not many who know this, but 2006 has been a pretty much painful year for me, besides the satisfaction of going through many hardships alone & still standing even after that. im not saying friends havent been there for me but their presence is another whole different chapter/thing after all.

for once, the satisfaction of being single for so long now is still brimming with such proud emotions that i cant help feeling. its the best feeling of course, though it can get pretty lonely and boring but hey, ive got friends around me and dates to look forward to, so it's not so bad (: heh heh.

im trying to be really really honest here, but we cant trust the cyberworld as much doesnt it? so i'm really trying my best here.

anyways, 2006 was welcomed by working at U.R.S/Elle for four months. ..well almost, la. & what's even more fun was that i got to work with my bestfriend darling so, it's just bliss i should say. well, you could ask her for yourself! (: but working life has its ups & downs too but they were hurdles in life, aint it? so all's fine, still.

then came march where results were released and i got pretty disappointing results of course. it was too late to weep in remorse anyways but i was quite thankful that i managed to pass Maths and that was all i ever wanted and i wasnt feeling so bad afterall.

but anyhoots, when life was at its softer side for me, my love life started to bloom. unfortch, there was a bad relationship trauma for me earlier in december 2005 to "start 2006" which was due to a bad return of an ex-boyfriend. so things was quite cocked up at that point of time, which lost me out a potentially good relationship i might have with someone else.

that's okay i guess. we learn to lose things to know that they are actually there. you agree, hm? (:

so then came Mr. S. into this whole blooming-love-life picture. this time, it was more of a different approach. he was the one i spent lunch or dinner with during work. things got better and we hung out more than just being friends. it was all fun-loving and sweet-love before things took a turn when we wanted to "get serious".

it was painful especially when someone cannot feel the way you feel for them. & it happened to me. so i said, it's fine. i cant force love nor fate so i had to let things go. returning back to being friends with Mr. S. was terribly hard. i guess it was a pretty long while before we got to talk with each other again. & it felt really really awkward.

soon after, april came and i left the working force. i enrolled myself in Diploma in Nursing in NYP and started off school with crazy classmates. & i was even more thankful i had Carisa. things just got better & better, so it was sailing pretty smoothly.

at that point of time, the awkwardness between Mr. S & i were still at its highest peak la. so it was all funny funny and lol, i dont know how to explain. but things really got better towards the end of it. & thank God for that, please (:

Mr. S. has got himself a girlfriend now anyways, and it's really fine. im glad i managed to pass through that terrible case of slightly-deepened infatuation. well it was hard because i thought my life was about to get better, but i was strong and managed to get through it (: i hope Mr. S. & girlfriend are sailing on smoothly now. they really look cute together though. hees.

& as for me, i kept on sailing my boat of singlehood. i was pretty much happier then because i was going on dates and just enjoying life as it is. of course, at some point in time life put me into spots that i cant escape out of. thank God once again for the angels in disguise like Meyaa, Carisa & Lelaa mostly.

not to forget the others too, but you guys know who you are.

they were the ones who always enlighten my life and made me feel that life is really worth carrying on for and not just letting go because i was pushed down and turned away by the funny thing called Love.

so i decided to put Love aside for a moment and joined the Frisbee team with Nikki & Carisa. i tell you, the early months of Frisbee training was pure bliss. i could say i almost never fail to turn up for trainings & i simply loved it.

but the workload in school & the madness running through the rushing of presentations/projects & exams killed the moment and we had to end up not going for Frisbee at all to cater to so much things Nursing has laid down for us.

then it was ZE ATTACHMENTS. my goodness how excited i was to start working in a hospital for the first time ever in my whole life. it was exciting & scary at the same time. but i was looking forward to it so much, despite having to waste 66 minutes going to & fro work at CGH, Simei.

i didnt mind, though because Ward 44 made it all worth it (: the first week of attachments were monkey see monkey do & being told so kinda work for us Year 1s. it was funny because we saw things we didnt/wasnt suppose to see before and do things no other people would ever swore of trying at all. it could get pretty dirty & ugly for nurses to do such jobs but i couldnt feel less noble. (:
Nursing IS a noble profession & im so proud to be a part of the Nursing force. whahaha, sounds like some alien attacking team, bombarding planet Uranus or something, soon. hahaha.
sorry for sidetracking. but yeah, as i was saying, Ward 44 is the place to be! ahaha.

there was an incident which made me lost a friend in Ward 44 too, & its really a lesson learnt as well as an eye-opener for me. ..a huge one at that. now i really get what the nurses in the hospital mean when they say, "never trust anyone you work with no matter how close you are with that person".

because for all you know, you could just kill a patient with your friend's negligence or his heck-care attitude. & i almost killed.. MYSELF with that trust i had in a friend whose supposed to be responsible enough to own up to his mistakes, at the very least.

i shan't elaborate on that because its really painful & hurting to know that a person i used to be quite close with has just gotten in & out of my life just like that. haha, how big fat Ego kills a friendship so dear.

but anyways, Semester Two was even more stressful.

#1. killer bio topics.
#2. harder modules.
#3. cannot get along with people.

damn, i dont know how we're going to survive 3 years in the same class where #3 is concerned. internal conflicts & bullshit all over. so much for being the "Most Enthusiastic Class", the title we clinched & hamper we won during School of Health Sciences Freshmen Orientation 2006. i think all the enthusiasm has dried up anyways.

but it's okay while it is now. just that, my subgroup have been my major problem ever since. i really dont know how to deal with such a group like this, anymore. sigh- let's not go there.

so then Love came plunging in again, now even much more stronger than ever. man, he was my first ever love/crush/funny-butterfly-feeling-in-the-tummy ive ever felt as young as a 9 year old silly schoolgirl. it was the longest feeling ever that ive kept for someone & it just couldnt go away.

i thought things were going the right way when it didnt,
i thought happy days were awaiting for me.
i thought it was all sunny side up,
i thought that fairytales could happen.
i thought it was the best moment in life, ever.
i thought that i was going to be the happiest girl.

..but i was wrong.

it was heartbreaking yet again to be in love for so long, and i have to get out of it so soon, without having taste anything at all. i dont get prized for anything at all. i wasnt hoping but i just felt unjustified. it's just so.. ..unjust. when my path was overtaken, the feeling suck already. when its proven that she was the one instead of me,

my world just had to crash.

life has been hard. oh, really hard. but it's all good. im a strong girl, dude. i can go on with or without you. though i live in denial day by day, i'll be fine. ive got people caring for me & that's more than i couldve ever asked for.

LET'S NOT START TO BE SAPPY.

but i guess, this year itself, things with Dad all the way at Sengkang isnt any better, from the last anyways. it's been the same. going back there & pretend to be all happy & missing but actually i dont feel belonged there at all. i wish dad could know what i trully feel.

i wish everyone did.

anyways, to sum up my 2006, life has been cruel. but eye-opening for me. ive seen so many things that ive seen to make me who i am today. i dont regret anything that has happened to me & i take it as lessons learnt.

i hope in 2007, i wont experience the same hardships, & take on harder ones to challenge myself. i hope i wont feel the same heartbreak i felt because im supposed to be wiser & know better.

and in 2007, i hope many happy things happen to replace the sad things that happened in 2006. & that's my resolution. (:

with this, i'd like to end this entry with a big thankyou to all those who has made my life possible. & if i were to list your names all down, i wont have the space to because there's just too many of you little heartlings around me. i realised you guys are always there for me despite my busy moments, despite my almost non-existance because life is always moving on, where change is always constant.

i'm really glad, too, for the new friends made in 2006 who gave me so much joy & laughter. to the new memories we've created on top of the new ones, to the getting to know of each other. it's so special & i hope it doesnt end here but will be more to come.

& to those who came and went in and out of my life, i'd like to thank you for your presence too. every single person that stepped into my life makes a difference to who i am today & even though you guys have left my life because things made it be so, i'm still thanking for all the great moments that happened.

I LOVE ALL OF YOU.

`Bee. ;)
- owh, and when 2007 comes, i wont sign off as `Bee anymore. i will...

..okay let's say we'll talk about it when 2007 comes. (: -