewwk.

so then we watched the telly alil and i fell asleep..

when i woke up, we were already setting off to go round Batam! wheeee. i dont know why i was excited but i was. so much so that i changed out of my top and skirt into my babydoll & leggins. ahaha, arousal method like that laa. lol.

we went around Batam, hit them malls. but i think it was more like we went Nagoya Hill to check out the place. or was it Mega Mall? okay no, it's Nagoya Hill. so we walked around and went into Matahari (which means "Sun" in malay) . it's a departmental store we have it here in Singapore, like Isetan or OG, or Metro kinda place. so yeahs..

we browsed around and i tried on tops. saw two of them pretty tops. a grey one and..

this one

but i couldnt decide on which to buy & that light brown one was funny looking after a while, so i decided on the grey one. sorrey no peechure.

then we walked around somemore and guess what i saw?

Summer by Kenzo

YES. YES YES!! this is the fragrance that ive been looking for like for AGES. reason why i didnt buy waaaay back then was because i DIDNT have the money plus i didnt think i'd like it anyways, but i did. Kenzo kept coming up with something new but their "Summer" just had to leave.

so i was all HAPPY HAPPY when i saw this la. yay. imma happy boogey. but i had to bug mommey to get it la. heck, i got it still. like, FINALLY. so lalala~ (:

then we walk around and around aimlessly because the place was pretty HUGE. then suddenly i got a text. i was shocked la because i didnt expect anyone to be texting me when im like in Batam? but yeah, and guess who? haha, it was Hannan! & i got more shocked.

he left a "hey, are you in Batam Nagoya Hill?" and i was like, damnnn. he's here too? OMG, please dont tell me he saw me doing something stupid or anything. but nah, he said he thought he saw me on the ground floor earlier on. hoho.

so yeah, we texted and then met outside a shop at Level 2. awww, it's really nice to see him again after quite some time. and his cousins were there too. haha, i was SHY for once la. i didnt know what to say but luckily i didnt stumble upon my words :P

we didnt talk for long. ..more like we couldnt cause i had to go. i mean, my parents wanted to go somewhere else so we exchanged goodbyes and separated. ahaha, i was still quite surprised that we could bump into each other in Batam, of all places.

but it's nice. it's good. (:

night fell & we went to have dinner at KFC. ..next to Hannan's hotel. HAHA! what a coincidence. but by then he was going swimming or so he said, and after dinner we went to a Karaoke lounge! my whole family including Hendry/Hendri sang. okay, except Hakeem la.

Hendry/Hendri (okay let's just stick to Hendry)'s not bad a singer, though. he's not shy. and that's good i guess. i mean, it'll be just a waste of money to be shy if youre going to a Karaoke lounge to sing. i mean, it's all paid for, so just hit the mic! hahaha, and he really did.

he sang two songs and gave up. haha, i think he was abit shy la. but he sang two songs at the beginning and two songs at the end. so it was all wrapped up pretty nicely. & the singing thing was really good for me because i could get to de-stress! really really funn.

after that we headed on back to the hotel and ended the day.

oh, Hakeem was hungry again so we ordered room service. haha, it's cool because the food was quite good i must say. yumm, and i was too full also la. but i just "gave it a shot" like powershot. not bad but really spicy! my lips, eyes, nose, ears were burning la because i thought the cili padi wasnt that hot but it was swelling up my FACE! ahhaha. so i quit.

it was a new day, the next day and we all had breakfast at the hotel. i was craving for cereals. so i went down happily to find that there isnt no cereals. just really really heavy breakfast like fried rice, noodles, laksa. and bread toast. so i just had a bit of alot of food ahaha and yeah, swore not to have the same breakfast on the second morning. (:

Hendry came with the car and we set of for Mega Mall. okay, it really intrigues me how the malls are pretty huge and what not there. i wish Singapore has the same big, huge malls too man. but anyways, there wasnt anything much there, though. but the familie had a heirkut! hahha, yes, a haircut.

at first it was just dad. but then mommey and i were itching for a hair trim too because my hair ends are splitting. so we did. we had hair wash, hair cut and hair blow. COOOL.

it's been so long since i washed, cut & blow my hair in a salon. and it was fun. i realised my weakest tickle point is my.. head? my goodness, my goose pimples just suddenly came out when the man was washing my hair and you know, shampooing and all. i was aroused for that 5 minutes.

HAHA. just kidding (:

so then it was all done and i look like this.

ta-da!

i dont if there's much difference though but my previous hair was inches LONGER.

there.

but i guess it's fine. I REALLY LOVE the way the man curled my hair with the brush though! (: pretty! ..but it didnt last, so.. pfft.

haha.

after all that jazz, we went to eat Ayam Penyet. its really nice there, i heard but it wasnt that nice at the place that i went to try it. and my chicken was damn small. dad said it was a bird and i freaked out like totally la. i was like =O straightaway.

man, he's mean but no, it's not a bird. hahaha, i'd have puke-n all of that BIRD out la if it really was a bird. EWWK.

so with our full stomach, we went back to Nagoya Hill to just look around again. oh, and mommey wanted to get the smaller luggage bag because we had pretty much things to bring back now. so we got the luggage and guess what? we stepped into Matahari again.

and i saw pretty pretty polo tops! omgomgomg and i wanted it so badly. and, heheh i got it la after much persuasion of course (:

Polo polo-tee & Polo top(:

with those two tops in my hand we walked around and around and mommey got herself a top also. but we went back to the fragrance counter which we were hogging on the night before and tried more perfume. ahaha, then i thought we're done but mommey was finally convinced that it was really nice. what is?

this. FCUK - for Her fragrance. (:

hahaha, i guess girls really cannot stand not buying something they know they want. :P but these are bad bad shopping habbits. but it's really relieving i guess. hoho.

then we got hakeem a pair of sandals and finally we were really done. paid for the things and headed back to the hotel.

ahh, nice comfy bed and cool tv shows. it's xmas eve so hurray to all the nice movies on Ch 5. thank god there's Ch 5 there, or else i'd have died of indonesian shows. i cant really understand alot alot of it so i get sick of it very easily.

while watching tv, mom& dad went up to Level 4 to SING! hahaha, karaoke freaks i guess. :P and i watched tv til the tv watched me.

it was drizzling when we were heading to the ferry terminal. & the breeze was really cooling so it was a chilly trip home. i was so tired that i slept like a pig. hahaha, unlike Hannan who slept mouth-opened. LOL.

so we finally reached Singapore and all of us were feeling really tired but we cant go home without something so we sat at the Harbourfront coffee centre and had cup of tea. (:
then it was home sweet home.

sorry for the lengthy post!
`Bee.

i got this from sammie dey's livejournal. i dont know if she reads my blog but if you do, sam credits are going to you! (:


1. What did you do in 2006 that you'd never done before?
got a job, bought mommey her present exceeding $200! (:

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
i never had a proper resolution, & im thinking of making one for next year, since my 2006 was all messed up.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
owh, my cousin!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
granny's really good friend.

5. What foreign countries did you visit?
malaysia? haha, im going batam tomorrow! :D

6. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006?
a new life and more bonding with the close friends.

7. What date from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
sometime around August. this kinda took a turn in my life which makes me realise alot of things now. it's both good and bad. (:

8. What was your biggest achievement of this year?
overcoming my greatest fear of losing what i once held so dear.

9. What was your biggest failure?
disappoint mommey in so many ways. it has always been my biggest failure among all.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
nope, i have been fine all throughout 2006, thank God!

11. What was the best thing you bought?
my cellphone (: - though dad chipped in 3/4 of the amount. heh.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
i dont know, it's more like behaviours i saw in 2006 are waiting to be sent to Hell.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
some of the new friends i make & my brother's. :O

14. Where did most of your money go?
food & really ridiculous things. damn, i wished i could have saved more.

15. What did you get really, really excited about?
meeting him. i swear my heart was almost exploding, but it's all over.

im fine, seriously.

16. What song(s) will always remind you of 2006?
Justin Timberlake's Future Sex Love Songs albums & Chris Brown's "Say Goodbye"

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder?
contented, i guess.
ii. thinner or fatter?
thinner. ahhaha.
iii. richer or poorer?
less poorer. (:
iv. older or wiser?
WISER.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
think & know what i was doing.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
following too much of my heart.

20. How will you be spending New Years Eve?
packing my Nursing uniform for the attachments? (':

21. Did you fall in love in 2006?
before that, but i stopped falling in love in 2006, too.

22. How many one-night stands?
zero.

23. What was your favourite TV program?
some chinese serials & Charmed.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
nope, i dont hate anybody. (:

25. What was the best book you read?
Janet Dailey's "Rival" - & that's considered good enough.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Justin T's album! & Chris Brown's too (:

27. What did you want and get?
i wanted N3230 so bad, and i got it. now it's kinda faulty but im still loving it.

28. What did you want and not get?
LOVE. but im proud that im single for one whole year! (:

29. What was your favourite film of this year?
Step Up! & My Super Ex-Girlfriend.

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
i didnt do anything but i had 5 birthday surprises, blew off 4 cakes and cut 1 yellow glutinous rice "cake". & i never felt any happier that i turned 17. (:

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
TIME. & a hugeass camera!

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006?
long sleeves/buttony tops & jeans. babydoll dress & leggins.

33. What kept you sane?
music, friends & positive thinking. hoho.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Tyra Banks. (besides Wentworth Miller, Justin Timberlake, Christina Aguilera and Mariah Carey)

35. What political issue stirred you the most?
government differences in Singapore & Malaysia. my uncles were talking about it.

36. Who did you miss?
my daddy. )':

37. Who was the best new person you met?
asides NR0604, it has to be timothy (:

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006.
"Sometimes, the best things are right in front of your eyes."

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
"Sometimes in life,
You run across a love unknown,
Without a reason, it feel like you, belong.
Hold on Dear Life,
Don't go off running from what's new,
I became somebody, through loving you."

- "Dear Life" by Anthony Hamilton.

i can't sleep tonight. not surprised why, though. despite feeling so tired and all swelled up, i still cant put my mind at ease. i feel so uptight, i feel so numbed. i just cant get this feeling out.

i wish i could do something to make myself feel better. oh how i hate feeling like this. brrr. and this whole entry is pointless, too.

im sorry but i have to let myself out. i cant go on having sleepless nights.

damn i feel so hurt.
i feel so broken.

i know i stil have you. but it's a different chapter altogether.

i wish i hadnt known you.
i really really feel terrible.


`Bee

it was a day with lela today. i dont know how to describe it..

from the rain,
to the picking me up from the other side of the road,
to the eating,
to the searching for amk polyclinic,
to the jab,
to the pictures,
to the time spent,
to the LOVE

to the.. US. (:

everything was perfect. and i never felt better. i really let my mind to be put at ease and all was worth it. i loved the fact that lela was there for me despite we didnt really touch on anything that needed to be being-there for.

you know?

i love how i was hooked to her camera. haha, i should really thank lela for letting me snaps picture of our new found friend, Dusk with her camera. no wait, her 800-dollar camera. CANON, camera.

damn, im envious la. and i really love photography. i wish i could practice-makes-perfect on my own one. but i bet you a million laptops that i wont get it. reason being?

..ahahaha, i just got myself a laptop, remember? (:

but it's okay. as long as lela is there, i'll still get to ease my urges to snap with her Canon baby. hahahah i hope she dont mind. owh lelaa! YOU DONT MIND RIGHT?

tell me if you mind kay, then i shall get MY canon repaired and use the thing unprofessionally, just like how digicams are.

HAHA.

owh, i forgot. meet DUSK..

you bet!

hoho, im proud of myself. those two shots were taken by ME ME MEE!! ((: the pictures look so professional man, i rock!!

so then, there's a grand total of 200 something something pictures taken today. JUST TODAY ALONE and poof, 200 plus plus pictures, there you go. i bet that's the craziest camwhoring moment ive had, la.

owh, i'd call it "photographing moments" now. haha, and i didnt even realise it, dawg. awww.. i miss today already!

let's go photographing again lelaa! no, it's more like, "let's go get my new camera with hell notes, first lelaa!"

DARN, i really need one bigass camera. hahaha, shush all you bigass-camera-owning-people out there. i WONT keep wishing for one, i shall save for one! just you watch me. hmpf!

so i shall start saving first with..

..my..

.. my.. fallen hair.

DAMN, IM BROKE!

`Bee.

i love lelaa (:

i havent been okay lately, that i admit. thanks to the people who cared for me (: i love you all. owh, and ive been digging J.T lately. damn, he's just hotsex! i love love love love J.T!

hotsex! hotsex! hotsex!

dont you just wanna caress his head and put him so close to your chest, turn off the lights and get kinkayyee. make loveee tonight!!~ argh, orgasming!

LOL. okay, that was totally random.

when i came out of the shower just now, i saw three tickets to go watch Eragon on the table, complemented by Shell. i got all jiggly and excited, planning in my head who shall i bring to watch and all. so i called mom first (thank god, i did) and..

me: mother! there's three tickets on the desk!
mom: yeah, why?
me: i want to go!
mom: but ive promised your brother~ you always come home late!
me: OH..
mom: but you want to go? i can find another ticket for you.. (no thanks mom)
me: nah, it's okay..
mom: you sure? i can go and try to..
me: -interrupts- MOM I SAID ITS OKAY.
mom: okay.
me: bye.

danggs, i couldve gone there with my girls. oh, there being Vivo City to catch that show. i mean, i dont give a heck what the show is about but the hanging out would be marvellous, i bet! sigh, and the pretty memories.. but too bad for me, too bad for nurool, there aint no tickets for me to go watch Eragon!

so i guess i shall just go..

SWIMMING!

(((: nurul (the other nurul in Nursing) asked me - to ask carisa and nikki too - to go swimming with them today! yay! i think i can. but dangs, i dont have nurul's number besides her resident number!

..and i dont think she'll be at home?

hoho, but i'll find my ways (:

oh by the way, i met up with mubz and siti yesterday! mubz finally gave me the spa voucher to me. oh yay, 1hr worth of Traditional Body Massage or something like that, for free!

yeah yeah imma happy bugger, imma happy bitche! (: i shall go the spa soon (it's actually mubz's dad's spa so WOOO, i wanna go check it out, yaw!)

owh and today i got to get my LAST and final dosage of Hep B. hope all goes well.. no more vomitting, no shitto maffizo. x)

okay im off now, got to catch some girlfriend's loving over lunch! (:

`Bee

and when the time comes, you shall tell me
where i should head,
and i'll tell you

"thanks ah!" c(:

okay, this one is for real. how's the skin? i think it's hawt. the most different one asides all my other plain (& lame) skins. haha, im too free i guess, and im sorry eeqa. i hadta change it too. LOL. not that i dont like that skin of yours, I LOVE IT but hahaha, im just too itchy finger-ed. (:

oh, well lelaa liked it too! haha so no worries (:

damnit, justin timberlake is hot like nothing in the world can be compared to. haha, lelaa noticed my current obsession for him, too. i just love the way he pops, the way he groove and swooove and shake that hot and intact ass of his..

..im drooling, dawg. he pops really well and he makes me high. NOTE: high, not orgasm. but his album does! ..make me orgasm. hahaha, i was practically dancing and grooving, doing my thang that i got carried away in the train on the way to school!

i was shutting my eyes from the ugly morning that monday welcomed me with, sitting in the train and earwaxin' to j.t's latest album (the one which eeqa sent me! haha, thanks doll!). then i got so into the music that i was shaking and ya kno' wha im talkin' about, yo!

hahaha, and i only realised i was doing a tad too much of 'carrying away' when i opened my eyes and found people staring at me. HAHA, i bet they were jealous i had j.t's songs to groove to! (simply because they all looked stoned and dead almost dying..?) but then again, J.T ROCKS LA BEDAH, thanksamill! ((:

so today's lecture was okay, i mean what can you get from joelle's lecture besides boredom, and a lil element of crapness which is.. lame? okay, sorry miss lecturer but i'd prefer asma than her. oh asma come back! ):

the five hours break was COOL! went to thompson's post office to collect carisa's dress & then off to thompson plaza for lunch @ kfc. haha, carisa was "famous" for two seconds there when peirceans went like, "hey, isnt that carisa!" or was it.. "hey, look! that's carisa!"

but either way, i was like, -.-" hahaha. SORREH BABES, too bad you dont look like the "school, stand" girl anymore. xD

after lunch we went around the place and decided to get nikki's present. we got her a HEEUGE version of her current notebook and a long, big pencil case! (she better use it tomorrow!) haha, and wrapped her presents at BK.

thanks to those crap policies them shops had. but its okay. ((:

and when tutorial finally came, we waited for nikki to give us the pouches she bought at ChengMai (WITH OUR NAMES & A BUTTON SEWN ON IT) before giving her her present! ((:

oh, take a peek!

click to enlarge (:

aint it pretty? THANKS NIKKI BABES FOR THE POUCHY. it's really cute and it's in green! hahaha. i love you love nikki love me love everybody! yay!

okay, more updates soon.

im off for TIGER PRAWN SAMBAL mother made for dinner now! YAY.

mwacks,
`Bee.

im thinking of you thinking of me,
thinking of you..

ive been losing appetite and eating less these days. i cant even finish a pathetic cheeseburger from Burger King or even a Sausage McMuffin with Egg. & i dont know why. im guessing it's from the overload of work that i was having the past weeks.

thank god they're over now for good. next up, the attachments. i'll be going back to and fro Changi General Hospital again but this time, for three weeks. damn, aint that a tad too much? hoho, but if it was Ward 44 i dont mind, dude.

i dont even know which ward im going back to! all i know is it's a surgical ward. gee, it can be renal ward, cardiac ward.. all the other gory wards you know. i wish i could go to orthopaedic ward. and take care of people with musculoskeletal problems. (:

no more mr-attention-seeking uncle who's depressed and kicked up a big fuss cause his card has zero balance. (damn, he wanted to sue Starhub!) and no more screaming-hauling uncle who's well, slightly unsound and turns pervetic.

but then again, i miss all those hassle and shushing noisy patients. hah, no more little "brother" to take care of before his minor surgery. well, let's talk a little about him kays. hee (:

this 14-year-old boy was warded to my ward. at first, i was wondering too why is he there, i mean, he's a kid dude. and all of my other patients are UNCLES for... uncle's sake! but then again, who cares? the Ward Sister assigned me to take care of him.

so i did (: he was cute la i mean, little boys are cute. he's short for his age and has a dark complexion. damn, ive always wanted a younger brother about his age. but.. yeah, let's not go there. so i took care of him and his needs - TOILET needs and you know, mobility needs. like his need to move here and there? yeah, those needs.

though he was only warded for two days, i could feel the bond with him. and im proud because i stuck with him all the way til he goes for his surgery and then back from it. i could still remember the tears that rolled down his cheeks when he laid there on the trolley. i felt like crying because i know how scary it is to go for surgery at 14.

but i stayed strong and wiped his tears, telling him to stay strong too. even though i felt like slapping that old potter who kept spiting him because of some reasons, i just assured him and told him not to be afraid. and he smiled (:

i feel happy when i make people smile. i mean, the satisfaction is really.. satisfying. haha, weird but who doesn't? it's like even though you know you cant really do much to ease their burden and they know it too but even though they dont or cant say anything, their smile definately meant to show their appreciation.

and to be appreciated is the best feeling in the world. ..after Love. [:

so there, those are some of the reasons why i want to go back to Ward 44. because besides funny patients, ive got really caring and nice staffs there. mostly, the ENs. and not forgetting fun working colleagues too. (:

but i guess, in nursing, working has to be all-rounder. i mean, we have to learn how to adapt fast and know what you're going to work on/at.

okay, i think i must've bore you.

so then, apologies for the lack of updates. been busy bee for the past weeks and yeps, they're all finally over. (: i feel much much more liberated and free. and no more headaches and what have yous.

last wednesday i went to catch De Ja Vu. one hell of a good show IF you dont enter the cinema late. i didnt quite get it at first, well because we caught the show 10 mins later. but then after everything's over and you give it a little ponder with some chatting with your girlfriend who watched it too, then i realised.. damn, that show was GOOD.

so the movie was complemented by farhan's sister. and i must say thanksamill for the tix and the company. it was a great time spent with farhan, his sis and abg zai. haha, it was pretty late by the time i got home but all's clear.. minus the drama. LOL.

so then movie done, we had supper by the waters of sentosa? lol. vivo city was huge. and i almost got lost. in fact, i did la. i mistook level 2 or level 1 and damn, i could only laugh at my stupid mistake. xD

i'd love to have another of those again. (:

then thursday was meyaa darling's birthday and we went west coast for a surprise party. but damn, it turned out pretty sour and haha, bad. im terribly sorry for the died-out sparkles heart shape thinggy majiggy.

it was actually my idea so yeah, it sucked. and babes, i owe you present! hahaha, no plural. lol, heh. sorry again kays for the terrible whole thing, thing. x( will make up to you soon.

so we went home with 12 mosquito bites on my legs! friday was presentation day for me and all was okay i guess. shall not talk about it. skip skip skip, in the evening i returned the fleurys their home laptop and kinda overslept there. hahaha.

but when night fell, i was on the way to Changi Terminal 1 to send hafiz off with the boys namely asyraf, imp and bah. fyra couldnt make it which makes me the rose among the thorns. haha.

bla bla bla, i reached home half past 12am and slept. saturday was boring and today, TAUFIK BATISAH IS AT IMM! i want to go. 5.30pm dude.

i told dad to go, he said parking very hard to get. so i reckoned the MRT! haha, let's see if mr dad wants to take the train down. (:

i think im typing too much already but there, my updates for today.
heh, i shall update again soon if im not too lazy!

p/s: IVE GOT MY LAPPY TOPPY ALREADY!
p/p/s: and a wireless mouse too!
p/p/p/s: BUT DAMN, the mouse was spoilt 2 hours after i used it.
p/p/p/p/s: my laptop's called "Nurool's Bestfriend".
p/p/p/p/p/s: ..i miss you.

`Bee.

((:

it was fun as crazy yesterday!
haha, certainly a warm welcome to 1st december.
carisa and i went to town and and and..

SHOOK UP THE WHOLE ORCHARD ROAD!

haha, you wish.
but then again, thanks to the "STEP UP" show,
we girls cannot stop grooving our asses to the any
form of music already!
as long as we can dance, WE DANCED.

hahah, fun fun fun!!
step up is definately a show worth watching over
and over again a million times,
be it in the cinema itself or hmm.. i think i'd rather
watch it AGAIN in the cinema.

with the music blasted and the subwoofer thumping
out loud, I THINK ITS WORTH EVERY CENT OF THE TICKET.

though it's more of complementary ticket for me.
THANKS carisa's mummy for the tix again!
((: it's not wasted!

whee, i love love love love step up!
..and carisa! ((:

okay babes. sorry for my craze.
anyways, after watching step up,
carisa and i walked around town,
enjoying the lights and brights
that the whole orchard road is decorated in

..for christmas!

pretty pretty lights i must say.
and the christmas songs that they played,
haha i wish they couldve done more to
bring up the christmas mood.

haha.

not that i celebrate christmas,
but i think its cool to lift up the spirit
of a festival or celebration?
true right?
((:

so then i was clapping and swaying myself
to the christmas song they played along the streets.
then this white guy looked at me and smiled!
haha, i didnt see him looking at me.
but carisa did! hahaha,
embarassing!

but its okay.
i was just feeling high!
thank god orchard road last night wasn't that
packed or i'd jst have killed myself to have to
walk around a tin of sardines in my

KILLER WEDGES!

hahaha, yes. the one that i bought
(and lost its virginity soon after).
i wore it out the whole day yesterday.
and hahaha, now my feet's aching.

thanksamill, shoes!

so then we girls went into zara @ wheelock
and tried on pretty pretty tops and clothes
and shoes and scarfs and belts.

hahah, oh i love them things.
but too bad, theyre pretty costly dude.
i love one of their dresses.
oh i love everything MAN!

pictures are uploaded.
you could click on the first picture of this entry
to get to the album, or you can click
HERE!

and for now, i'll take my leave.
ENJOY THEM EYECANDIES!

((:
`Bee

forgive me for feeling you in me